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I cried reading this.

no one likes neal

this vine is better than all of paranormal activity

One day you will find someone who wants to touch your butt all the time, if that doesnt make you smile idk what will…

*waits for 911 to call me first so i don’t sound thirsty*

when your mom walks up behind you while you’re blogging

do you think taylor lautner has war-like flash backs of shark boy and lava girl

imagine if u could hear ur hair growing

*snorts pollen* i love nature

You know pollen is plant sperm right

even better

*sunlight hits your laptop screen*

wow 

every piece of dust in the world

it’s here

How do some people sit in class with that much ass crack out and not know

*snapchats and texts the same person at the same time*

i win 

gaining followers like

(brushes crumbs off bed) yea baby hop on in

*opens blog* title: welcome peasants *closes blog*

fruit salad 

*deep voice* yummy yummy

becoming a parent means being the one to get the wasp out of the room and idk if i’m prepared to do that

we’ll we’ll we’ll if it isn’t autocorrect