theylayonme
😂
Let! That! Baby! Eat!!!!!!
Perfect tags
I thought he was gonna jump back on the boat at the end, fr.
somos livres como girassóis de Van Gogh
(we are free like Van Gogh’s sunflowers)
🗣️This is important!
America’s puritanical, homophobic, anti-vaccination, anti-sex education, “morality” mentality is killing people.
This information could literally save someone’s life. Please share.
Links:
HPV is linked to cancer wherever it's found. We associate it with cervical cancer, but it's linked to uterine, ovarian, throat, tongue, mouth, penile, testicular, AND anal cancers.
The vaccine has never been linked to increased sex in teenagers or unsafe sex practices.
Please, please get vaccinated.
i keep getting notifs of neil gaiman liking good omens related posts and always thought that he was just a fan. i opened his profile today AND FOUND OUT HE WROTE IT????
now thats a Tumblr Experience
writing smut like
how many synonyms for “penis” do I actually know?
3tno
and how many of those synonyms am I actually willing to use
tier 1 (most accepted, considered sexy): cock, dick
tier 2 (generally accepted): length, manhood, member, shaft
tier 3 (clinical, too formal, but not cheesy): groin, penis, phallus
tier 4 (cheesy, barely acceptable): [insert name] Jr., dong, junk, knob, prick, rod, tool, wand, wood
tier 5 (ridiculous, unacceptable, pls don’t): anything to do with beer cans, baby-maker, bishop, choad, donger, dragon, fuck wand, fun stick, hog, johnson, jimmy, lap rocket, little [insert name], love muscle/rod/stick, meat stick, one-eyed [anything], piston, private eye, schlong, trouser snake, wiener, winkie
tier 6 (you’re literally a fourth grader): baby arm, baloney pony, beaver basher, beef whistle, custard launcher, dude piston, flesh flute, heat-seeking moisture missile, krull the warrior king, luigi, mayo shooting hotdog gun, meter long king kong dong, pig skin bus, piss weasle, purple-headed yogurt flinger, purple-helmeted warrior of love, schlong dongadoodle, single barreled pump action bollock, spawn hammer, steamin’ semen truck, tan banana, thundersword, wang doodle, whoopie stick, wing wang doodle, yogurt shotgun
tier 3 (clinical,
too formal, but not cheesy):
groin, penis, phallus
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
writing smut like
how many synonyms for “penis” do I actually know?
3tno
and how many of those synonyms am I actually willing to use
tier 1 (most accepted, considered sexy): cock, dick
tier 2 (generally accepted): length, manhood, member, shaft
tier 3 (clinical, too formal, but not cheesy): groin, penis, phallus
tier 4 (cheesy, barely acceptable): [insert name] Jr., dong, junk, knob, prick, rod, tool, wand, wood
tier 5 (ridiculous, unacceptable, pls don’t): anything to do with beer cans, baby-maker, bishop, choad, donger, dragon, fuck wand, fun stick, hog, johnson, jimmy, lap rocket, little [insert name], love muscle/rod/stick, meat stick, one-eyed [anything], piston, private eye, schlong, trouser snake, wiener, winkie
tier 6 (you’re literally a fourth grader): baby arm, baloney pony, beaver basher, beef whistle, custard launcher, dude piston, flesh flute, heat-seeking moisture missile, krull the warrior king, luigi, mayo shooting hotdog gun, meter long king kong dong, pig skin bus, piss weasle, purple-headed yogurt flinger, purple-helmeted warrior of love, schlong dongadoodle, single barreled pump action bollock, spawn hammer, steamin’ semen truck, tan banana, thundersword, wang doodle, whoopie stick, wing wang doodle, yogurt shotgun
tier 3 (clinical,
too formal, but not cheesy):
groin, penis, phallus
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
Steve and Robin go out to a gay club in Indy one night and Robin ends up pissed off because even if she did make a couple of friends and connections with the local scene she didn't have as much luck as Steve who made out with like 5 dudes in a row. How come they're going to the gay places and her straight friend still has more game than her?! Turns out maybe not so much, since Steve spends the monday shift at family video talking how much he enjoyed kissing guys and how hot it got him and how it didn't feel like a performance—which Robin can relate to that part—so maybe it's time to keep experimenting? Robin thinks he might be going a little fast but Steve is determined so he asks if he should ask Eddie if he's down to hooking up so he can try having sex with a guy which sends Robin into another spiral because whoa, since when are you aware that Eddie's gay? (And shit, if she said it out loud to Steve does that count as outing Eddie?!) Steve says he just knows, the same way he knows that Vicky is into boobies (ugh, not this again!) and anyway there's no harm in asking. Robin's mind is blown when Steve literally picks up the phone and calls Eddie if he's down to fuck that night at his place. She's not surprised Eddie agrees. He might be even more of a masochist than Robin herself, really. Which leads to a very interesting night where Robin spends hours trying to concentrate on her stupid homework and not think about how her best friend, her soulmate, the light of her life, is right now having gay sex literally days after finding out "kissing guys is cool actually," when it took her years to admit to herself that she was into girls. And it's even more mortifying when a little after midnight Steve calls her—of course he does—and informs her that sex with men is actually so much better than sex with girls, for him at least, he just had the best orgasm of his life (good for him) and inform her that he now has a boyfriend. Honestly, what did Robin expect. Good for Steve and his simple, honest heart.
hey folks,,,,,... glad 2 b here on tubblr . here's a little self-portrait of me,, a human male
on my way to work at the job factory :) lets get this bread !, and by bre,d i mean human money dollars haha. dont even like bred
feeding the ducks
(disclaimer: i do Not live in thi,s pond. i live in a home House.)
ah . allow me to introduce my two lovely childen . Child and Baby . :) they are both just regular Men just like their old man(me)
Fun facts about me: I can't smell skunk.
I've NEVER been able to smell skunk. (As far as I know, I can smell everything else just fine.)
This came in very handy when I was a dog groomer, since they used to give all the skunked dogs to me to bathe -- they only regretted it when I had to yell for one of them to come back and smell the dog to make sure they were sufficiently deskunked.
We got a dog, one time, that had been sprayed directly between his eyes at close range, and that was the closest I've ever come to smelling skunk -- and even then, it wasn't a scent. If my nose was very close to his face, I felt like, an acrid sort of aftertaste on the back of my tongue.
Anyway. *shrugs* No point to this story. Just r/mildlyinteresting that I can't smell skunk at all.
When I was a uni student, there was this big park behind the student apartments I lived in. My sense of smell is...impressive, courtesy of my epilepsy. I smelled the skunk from inside my bedroom and three floors up. My flatmates were all international students, and were baffled by the odor. I informed them of what it was, and explained it usually isn't this extreme unless the skunk sprayed someone. Then we heard yelling downstairs and decided to investigate. Another international student had seen the skunk and wanted to investigate. This resulted in getting sprayed and denied entry into his flat. A neighbor heard and smelled the ruckus, then left and came back with a massive plastic bin and a lot of cheap tomato sauce as well as deskunking dog shampoo. The guy was forced to bathe in this outside on the balcony.
The acid in tomatoes breaks down the spray and the shampoo was a precaution. The neighbor is from a rural area where dogs get sprayed often, so this was fairly routine.
We called that student Pepe for the next three years.
as someone who lived in skunk and marijuana country, the two smell eerily similar. fresh skunk spray nearby is always infinitely worse than marijuana smoke, but i have frequently had trouble telling the two apart
хєnα & gαвríєllє ín ‘mαnч hαppч rєturns’ (2001) хєnα: wαrríσr príncєss · s6·є19
The world was ending in a big explosion and a tiny white glowing golden retriever puppy sat in front of me. He turned to me and said in a sad, soft voice, “Everything has an expiration date.”
Sometimes these posts just stick in my mind and I have to draw them
okay but this is a power move above any other
hoseph-christiansen
It gets even better, because he was doing all of this on a pitch black night. This dude swam towards a lure, slapped at it with his glove, and when it got caught; he let himself float and tugged on the line so the fisherman thought he had hooked a 100+ pound salmon. Once he was finally up to the shore, he turned a flashlight on in the guy’s face and walked out of the water, saying “good morning, gentlemen. State fish and game warden, you’re under arrest.“
At this point, the guy who had reeled him in had literally fallen over in shock, and the other people with him were scared shitless. The warden whipped some citations out of a plastic bag in his wetsuit, made the trespassers sign them, asked if they had any questions, and then gathered all of their fishing gear. And he just. Walked back into the river. And quietly swam away, without another word.
This man is a legend.
warden coming out of his river to shame fishermankind