the music they put when she went into the room to see the capybarasvkjfvbggf

the only good thing about trump supporters is how easy it is to drag them with the simplest fact 

Me, Catholic, walking into a Protestant church with no depictions of Mary: where’s my mom

Me, culturally Protestant, walking into a Catholic church filled balls to the walls with paintings sculptures candles and god knows what else: why’s there so much stuff

Me, Orthodox, walking into a western church:  w h e r e   a r e   t h e   b o n e s

Me, vampire, walking into any denominational holy place: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

man I couldn't do twitter. on tumblr nobody gives a shit if u bully celebrities, on twitter it becomes a fucking national conversation for three days

john green's cock monologue never could have happened on twitter

god I wish that were me: a compilation

It checks out

early 00s media was the era of the boring girl protagonist and her heavily lesbian-coded bff

So, my iPod does this fucking genius factory thing where it forgets which artwork goes with which album and it makes guesses. Because it’s pretty sure I won’t notice.

Needless to say, I noticed.

the most 2014 post possible

the sad truth about oppa homeless style

and the unfathomable evil that is reddit

last year my followers and i began an investigation into the origin of oppa homeless style and we quickly discovered that there appears to only exists one single screenshot of the mythical tumblr post:

the screenshot was posted to imgur on the 1st of march, 2014, and appeared on /r/thatHappened/ in a thread titled ‘Fedora’d villain shames woman for giving to the homeless’

to further our investigation, @swordcats contacted the reddit user who had posted the thread. the user responded, saying they believe they “found it on 4chan”, adding that it was “probably fake”

we still had hope that it could be a real tumblr post, but this confirmed our suspicion that it was possible the story was never posted to tumblr to begin with. 

we then tried everything we could think of to find any mention of oppa homeless style that predates the imgur upload, but nothing showed up

we even tried carbon dating the post by the shade of blue in the screenshot

this didn’t help us find oppa homeless style, but by comparing it to older posts we were at least able to determined that the screenshot could have been taken around the time of the imgur upload

an anon later messaged me and suggested we should take a look at the post history of reddit user MechaMew2

as the anon noted, they were a frequent contributor to /r/thatHappened/

here are some of the tumblr stories they’ve posted:

after posting 10 different MechaMew2 screenshots to my blog, i was contacted by fellow detective @bluesidefanclub who had done their own investigation

and the findings were devastating…

MechaMew2 has also been a frequent submitter to r/fatlogic were they post similarly ridiculous stories intended to make fat people look bad:

nowadays MechaMew2 is mostly fabricating fake facebook stories about pitbulls (they’re a frequent poster to r/banpitbulls)

of all the tumblr screenshots, @bluesidefanclub​ was only able to find one real post (which still showed the url of the person who reblogged it)

in a last ditch effort @bluesidefanclub:  

so yes…  i think we must finally accept that oppa homeless style was never a real tumblr post

oppa homeless style was made by a redditor whose passion in life is to make fake screenshots of fake tumblr stories for fake internet points

as connoisseur of fake tumblr story i expected to be devastated by this news, but really it has only made oppa homeless style even funnier

i literally cannot drink milk normally i gotta chug

whore

YA books: There are 2 boys, the protagonist girl HAS to date one, but how can she choose? They are so incredibly different in every way!

The boys:

He literally has a twin brother but the implication here is much funnier

what is it about whales that makes humans so full of melancholic longing

eats and vibes, surrounded by friends, fat as shit. absolute luxury. goals. fucking ideal.

man I couldn't do twitter. on tumblr nobody gives a shit if u bully celebrities, on twitter it becomes a fucking national conversation for three days

john green's cock monologue never could have happened on twitter

god I wish that were me: a compilation

bored. might swollow a kinder egg like a snake just because

This is what the FDA thought everyone would do if they allowed kinder eggs in America

People who don’t want to read The Martian in case the science is too complicated should be informed that it contains the lines “The best way to store the ingredients of water is to make them be water”, “It is of course dangerous to set off an explosive device on a spacecraft”, and “If I cut a hole in the wall of the hab, the air won’t stay inside any more”.

I love this fucking book

“I’ve said the words kilowatt-hours-per-sol so many times they’ve lost all meaning so I’m going to call them pirate-ninjas.

“So I need to generate nine hundred pirate-ninjas…”

there’s an entire chapter dedicated to him wondering how the cubs are doing while he’s stuck on mars, dying

I like the part where the guys on Earth are like “He thinks we all gave up on him, and that he’s completely alone. I wonder what he’s thinking about right now.” And he’s like “How come Aquaman can control whales?”

“ As with most of life’s problems, this one can be solved by a box of pure radiation. “

“Actually, I was the very lowest ranked member of the crew. I would only be “in command” if I were the only remaining person.”

Two pages later… “What do you know? I’m in command”

“Me: “This is obviously a clog. How about I take it apart and check the internal tubing?” NASA: (after five hours of deliberation) “No. You’ll fuck it up and die.” So I took it apart.

And my personal favorite :” Also, I have duct tape. Ordinary duct tape, like you buy at a hardware store. Turns out even NASA can’t improve on duct tape. Yes, of course duct tape works in a near-vacuum. Duct tape works anywhere. Duct tape is magic and should be worshiped.”

the fact none of these posts have even MENTIONED potatoes is a crime

That’s a good point, about 50% of this book is about potato farming.

“I’m so anti-fascist I report my friends and neighbors to the feds”

“I would have never snitched on Anne Frank! Anyway, here’s a person I’m related to at the capitol!”

Hey I don't know if you know this but snitching on someone for storming the capitol with intent to kill someone is not the same as snitching on someone for the crime of... *checks notes* being a jewish child