And you were gone.....
“There are times when I am convinced I am unfit for any human relationship.”
— Franz Kafka, Letters To Felice
“Inside of all of us there is the need and the desire to be heard, to have our innermost thoughts, feelings and desires expressed for others to hear, to see and to understand. We all want to matter to someone.”
— Vicktor Alexander
no bone in my body, could ever comprehend how someone can treat another human being that way. Especially someone who is being avoidant and pushing someone away….how can you just act like it’s okay? like what your doing isn’t hurtful at all? you may love them, but you’re not sure what to do, so you treat them like nothing? Like they don’t even exist? Meanwhile they are fighting to be seen by you. I don’t care how mean or evil you are, I still will never understand how one can do that to another.
why am i in a bad mood when i have no reason to be other than deeply rooted trauma which i live with everyday anyway without getting irritated with every little thing. ughh
xxiv.
waiting on the rain
staring at the clouds
praying you’ll return
Sighing at the setting sun,
looking over the horizon,
in dire need of your return.
- DG
“The shame of it was they both loved each other, but they were both too young to know how to love.”
— Antoine de Saint Exupéry, The Little Prince
“I will always care for you, even if we’re not together and even if we’re far, far away from each other.”
— Unknown
The desire for you is sharp and deep. Nothing in the world can silence it and nothing in the world can fill it but you. There is nothing more than sighs in my mouth, thirst in my lips, the throbbing of emptiness in my arms. Colors fade and flavors become bland, the fullness is lost to the empty spaces that cry out for your presence. I am consumed by a single thought and a single feeling that turns into fire in my chest, water in my eyes, a universe of absence that throbs in my throat. My hands freeze and the letters are lost in an infinite void. Come, my heart feels heavy with so much I want to tell you and long to give you. Come, I can't bear this anymore, this missing you.
e.v.e. (Letters to my love)
I know we’re not talking right now
But I miss you so much
And now I’m crying on my walk home
Because I can’t see you anymore
-Grey Augustus
"We don't just 'move on.' We cannot simply untangle the sewn-together edges of our lives and call it a clean break, a clean cut. We remember the people who have touched our lives in pieces. We remember them in sunsets, in our favorite songs or the songs that we immediately skip when they sneak up on us on the radio. In the restaurant we would only visit on Thursday nights but no longer go to at all. In the way that autumn arrives suddenly with a chill but now without the borrowed jacket hanging over our shoulders to lessen it. In every new memory we create without their presence to accompany it, and likewise, in the immediate dull urge to tell them about it. Sometimes we move on while people are still in our lives, and other times we never move on despite them being undeniably out of it. But no matter when it happens, or in what way, it rarely passes quickly. Invariably, it's a slow burn. One that we find ourselves lighting with gasoline to accelerate it; the warmth of another lover, or the cool touch of solitude and comfort of memories that only live behind our eyes. So, you see, there is nothing simple about moving on. Because the task itself asks us to bury something we once loved. Something we once clung to with a white-knuckled grip. So don't just move on, move through it, move with it, move forward from it. Because if life suggested you leave something so valuable behind, there must be better things ahead."
I fucking hate the distance, I want to be there with you, for you.