Me after using duolingo for a month

me when i get money for my birthday

me 2 days later

Hello everyone plz reblog this to save a life. And STOP CUTTING AVOCADOS INCORRECTLY. I work at a sushi restaurant and this is one of the safest and easiest ways to cut avocados. Love you all

This was so cute and informational thank u op

What is heavier? A 200 pounds of bricks or 200 pounds of feathers?

The answer is the feathers.

200 pounds of bricks is just a bunch of bricks, but if you try to carry 200 pounds of feathers, you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.

i overheard these two guys in the hallway at my school and one of them was like “you always look hot dude… no homo tho” and then like 5 seconds later he yelled “sike!” and slapped the other dude’s ass

Imagine your otp

うちの子かわいい(確信) https://twitter.com/MeuMeu_CueRs/status/716239570791059457/video/1

let them eat!

Watch: The contrast is clear, but the amount of love in the video is overwhelming.

the Oh My God I’m So Glad You’re Home starter pack

He really hates car rides

*upset alpaca sounds*

PROTECT HIM

I work at a fast food chain and since we are short on employees I get stuck on drive thru often. This woman pulls up and after ordering $52 worth of food through the drivethru with multiple large combos asks me to repeat her order twice to confirm. Each time she changes at least two things and proceeds to ask me if I’m deaf or just a moron. 

She pulls up to the window where I take her change and she asks if I’m the stupid one which I respond “sure am.” She didn’t notice while doing all of that to me I was the one making her 40oz. Large drinks; all 7 of them. See, our drink trays are flimsy when it comes to having multiple large drinks on them so we double up so the trays don’t rip. I put 3 in one tray and double up and hand them to her first. 

The second drink tray, being the moron I am, wasn’t doubled up and I somehow messed up putting the lids on all the way because when I handed them to her the tray split and when the drinks fell the lids popped off leaving her drenched in roughly 160oz. of diet coke.  I apologize profusely and offer her 2 napkins for being such a moron and forgetting to double the drinks. She asked to speak to my manager and the look on her face was worth it when I pointed to my manager tag and smiled at her. 

She got her food and drove off. I’ve never seen her again.

This is literally me and my friends

I FEEL LIKE I WAS JUST SENT BACK IN TIME TO FUCKING MIDDLE SCHOOL

So I live next door to a couple (a VERY conservative couple) and their twin boys. The boys can’t be more than 8, and like most kids, they like to play in the back yard. Which is totally fine, doesn’t bother me at all. They’re kids and like to run around. What bothers me though is that they love to throw their toys over into my yard. Alot of toys. Action figures, balls, frisbees, rackets, etc.

Them throwing them over don’t even really bother me that much. What bothers me is that the parents keep demanding that we have to throw them back. They don’t ask, they don’t knock on the door and apologize, they just yell over there fence when they know that we are outside and TELL us to give it back. And that bothers me. They also seem to encourage their kids to throw it over to our yard.

So after Christmas I was at the store and saw that they had a ton of Barbie’s, nail polish, Bratz doll frisbees, and balls on the clearance. I bought 5 of everything I could find that I knew my neighbors would hate seeing their sons play with. Every time an action figure gets thrown over to my yard, I will throw a barbie back with it. Every time a ball gets thrown, a Bratz ball will be returned. I already threw a couple nail polishes over and the twins went crazy. They loved it. They’ve had pink, purple, and green nails all week.

It’s been 2 days and not a single action figure has crossed my fence. More importantly, not a single rude demand from the parents to return them. The kids are having fun, and I have pretty revenge.

romeo and juliet are ridiculous but i can’t really blame them because i too briefly fall in love with anyone who shows me affection

Only Black coaches

Lmaooo factssssssss

Me as a coach tbh

Damn I can’t even remember one handshake

This is so lit

this is so cute omg

I fucks with it