Nothing But Shit

kids were roleplaying with minecraft figurines and one of them had their figure go up to the other and say “i’m in love with you” and the other one replied “sword slash to the chest. and you’re on fire”

fun fact about me: When I was 6 years old I sent so much hate mail to the president (the second Bush) that the mail carrier had to tell my mom I needed to stop before we got FBI’d

As you wish.

^_^ I didn’t say simon says *detonates the charges*

this episode was the second pilot and so they didnt have all the details down yet, but this line is still so funny to me. “one of my ancestors” you mean your dad, spock? your father?? your father, who married your mother???

i had a dream where tornadoes were made illegal or something i just remember like a dozen police cars driving directly toward a tornado with their sirens on and all getting sucked into the tornado

I wish none of you were sad

I wish there was peace and justice and wealth and happiness and good people around all of the planet

try and one up me again bitch

*explaining kitchen appliances to my pet medieval knights* The microwave, or Micheal the Wavious, and metal fork, or Sir Silver Prong, are sworn enemies and can never cross paths lest their meeting spell destruction for all.

Hot tip: don’t fuck your breakfast

listening and learning + posting my apology video to patreon ($25+ tier)

[ID: A reply by felinaetrash that reads: "anti vampire language"]

hey that's the dude who made the yo-yo man instructional video

Did you just know this

how’d you make a blank post?

please tell me

This is the most hilarious thing to see on mobile.

So tired I'm going to bed tonight

Pregant* Giving birth*

come on

i feel like alot of people don't seem to understand that when people online are like ""I want a movie where the man cries" or "I want an anime where they don't sexualize little girls" they don't actually base weather or not they want to watch a piece of media on "does this have a trope i like/don't like". they just want the media they already like to have not have that shitty trope. when somebody complains about common tropes in shonen anime and you are like "well maybe you should stop watching shonen anime" it's like no they actually do like one piece they just don't like the occasional transmisogyny that sometimes comes with it.

my liege you cannot trust this buffoon. he doesn’t even begin every other sentence with “my liege.” he‘ll never whisper in your ear the way i do it, my liege. sire. your fuckableness

*explaining kitchen appliances to my pet medieval knights* The microwave, or Micheal the Wavious, and metal fork, or Sir Silver Prong, are sworn enemies and can never cross paths lest their meeting spell destruction for all.

waters so amazing because you can drink it really sloppy style and like spill it all over yourself and it doesnt even leave a stain. you dont even have to wash it out/ . because its already washed

Sumerian Veteran: *has severe PTSD but doesn't know it because the term won't be invented for another 5000 years* I fight the same battle in my dreams every night and my relationship with my family has fallen apart.

Sumerian Healer: *saw hundreds of veterans with the exact same affliction before* You're cursed by desert demons.

Begging Staff to let me get a look at how the fuck does Tumblr's algorithm work

Look at my post boy

They always make Link look so serious in promo art and for what?

Call this false advertising