candy discourse, reblog w/ your opinions on

• candy corn • licorice • peanut butter + chocolate • mint + chocolate • sour candies

“Anne Bonny and Mary Read were pirates, as renowned for their ruthlessness as for their gender, and during their short careers challenged the sailors’ adage that a woman’s presence on shipboard invites bad luck.”

Sculpture by Erik Christianson.

I’m not entirely sure that the statue really needed to have a tit out.

How dare women try to have nipples.

Actually I’ve seen this before and I can tell you— it’s because these women were bad ass pirates and when they killed someone they’d expose one or both breasts so that when their victim died, (s)he knew that they were killed by a woman.

ACTUALLY Anne Bonny purposely wore loose fitting clothes and displayed her breasts openly at all times during battle - mainly because men were distracted by them, and she took pleasure in killing said men while they were too busy staring at her breasts. Mary Read dressed mainly as a man (after posing as her deceased brother, Mark, for the entirety of her childhood) and both ladies cross-dressed from time to time, hopping between ships. They were known as the ‘fierce hell cats’ due to their ferocious tempers, and were key elements to Captain ‘Calico Jack’ Rackham’s crew - they were the only two known female pirates in the Golden Age of Caribbean piracy. IN FACT, when the ship was captured by the British Navy, Anne and Mary were the ONLY TWO pirates who fought while the males of the crew hid - they were all tried to be hung as pirates but Bonny and Read were both pregnant and were pardoned.

Calico Jack was a lover to Bonny, and as he was to be hung, Bonny’s final words to him were, “Had you fought like a man, you need not be hung like a dog.” Bonny and Read were possibly two of the most badass fucking pirates and they were FEMALE. The more you know. 

And on top of all that, exposed breasts have a long and storied history of symbolism in art. They mean all sorts of things. The sculptor may have chosen to expose her left breast specifically to denote her courage–her heart is exposed–or to evoke comparison to Amazon warriors, who cut off their right breasts.

Titties are complex in art.

Fascinating! 

official boob post

*If you can't walk that far or the roads to the store aren't safe to walk just pretend you can and they are for the purposes of this poll.

LMAO i just looked up how long it would have taken to walk to Walmart when we lived in rural Tennessee. 14 fucking hours

(these days is 58 minutes, and it's honestly GREAT proximity to grocery store for rural USA, but the road is utterly unwalkable (no shoulder and overhangs a drainage ditch) 🙃

yeah it's like three and half hours for me but there aren't sidewalks so it'd be super dangerous unless you were walking through peoples yards and as far from traffic in the roadside ditch as possible (even then there are parts of the road where you can't avoid crossing or being near the road which is incredibly dangerous). and i'd definitely need to use a wheelchair so??? rip. the closest grocery store is also in a food desert and price gouges accordingly too. so even if i was abled the best case scenario without a car would still be to walk on foot for almost four hours risking literal death to get to a store where i couldn't afford to actually buy very much at all. 'MURICA!

oh uh. scuse me. just a lil snail crossing your dash

I love how certain I am that I’m not the only person who stopped scrolling to let the snail finish crossing the dash.  

In fact, I would bet small sums of money that the majority of Tumblr folk do.    

Rb for the lil hops it does at the end before it finishes crossing 🥺💓

you know who’s gay? paul the real estate novelist who never had time for a wife and davey who’s still in the navy and probably will be for life

New headcannon: everyone in that song is gay except the Piano Man who has no idea he’s playing at a gay bar and the staff and regulars have a betting pool on how long he’ll take to finally figure it out. So far John is ahead.

“The manager gives me a smile ‘cause he knows that it’s me they’ve been coming to see” also implies that the Piano Man is possibly an incredibly attractive but oblivious himbo, and if you listen to the rest of it imagining that, this all fits a little too well.

this makes too much sense. Also, the full quote is “Now John at the bar is a friend of mine. He gets me my drinks for free. And he’s quick with a joke or to light up your smoke. But there’s someplace that he’d rather be” Yes, your bed, he wants to be on your bed honey, that’s not a joke, he is flirting with you.

Lighting another man’s cigarette is some old-school gay cruising.

reblog if you wear glasses. too many mutuals don't know they have glasses wearers in their midsts

if i had money to waste i would blaze this picture of Tad because I think everyone should look at it

we shall blaze Tad the old fashioned way!!

I'll help blaze Tad.

Sound designing a vampire being hit in the face with a shovel is... challenging. Who would've guessed.

#loony toons bonk and wilhelm scream

@scp-1296 you understand me

[Audio transcript: Ben Galpin voicing Jonathan Harker from Dracula by Bram Stoker. He says, "There was no lethal weapon at hand, but I seized a shovel which the workmen had been using to fill the cases, and lifting it high, struck, with the edge downward, at the hateful face," followed by a cartoon "bonk" and the Wilhelm scream. End transcript]

I was teaching kids today and they got fixated on the usual ‘are they dead now?’ question when I was talking about historical figures. So I was just like ‘Yes, they’re dead now, everyone who was alive in the 1800s is dead now.’ and then one kid was like ‘Except for you’.

I’m sorry to hear about your scalp.

Okay I must clear this up more concretely since this has gone far beyond my circle of folks who have the context of Why This Is Actually Funny, because there are thousands of people here who are like ‘kids are so rude, kids are so evil, I hate kids’ when…

1) Kids are little humans and they’re learning and they should be treated as little humans who are learning. Don’t be a dick to kids. Adults who are assholes to kids is such a bad look, and kids remember that shit.

2) This particular child was being SO earnest and ‘except for you’ was said not as an insult but like ‘oh…you’re the last one left 😢’.

I dress like this everyone:

[ID: image of a person wearing a puffy 18th century shirt, waistcoat, and cravat.]

Thank u, goodnight.

I mean, with the outfit, that’s an easy mistake to make 

Our flags mean death

As someone who took etiquette lessons, politeness is an incredibly effective tool for disarming bigots. You can either force them to reconsider their words/actions by directly and calmly confronting their behavior (by using the rules of society in your favor), or you can dip entirely while they appear to be in the wrong.

Both options are great.

Because the thing is, when bigots pick fights, they are 100% counting on you to get louder than them. Or meaner. They want you to react emotionally and provide fodder for their 'You're Too Emotionally Immature To Understand' cannon.

What they aren't expecting you to do is say one of the following phrases in a polite, concerned tone:

For those of you who'd are spiteful and/or dealing with Fundamentalists/Evangelicals/generally shitty Christians:

And my all time favorite:

"It sounds to me like there are some seriously dark and angry forces at work in your heart."

(Nothing stops a Christian bigot in their tracks faster than implying the Devil is causing their bigotry. But you MUST be calm, polite, and gentle with your tone and wording. It is absolutely fair to twist the rules and play them at their own game, but you gotta play hard.)

TLDR: It's much faster to use etiquette, politeness, and rhetoric reversal when eviscerating idiots online and in person, because they aren't expecting you to weaponize their behaviors back in their direction. Don't get angry, get spitefully polite! :)

Bruh

I can’t believe I read this post with my own fucking eyes

I love it unironically, I burst out laughing. It hits the same note as “the opposite of malice is bonfire”.

⚠️ Important News! ⚠️

Baby Tiger Shark Practicing Her First Bites

Look at her go :)

Look at that little face <3

Have I told y’all about my husband’s Fork Theory?  If I did already, pretend I didn’t, I’m an old.

So the Spoon Theory is a fundamental metaphor used often in the chronic pain/chronic illness communities to explain to non-spoonies why life is harder for them. It’s super useful and we use that all the time. But it has a corollary.  You know the phrase, “Stick a fork in me, I’m done,” right? Well, Fork Theory is that one has a Fork Limit, that is, you can probably cope okay with one fork stuck in you, maybe two or three, but at some point you will lose your shit if one more fork happens.  A fork could range from being hungry or having to pee to getting a new bill or a new diagnosis of illness. There are lots of different sizes of forks, and volume vs. quantity means that the fork limit is not absolute. I might be able to deal with 20 tiny little escargot fork annoyances, such as a hangnail or slightly suboptimal pants, but not even one “you poked my trigger on purpose because you think it’s fun to see me melt down” pitchfork.

This is super relevant for neurodivergent folk. Like, you might be able to deal with your feet being cold or a tag, but not both. Hubby describes the situation as “It may seem weird that I just get up and leave the conversation to go to the bathroom, but you just dumped a new financial burden on me and I already had to pee, and going to the bathroom is the fork I can get rid of the fastest.”

I like this and also I like the low key point that you may be able to cope with bigger forks by finding little ones you can remove quickly. A combination of time, focus, and reduction to small stressors that can allow you to focus on the larger stressor in a constructive way.

I like this. It makes a bit of sense 

Since, in true Celtic fashion, I’m gonna start saying “it’s too hot” today, here’s the perfect poll…

Reblog & put your answers in the tags because I’m curious and need to know I’m not suffering alone

hey there LGBTQ kids who are also Christian/Jewish! If you feel like you’re disobeying God, questioning your faith, or feel wrong and dirty for loving who you love, there’s this fantastic site I found today called hoperemains that accurately and thoroughly combs through scripture and its (many) mistranslations, validates your orientation, and basically let’s you know that you’re not pissing off God. It’s insanely thorough and after reading through every page on the entire site it’s super helpful. Go check it out!

No no no! Jewish LGBTQ kinderlach! Go to Keshet! 

hoperemains is completely from a Christian perspective, and not pluralistic or interfaith at all.

If you reblogged the first post from me please reblog this amendment so the Jewish peeps can access this resource too! 

Trans Jewish kids, you can go to TransTorah as well!

Muslim LGBTQ kids, you can go to iamnotharaam! It’s run by a mod squad of different genders and orientations, and they take submissions from everybody!

–BB

MAY ANYONE WHO REBLOGS THIS BE ELEVATED TO THE EQUIVALENT OF SAINTHOOD IN THEIR RELIGION BLESS ALL OF YOU OH MY GOD.

REBLOGGING THIS AGAIN BECAUSE IT’S SO FREAKING IMPORTANT TO ME AND ALL MY FOLLOWERS TO READ THAT DEAL WITH GRIEF AND GUILT WHILE BEING LGBTQ AND RELIGIOUS

Drew this at work just cause I thought it was cool.

Simon talked about this in a ln old brain blaze about America customs and now I'm curious.

i can't watch movies containing naval warfare for the same reason some horse lovers can't watch historic war movies where horses get shot

yes, i know the cannonballs aren't real. yes, i understand the ships are only pretending to sink. and yet, I am distress

Don't worry! The boats just turn into submarines when the sink! They don't actually take any damage, they just travel underwater to get a snack for being such good boats!

logically i know this, but it's still reassuring to hear someone say it out aloud

And! When they do a really really really good job they are given boat belly rubs! and an extra warm boat bath! I am glad I could be of help to reassure you my friend!

why do we praise boats like this boats are an invasive species and danger to the ocean and all of its natural wildlife like sharks and shipwreaks

okay wow that is a MASSIVE generalization, the boat genus has evolved over thousands of years and consists of hundreds of subspecies many of which are perfectly capable of living as part of a balanced aquatic ecosystem. boats aren't automatically evil just because *you personally* think they're big and scary.

@is-the-boat-video-cute your professional opinion?

Rating: Cute!

While there are invasive boat species (see: most species of yacht), most species of boat are fully acclimated to their environment!

this is my favourite genre of Tumblr post

what can i say tumblr loves shipping

#the last line really helped the whole bit sink in