by ‘holly sweet’ on redbubble
five feet apart cus theyre not gay
oh my god they were roommates
i wont hesitate, bitch
THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU
its wednesday my dudes
(no associated catchphrase)
a potato flew around my room
i have the power of god AND anime on my side
MY POOP IS COMING
~got a red dress on tonight, dancing in the dark in the pale moonlight~
(no associated catchphrase)
(’take on me’ opening notes)
(no associated catchphrase)
That... sure is a sentence
Just found out CJ from animal crossing is called Justin Bieber in Japan and I'm inconsolable
So his name is Justin in Japanese, like the American name Justin. He's a beaver. So the joke is he's Justin Beaver. But Japanese doesn't have a 'v' sound in their alphabet, so they use 'b' as it's equivalent. So his fucking name is Justin Beaber.
In Elmo’s voice: “I only had three lines!”
Okay but please watch the whole video. It’s just over a minute.
1. Robin Williams making off-the-cuff jokes that are definitely not Sesame Street appropriate.
2. The slow zoom in on Elmo’s face at the end.
3. Robin Williams
Cameron Diaz on the animation of the 2001 film, Shrek.
me watching shrek
when youre laying down and your pet walks across your internal organs and youre like OW FUCK and they dont even care they just keep standing on your spleen like its their job
this is why i keep my skin closed at all times.
you….. you what
‘tomboy’ literally was just parent code for ‘awwww this child is gay, now lets never address it and hope it goes away before it stops being cute’ like if you were a tomboy child im sorry
your vibes m’lord………
Check them for me, court jester
(faint jingling, followed by a loud thud)
Yeah, that doesn't prevent pregnancy.
Dfgajagakala it’s so you don’t get a UTI 😂
*facepalm* So, given that sex ed in the US is a tire fire:
Vagina-having people have a shorter urethra, which means we’re more prone to UTIs because the bacteria doesn’t have to travel as far to get up into your bladder and cause a problem.
Which means if you’re exposing your bits to bacteria (as with sex), peeing will flush out bacteria in the urethra. (Urine isn’t actually sterile - that’s a myth - but you’re *supposed to* have a little bit of bacteria - that’s how bodies work. But it still flushes things out that shouldn’t be there.)
Oh! You should ALSO pee after you masturbate, especially if it involves penetration with fingers/toys/etc
every year around christmas me and my grandma play this fun family game called “maybe you want to put jesus in your room instead, sweetie? :)”. now, it’s important to note that the jesus referred to in our game is not actually the real jesus christ, but instead a wooden figure i made in 2011 that has an uncanny resemblance to the lord and savior himself
so what happens is that i place jesus in our living room, and my grandma smiles and asks me if i don’t want to decorate my room with him instead. i ask her in return if she thinks my jesus figure is ugly (which he is), but she reassures me that this is not the case. however, a couple of days later jesus mysteriously disappears from our living room, and appear in my room instead
now, the real jesus christ might have been able to perform a miracle like this, but please remember that the jesus in our story is only a figure made out of wood. he can not move on his own, so i think we can safely say that my grandma is the prime suspect here
the first year i would often confront my grandma about this, but she would always make up an excuse and never straight up tell me she moved him because he’s so ugly it’s an embarrassment to the family
eventually i grew tired of her lies, so now we only move jesus around in silence. one second he’s in the living room, the next he’s back in my room. in a way i think this adds an extra element of excitement to the holiday season, because you never know for sure when jesus is going to be moved again
and so it begins..
i was not fucking ready for this photograph
im DONE
dad wwwwww
Tiddy milk
The longer it takes for this to come across your dash the funnier it is
this is a fucking grinch rental that we have at my job and I tried so hard to rent it out in december but his big ass kept scaring people
Hrrnngh, Max, I’m trying to sneak around, but I’m dummy thick, and the clap from my ass cheeks keeps waking up the Whos
did you try making it face the customers instead of sitting against a wall with its ass right out
