I know it’s like cringe or whatever to care about media unironically but I actually do love when you love a story so much it becomes a part of your soul
There is nothing purer in this world than Lou Wilson finding out an NPC is Black and being excited.
actually supervillains with kid hero nemeses are hysterical bc if i was a billionaire and i found out the kid who was also my nemesis was a preteen orphan i would simply adopt them. oh you’re going to stop my nefarious schemes? how when you’re grounded. go to your room
the trick is be a good parent so they don’t wanna fight you. son if you topple my criminal empire how will i pay for your college? reverse batmanning
Weaponized guilt. Son you’re out on a school night? When you have that big science test tomorrow? I thought you’d be studying…getti g some rest…no I’m not mad I’m just. Well a little disappointed I guess. What do you mean this wouldn’t be happening if I’d stop robbing banks their insurance covers it son money isn’t real
Who’s this guy is he your “sidekick”? That’s so cute when are you having him over for dinner. I’m not teasing I think it’s sweet I’m glad you’re making friends. Side note how durable is he I’m about to throw a car at you
mcu has done IRREPERABLE damage to the public view of superheroes and im not even kidding. so many people (especially in leftist spaces!) when they think superhero think "soulless profit-driven husk of vaguely liberal ideologies". i am begging and pleading and screaming and throwing up and jumping onto spikes please read a green arrow comic or doom patrol or anything please i promise you superheroes have merit and worth i promise you the mcu is lying to you and superheroes have so much more potential than disney allows them to experience PLEASE *foam dripping from lips*
IM NOT SAYING SUPERHEROES ARE A REVOLUTIONARY LEFTIST MEDIUM IM SAYING THAT THEY WERE CREATED AS JEWISH POWER FANTASIES IN THE WAKE OF WWII AND GIVE PEOPLE AN OPPORTUNITY FOR HOPE AND WONDER AND PEOPLE ESPECIALLY MARGINALIZED KIDS DESERVE TO SEE THEMSELVES REPRESENTED AS HEROES AND PEOPLE WHO CAN DO AMAZING THINGS
i am sobbing and embracing you like an old friend and nodding vigorously YOU!!!! YOU UNDERSTAND!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!! THANK YOU
An adorable thought I've had concerning single Dad! Logan and baby! Patton while reading up on child language acquisition:
- Logan reading that stereotypical "baby-talk" is bad for children's development and resolving never to use it.
- He probably wouldn't have anyway, he thinks it's condescending and considers his son to be way too smart for that sort of thing, but it's always good to have scientific evidence.
- So Logan talks to Patton (who is an Actual Baby) the same way he would address any of his adult friends or colleagues and always answers him like he's talking back.
Logan: *reading a newspaper while Patton's sitting in his lap being A Baby* Hmm, Patton, what do you make of all this?
Patton: *Staring up at Logan like he's just seen the sun for the first time* a-da.
Logan: *trying hard not to smile/ start crying* That's...a very interesting position, I hasn't considered that before, thank you.
Patton: *Sticks Logan's tie in his mouth*
- Better yet, grocery shopping:
Logan: *looking very seriously down at Patton in the trolley* Now that you are of an age to start eating solids, it is vital for us to foster healthy eating habits.
Patton: *looks back as seriously as he is able, while also chewing on a tiny frog plushie*
Logan: Yes, I know it's disagreeable, but some things must be done, I'm afraid. From now on we will only be stocking nutritious, sugar free snacks in the kitchen. That is what I've decided.
Patton: a-bleh
Logan: Oh, alright fine. I suppose it wouldn't hurt for us to pick up a couple of jars of Crofters. If you insist.
Patton: *starts giggling, kicking his tiny legs in the trolley happily*
Logan: *while physically restraining himself showing his child with kisses and affection in the middle of the store.* Mind your legs please, Patton. Yes I suppose it wouldn't hurt to get some cookies as well. As long as you promise to eat your vegetables first.
- Just...Logan raising Patton man, there's no many adorable scenarios in my head.
- Logan reads to Patton out of scientific journals and things because he's trying to get him interested in the subject at an early age.
- Logan having to get one of those baby carriers that you strap to your chest just so he can get things done throughout the day because Patton wants to be carried all the time.
- And once Patton actually does learn how to talk, Logan has an impossible time saying no to anything.
- Patton consistently asking random "why" questions and Logan is never, ever, ever too busy to answer. Or even if he is, or if he doesn't know he'll be like "That's an interesting query, let me get back to you on that" and then he does actual research.
- Logan, like most parents, fully unironically believes Patton is totally an undiscovered genius.
I am just sitting here bursting with giddy energy over how PRECIOUS this is!!!
I LOVE this
Superman introducing Battinson Bruce to his parents though.
Ma and Pa Kent open the door, ready to meet their boy’s new bf, but it’s only Clark on the porch.
Clark: :D
Ma: Hi, honey. Where is your boy?
And then, peeking around the door frame, is Bruce in a suit and long wool coat, gaunt, squinting against the sun.
Bruce: hi it’s nice to meet you I’m Bruce
Pa: Oh, you didn’t have to get all dressed up to meet us!
Bruce: Mybutlermademe
Ma: Butler? Mercy, Clark, where did you find this one?
—
Clark disappears into the kitchen to help Ma with dinner, leaving Bruce and Pa sitting in the front room watching a baseball game. Bruce is sitting in an armchair, stiff as a board, anxiety level 100.
Pa: So Clark tells me you do the same sort of thing he does? Swoop around and help folks and such?
Bruce, blurting out the first thing that comes to mind: I can’t fly.
Pa: Wh—Okay?
Bruce: I am a bat but I can’t fly. Not without my Wingsuit.
Pa:…
Bruce, realizing what he just said: never mind
Pa, turning back to the tv: So how about them Yankees?
—
Ma: And this is our chicken coop. It’s a little musty, but Clark comes by to help tidy up once a week.
Bruce: *observing*
Ma: There’s this got-dang coyote—
Bruce, pointing at the corner: The coyote that’s been eating your chickens is burrowing under there. Reinforce it.
Ma:…I love you.
—
Pa: So what’s it like in Gotham?
Bruce, hunching over: The city is overrun with crime. Darkness lurks in every corner. We have an average twelve days of sun a year. Recently there has been a noxious cloud of gas hanging over the city center. I perch myself on my tower to observe. I become part of the building. I am a gargoyle.
Pa:…
Pa: Do you like living there?
Bruce, whispering fiercely: iloveit
—
Clark, flying Bruce back home: My parents love you.
Bruce: okay
Clark: They’re convinced you’re a cryptid that’s latched onto my soul, though.
i do not think they are wrong, clark
The shit Bruce has to do to maintain Brucie Wayne literally keeps me up at night. I think about the comic panel where the security guy was like, “check the bathroom, he accidentally locks himself in there sometimes” at least 3 times a day
And on my Bruce Wayne isn’t Batman post I was like, yea he definitely does that shit. Like does he just go about his day, looks at something and goes, “yea, it’s time to be stupid”
Bruce wakes up with a grin on his face. Alfred asks why he’s in such a good mood.
“Well, Alfred,” he says, “it’s been awhile since I’ve done anything entertainingly ditzy.” He closes his eyes, breathes deeply through his nose, and exhales, looking like some parody of a coffee commercial.
“It’s a himbo day.”
@theoneswhotry bruh I started coughing from laughter
Okay but now i’m thinking about — what if it isn’t all Entirely an act???
I mean, just think about… think about finals week. You’re up late studying night after night, there’s all this pressure to maintain a state of intense and prolonged focus, the stakes are high and every mistake has consequences — and when it’s done? The brain goes OFF. No more thinky juice! 2+2= 🐟???
And batman is living like that all the gosh-darn time
When he’s on? He is ON. He has to know everything, be everywhere — and even when he’s in over his head he’ll never admit it, ‘cause so much of his thing relies on the urban-legend of The Batman as this mysterious and untouchable force.
So when he’s off? After so much hypercompetency, it’s entirely reasonable for a guy to take regular vacations to Himboland
like: I do not HAVE to think, therefore I won’t! I can make as many stupid mistakes as I want!! the nice lady at the front desk told me my shoe was untied and she didn’t even try to kill me about it. There’s still good in this world mr. frodo Sometimes People Are Good :)
(and No I’m Not just saying this because I’m a real-life Competent Individual who walks into walls when tired and also once got lost on the way to the local library & nearly wound up in New Jersey shhhhhhh)
I’m too lazy to crop but yes
And how about if the Batfam actually made tally for the Stupid quota? Esp. Bruce and Dick, since the RR comics potray Tim to be serious-charismatic in office (to compensate his family lol) while his inner head is chaos (but still the fake engagement was a lmao moment tho)
Like, Brucie and Richie, keeping a calendar filled with the schedule of messing with the reporters, with Tim helping finding some bulshit excuse for each wound bc he's meticulous??
And they put the most absurd excuse in a dart roulette???
Like, ouch, stab wound #13 of the week.
Roulette.
"Oh, Bruce tried to filled a salmon yesterday"
and the tabloids began to write Kim K type of "The Rich Can't Cook To Save Themselves" about Bruce afterwards
I love these.
But I also can’t help think of how I love these because I fell in love with Batman first and the chaotic, himbo energy of his Bruce Wayne persona became a hilarious thought experiment later. Because, like...
If we had some real life vigilantes here and now, and I later found out they were Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg, I would be FURIOUS.
Y'see though, that would never happen.
We are asked to put up with a lot of things in the name of willing suspension of disbelief, but based on what I see in the real world, the biggest stretch (at least with regards to Batman) is that a person can amass a multi-billion dollar fortune and still be a decent person. Yes, you have people like Bill Gates and Warren Buffett who sort of do the right thing after they've made their billions, but that doesn't change what they did to get there. I remember the early 2000s, I remember when Microsoft was more maligned than Monsanto and more importantly why. Bruce is what we want the ultra-rich to do with their means, but they never do that because it would mean they have less, and the single minded money lust that drives them would never let that happen.
Also if Elon or Bezos became a vigilante, you would immediately know about it because while Batman's motivation is to make sure that no one loses their parents like he did and that Gotham is a safe place to live, the motivation for Musk or Bezos would be to stroke their egos and their public image. They would partner with a local police department and get themselves deputized so they could publicly announce their superheroism, pose for photos with the criminals they catch and the noble police officers working behind the scenes to get the job done.
TL;DR himbo Bruce works where it wouldn't IRL because Bruce is a good person and real-life billionaires aren't.
Listen, Bruce has to be a billionaire. He has to put in the effort to build up a company big enough to squash all his competition because all his competition is evil. They're Lex Luthor (or others of his ilk), they're in with the mob, they're in with a themed villain, they're a front for your average corrupt politician. Most billionaires are evil because you have to be ruthless to get to the top and only evil people would be that ruthless . . . or someone who doesn't have a better choice because Gotham is a corrupt, cursed cesspit of a city. Gotham needs someone they can trust on top of the economic food chain and that's the Waynes and the Gordons, and the Gordons are busy elsewhere while the Waynes inherited a conglomeration.
Would also like to submit that sometimes Bruce does stupid stuff not because his brain is off, but because it's elsewhere. He's thinking about how to nip Ivy's latest plot in the bud and operating on autopilot; he has no idea he's been pushing at a pull door for thirty seconds straight and is being filmed by the person at the front desk who is definitely sending it to one of his children. Bruce taking notes in the cave and absentmindedly stirs his coffee with his pen. Bruce walking into the giant penny in full Batman costume because he's trying to think ahead to that night's game plan.
Now the last thing Ryan and Shane need to do is to announce another Web series called "Bad Detectives" or something like that which will obviously be the Watcher equivalent of True Crime and then the ultimate "fuck you Buzzfeed" will be completed.
canonicallypuzzled
It’s the Thought That Counts, Right?
Summary: Patton been getting themed gifts from the others for some time, he wants to love them but they bring up a lot of bad memories.
Patton was siting in the common area, watching “The Office” for the umpteenth time. He wasn’t really sure what the others were doing, they were all away in their rooms. Not that he could blame them, the events after the wedding were less than great. Without the sounds of Roman’s singing, Logan’s lectures, and Virgil’s sarcastic responses the mindscape was eerily quiet.
He nearly jumped out of his seat when he felt the other side of the couch sink, which he quickly covered with a smile, “Hey kiddo, long time no see!”
The corners of Virgil’s lips quirked up, “Yeah…” He balled up his fists in his pockets, “I heard about what happened.”
“You did?" Patton did his best to keep his voice neutral, but he could still feel his heart rate spike. He hoped that Virgil didn’t notice.
Had Virgil come to the realization that he was bad? That he didn’t really know what was right and what was wrong? Had he come to let him know how disappointed he was and that he couldn’t be friends with someone who couldn’t even do their job?
BAAAAARRRRRYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Green Lantern: hey does anyone have a bandaid?
Batman: only if you promise not to tell anyone
Green Lantern: .......sure?
Batman, opening up his utility belt: do you want a dinosaur bandaid or a spaceship bandaid
Green Lantern:
Green Lantern: spaceships please.
Batman: ok
Of Chickens & Check-Ins
Many of the party's problems could be blamed on Remus. Logan may have to admit that this particular bout of miscommunication could not.
Written for a holiday gift exchange!
characters: Logan, Virgil, Roman, Remus, Patton, Janus
pairings: Analogical; Royality; Dukeceit
content tags: D&D/fantasy AU; Remus causing chaos; communication; a lot of gender-fuckery <33; asexual Virgil & Logan; communicating about ace/aro identities; miscommunication that is eventually resolved; some minor innuendo
gifted to: @airiervessel
reader tags: @royally-anxious @jemthebookworm @arandompasserby @sparkly-rainbow-salt @astral-eclipse @thelowlysatsuma @adorably-angsty @max-is-tired @almostoveranalyzed @potestessemagishomosexualitatis @mariniacipher
word count: 3,892
⁂
In a turn of events that was, in Logan’s opinion, quite predictable, the current predicament was all Remus’ fault.
Well, nearly all.
Logan would later admit that perhaps he shouldn’t have challenged Remus on this particular issue. But, in his defense, he was also still new to being a spellcaster from anything other than his ki so he was just trying to understand how a warlock could cast a druid spell and also he was still fairly certain that not every explanation could be “My demon daddy said I could.”
Logan sat on a boulder at the edge of the field, staring at the veritable horde of chickens running about, bawk-ing nonstop. Between the chickens and the eggs they kept laying, the space was an absolute mess. He glanced at the rest of his adventuring party, racking his brains for whose abilities might help them avoid an awkward conversation with the farmer whose pasture they’d ‘borrowed’ for Remus’ demonstration.
Waiting to Know (on Ao3)
Roman Lorde is moving into the other side of the duplex his brother owns (well technicaly, they have joint ownership) after a long separation. He’s bringing his boyfriends, Logan Alexander and Patton Brown, and hope he can rebuild his relationship with his brother. Remus Lorde is kind of excited, but he’s just excitable. Janus Campell is cautious, Virgil Patel is concerned, and Remy Lorde avoids work like it’s his job but is still a better landlord than most.
Roman, Logan and Patton were unprepared for their incredibly adorable next door neighbor capturing their hearts. But Virgil’s dating Remus and Janus- isn’t he?
a piece ive been working on for a while!! this was a part of a gift exchange i did with some friends and ohh man ive been so excited to share this
to my giftee, vi, i really hope you enjoy this piece!
this emerged in my head when I was trying to drive
Like this
The only thing missing from that illustration is other drivers' (presumed) reactions, depicted here:
The Creativity Twins approach you, oh my
Not sure how this turned into a weird, abstract looking night club-like scene, but I'm not complaining
DO NOT TAG AS SHIP
(click for better quality)