me at work: im evil

1 second after i clock out: not evil anymore i want to be loved now

next day at work: evil again

i doubt the twilight script writers realised what they had done when they wrote the line “no, our bus is full” but to this day it is one of the funniest things ever said in film. that dramatic little bitch. if i had written that line, i would have taken the rest of the day off after penning that, and it would have been well deserved.

Cobra venom isn’t poisonous. People just get freaked out when they get bitten by cobras and let their negative emotions do the poisoning for them. I’ve been bitten by dozens of serpents over the last fortnight and due to my positive attitude I am healthier than I have ever been in years.

im gonna start a band specifically to start a romance within it that then ruins the band

if u verbally give me a set of instructions that has more than TWO steps i promise u i will not retain them. the very moment u give me a third instruction my brain is immediately cleared like a fuckin etch a sketch dude pls im begging u write it down for me bc i will NOT remember a word u said if u tell me more than two steps im begging u

this scene deserved at least 10 emmys 

At least.

thinking about girls..

tv shows with time travel organizations/bureaus/police/agencies/whatever should have a department with instead of a tech genius eating candy, it’s a harried seamstress or fashion designer who is like

“1450 italy? does it look like I have the time to dye you wool? nO. YOU’RE GOING TO THE 1980s”

and throws shoulder pads at the hapless time agent

“I literally made three- THREE- 18th century corsets last week. You can wait until one of them gets back, or you can go sometime post-1920s, because if I have to sew one more god damn channel I will literally lose my mind.”

“Upper middle class?!?!? You told me upper class! FUCK YEAH THERE’S A DIFFERENCE!!!”

“How about kimoNO.”

“Look me in the eyes. I do not care what you want. This is the 1500s. You absolutely cannot wear trousers.”

“Another court gown?? Here’s a novel idea: go as a peasant for once in your life. Why do you do this to me? You’re fucking sadists that’s why.”

“Don’t mind me, I’ll just be up all night hand painting silk.”

“THE POLICY IS ONE MONTH’S ADVANCE NOTICE ON PRE-1900s WOMEN’S FASHION FOR A REASON, DEBRA.”

one of my favorite human quirks is when the power goes out and you’re w other ppl and inevitably someone says ‘did the power go out?’ like...you’re all sitting there in the dead dark, tv black, wifi gone, lights OUT but still they’re like ‘hm. well I have a theory but it needs to be submitted for peer-review’

Me, sitting in my dark room after everything short-circuited: Hm. I can't be certain, but I don't think this is how it was a moment ago

Sometimes I just start singing and my mom joins in

Whoa…

#don’t trust this #they’re probably sirens

These two are singing “O magnum mysterium” by Tomas Luis De Victoria! It’s a very pretty piece from the renaissance that has a lot of different voice parts singing totally different melodies that mesh well together. I sung tenor for a song of his as well. It sounds ethereal in cathedrals and bathrooms alike my opinion. Its the room’s ability to bounce sound and make it resonate, giving it it’s “mermaid siren” like quality. It sounds great. Congratulations, you both! Sounds very pretty and seems like a fun time to clean with things like that.

yes its back on my dash

god lol

I always reblog the bathroom sirens <3 

I know no one on this site watches it but uhhhh…Jules from Imposters is…how you say…hot

not to be That Bitch but it really is insidious that the construction of the concept of “granny panties” has made women self conscious about their freaking underwear of all things (meant to be worn underneath your clothes and not be seen most of the time!!!) to the point where women sacrifice comfort to wear a gstring or cheeky hipster or whatever crap the industry comes up with all so that women can be constantly maintaining not just a pleasing outward appearance but a ~sexy~ state of mind

not to mention many of the ~sexy~ underwears are made of silk, lycra, nylon blends which are not breathable fabrics and can lead to irritation and infections. cotton underwears are looked down on but its one of the best option for breathability so wear those granny panties and be comfortable!!!

I need a minimum of 2 hours at the start of every day to just vibe before I actually begin my day lol

I would not have all these worries had I been born a goat

y'all: i'd simp for him. he can literally step over me and i'd apologize.

him in question:

2020 is what 2012 wanted to be

bro if the gang really got stuck somewhere in the 60s, does this mean that Dave is not only alive and well but also that he hasn’t been deployed to Vietnam yet?

hermione granger and her bitches. just wrapped around her finger. on some queen shit. QUEEN SHIT. she straight up ran the fucking school. the real protagonist of harry potter. sorry i dont make the rules