You can live the rest of your life without eating, drinking or breathing.

Drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible but 7 beers and 5 shots in 2 hours goes down like a fat kid on a seesaw

Sneaking in

another artwork in the Norse inspired series I’m creating

Einar Martinsen

Undeads by Alexander Trufanov

If 666 is evil, then 25.80697580112788 is the root of all evil. (source)

Stitched Devil Large fiend (devil), lawful evil Armor Class 16 (natural armor) Hit Points 168 (16d10 + 80) Speed 30 ft., climb 20 ft. Str 23, Dex 15, Con 20, Int 7, Wis 17, Cha 17 Skills Perception +7, Survival +7 Damage Immunities poison, fire, psychic Damage Resistances acid, cold Condition Immunities frightened, poisoned Senses passive Perception 17 Languages Abyssal, Celestial, Common, Infernal Challenge 9 (5000 XP) Pain Aura. Whenever a creature within 30 feet of a stitched devil takes damage, it takes an additional 3 (1d6) psychic damage. Innate Spellcasting. The stitched devil’s spellcasting ability is Charisma (spell save DC 15). The stitched devil can innately cast the following spells, requiring no material components: At will: dispel magic 1/day each: phantasmal killer Actions Multiattack. The stitched devil makes one bite attack and four claw attacks. Bite. Melee Weapon Attack: +10 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 15 (2d8+6) piercing damage. Claw. Melee Weapon Attack: +10 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 13 (2d6+6) slashing damage.

Put together from the pieces of slain devils by evil night hags, stitched devils’ existence is characterized by constant agony, which they project about them, amplifying the pain of sword slashes and spell burns. They can often be found in the company of night hags as bodyguards or minions, but can be found anywhere that devils can. They stand about 10 feet tall and weight approximately 800 pounds.

Originally from the Monster Manual V. If you have a favorite monster from D&D 3.5 or Pathfinder that you want to see converted to 5e, feel free to send me a message or submit a monster request on the submit page.

Being a kid is thinking Eric Foreman and the gang are being bullied by Red. Being an adult is realizing that they’re all self-serving dumbasses, and Red is the only reasonable character. (source)

The most hardcore stoners are the ones who forgot today is 4/20

Fighting fire with fire

Context: POTAs campaign, below the fire temple, fighting a fire giant, barbarian, cleric, warlock DM: The giant picks up a handful of lava, packs it into a ball, and hurls it towards the group. (Barbarian) is knocked into the lava. B: *pissed off now, more rash because of Tinderstrike’s effects* I pick up a ball of lava too and i hurl it back. DM: *blinks, asks to confirm, then rolls damage for y’know, picking up lava* 55. *sighs* roll for attack, you’ll need a pretty hig-“ B: NAT 20. *rolls 4 extra damage die for crit* 85 DAMAGE DM: You fucking killed a fire giant with bludgeoning damage from a ball of lava.

— - our very gay half-elf bard, immediately after the Big Bad shows up and she’s a “9/10 total babe”

chicken classes

Fighter: rhode island red

Barbarian: dark cornish

Paladin: faverolles

Ranger: leghorn

Theif: modern gamefowl

Bard: polish

Wizard: sultan

Sorcerer: sebright

Warlock: sicilian buttercup

Cleric: naked neck

Monk: shamo

— - the bard half-elf deciding to fulfill the 1940s movie aesthetic when the world becomes black and white

35 tumblr posts that will rip a hole in your brain.

Powerful Necromancy 

Dragon voice

In this campaign we are really bad at keeping character voices so this happned

Dragonborn (ooc): hold on- lemme do something, character voice stuff *rattling from his side of the mic*

DM: oh no-

Dragonborn: *VERY LOUD TROMBONE SOUNDS*

DM (ooc): it’s good I understand Draconic

Everyone else: OHMYGOD-

Getting Away with Murder

Context: In a tavern, and there’s a fortune teller. The Rogue just got noticed trying to pickpocket him so the rogue kills him.

Rogue: I try to sneak him out to the furnace. DM: Alright, roll stealth. Rogue: *Nat 1* *After 2 minutes of laughing* DM: Ok, you just throw him straight into the gambling hall. The Minotaur, Dragonborn, and Gnome stare at him. Rogue: I walk up and say, “Sorry, don’t mind me,” and intimidate them. DM: Roll intimidation. Rogue: *Nat 20* *After 2 more minutes of laughing* DM: Alright, I need to roll to gauge their reactions. *Minotaur and Gnome roll poorly, while the Dragonborn rolls high* DM: Ok, the Minotaur and Gnome look terrified and look back to the table, while the Dragonborn actually gets up and says, “Do you need some help with that?” Rogue: Wait, you’re serious? DM: Yes.

The Rogue and Dragonborn then take out the body and burn it in the furnace. They actually become good friends.

They dun fucked up

(For context my party I DM for includes a Drow Assassin (Ilyena) and a Drow War Cleric (Taldor). They are in a homebrew campaign and are investigating attacks in a near by village. This is slightly paraphrased)

Taldor, rolling to investigate foot prints

Me (DM)- the foor print goes all around the scarecrows and all over the cornfield

Taldor- Ok, whatever the thing is seems to like the scarecrow

(They decided to put the scarecrows in one place to lure the attacking thing into a trap)

Ilyena- We should put them in a circle instead of rows

Taldor- ok, I’m gunna hide in the middle of them.

Ilyena- ok…Im hiding in the field.

Me(DM)- as the sun sets and the sky darkens you begin to hear odd creaking…and all eight scarecrows turn their head.

Ilyena- oh fuck

Taldor- I fucked up.

(They both almost wiped)

Alcohol is never the answer, but it does make you forget the question.

I saw this post and it completely reminded me of Yasha (Art Credit: hubedihubbe) *pls do not repost without crediting them as the original artist*