Female Greenland sharks don’t reach sexual maturity until they’re around 4 meters long (13.5 ft) which takes about 150 years from birth.

Things my brother has said to me since I’ve come out

Bro: You can’t say you’re pan if you’ve only dated cis-boys Jess..

Me: Then you can’t say you’re straight since you’ve never had a girlfriend

Bro: touche…

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Bro: so you like girls?

Me: yep

Bro: so youre gonna get a girlfriend?

Me: maybe

Bro: NOW I GOTTA COMPETE AGAINST YOU TOO?? 

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Bro: wanna bet on who kisses a girl first?

Me: sure… $10?

Bro: okay

Me: sweet…cough up the money because i already kissed three

Bro: WHAT?? WHO?? you whore…No but seriously who because we only have like 2 lesbians in our school….

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Bro: I SWEAR TO GOD IF I HEAR ONE MORE PUN ABOUT YOU AND KITCHENWEAR IM KILLING YOU

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Brothers friend: so your sister is pan?

Bro: yeah?

Friend: what’s that?

Bro: basically she’ll date anyone

Friend: think she’ll date me?

Bro: ew no, dude she has standered still..

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Bro: so…how was narnia?

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Mother: i dont want you going to (insert friend)’s house because you’re pan and they are too

Bro: shes 18 mom AND you had no problem with it before jess was out

Mother: yeah but-

Bro: and they’re both girls so its not like even if something DID happen she wouldn’t get pregnant or anything

Mother: yeah but-

Bro: just let her hang out with the one friend she still has

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Bro: *is complaning about something* Thats so ga- OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY IT SLIPPED

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Bro: *shows me a picture of a girl* do you think shes hot?

Me: ew no

Bro: I AM TRYING TO GET YOU A GIRLFRIEND STOP BEING PICKY WOMAN WE LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE THERE ARENT THAT MANY OPTIONS 

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Me: *is complaining to my brother about this dude on campus* -anyways hes so not my type

Mother: but youre pan and ‘youre attracted to everyone regardless of gender’ so you dont have a type

Bro: thats like saying because i’m straight i like every girl mom…she can be pan and have types you limp lettuce

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Bro: do you think grandma will freak out when she finds out you’re queer?

Me: hopefully

Bro: sweet…..can i tell her??

Me: no?

Bro: dammit…

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Bro: *is playing COD online in his room* Guys seriously stop saying the F slur

Bro: Seriously i dont care about your kill streak, i will shoot you

Bro: NO SCOPE! I warned you!

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Bro: you know what my favorite part of you being pan is?

Me: what?

Bro: you’re no longer grandmas favorite…now i get all the money/food

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Bro: aw fuck

Me: what?

Bro: what if you get a girlfriend one day and she breaks your heart? i can’t punch a girl! 

Me: no thats okay-

Bro: HOW WILL I DEFEND YOUR HONOR???

This is so sweet actually

i just made bird noises

nicole haught: master of dropping hints

bye i love this

Man: Siri, what is 1 trillion to the tenth power? Siri: Calculation. The answer is one zero zero zero zero zero [continuing] Man: *starts beatboxing to the rhythm. Woman 1: *joins in* Woman 2: *starts singing to the rhythm*

This is sO GOOD

12 Animals (That Are Definitely Not an Octopus) by GyleDesigns

i hate taking off my glasses because my eyes go from 1080hd to buffering at 240p and i just cannot handle that

So apparently I just picked up an $8,000 organ off of the curb

The few seconds before I realized you meant the instrument were terrifying

I can’t believe a radio station just killed Meghan Trainor

Incensed from too many zubats? This should help.

New Pokémon GO ‘Incense’ Trick Lets Players Catch Rare Pokémon

this headline would have been completely unpredictable in 2015

You swerve to avoid a squirrel. Unknown to you, the squirrel pledges a life debt to you. In your darkest hour, the squirrel arrives.

So I found this caterpillar on my way to class

We’re bros

I named him chicken nugget

Aaaa he’s turning a duller color… I hope he’s alright

So apparently chicken nugget is a spicebush swallowtail and they turn yellow before they pupate. He was making little silk things everywhere Bruh this caterpie is going to evolve to metapod today my boy isn’t messing around

update hes entirely yellow now

i made him a tube room

hes crawlin all over the place checking it out

its happening

False alarm he moved a bit This guy

??? caterpie doesnt evolve into kakuna

whats he doing

its happening part 2 For Real This Time

chicken nugget using those advanced tactics balancing my man doesnt do anything halfway

i put on some tunez for him so he can get into the metamorphazone

sorry for keeping you all in suspense but chicken nugget is doing fine and he has a cool hat now

hes been chillin like this for a couple days 

hes been in cocoon for 10 days now 🎉🐛🎉

let me know how he’s doing soon

HES BUSTIN OUT

im going to sleep, chicken nugget is snoozin and ill check up on him as soon as i wake up

hope he doesnt party too hard 

🐛 💤 💤

hes gone goth hes in his emoteen stage

CHICKEN NUGGET IS A CHICKEN WING NOW BABY WE HAVE LIFTOFF!!!!!

psa: bloggers aren’t required to list their mental illnesses, disabilities, sexual orientations, or any personal details that they don’t want to share. we need to stop acting like we’re entitled to all the bits and pieces of other strangers’ lives.