I AM SO SERIOUS WHEN I SAY THAT I WILL UNFOLLOW THE FUCK OUT OF YOU IF I SEE YOU REBLOGGING THAT PHOTO-SET OF THE COCKATOO COVERED IN CHOCOLATE

That is not funny

That is not cute

It is animal abuse

BIRDS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT CHOCOLATE

BIRDS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE COATED IN CHOCOLATE

Why the fuck do you think birds who get coated in oil die? It’s for the same goddamn reason.

You idiots can have all the chuckles you want over the fact that that poor animal is “living the dream” but I hope you also know that it probably died from that.

And if you still find it funny then I genuinely do not want to associate you and can only wish upon you the most painful and awful death imaginable. 

I just want to point out that no one is forcing the bird into the chocolate

No one pulled the damn thing in

In fact it fully appears to be waddling into the fountain by its damn self

Calm the hell down chocolate is not the damn same as chocolate

Its just a bird making a mistake and it’s fucking funny

It’s not animal cruelty unless someone was holding that bird at gunpoint fucking christ

Oh good. I was waiting for some moron to try and defend this.

Listen here cum-slut, I bet you 5 million dollars that you don’t own a bird. But guess what? I own 7. And I can tell you right now that a bird would never just walk into something like a chocolate fountain. They’ll rarely walk directly into water.

But say that your idiotic theory is correct.

Say it did actually walk into it.

That animal still probably died.

Is that still funny to you? Do you still get your kicks out of knowing that that bird was probably terrified and opening its mouth to scream in that last panel?

And if you say yes then you seriously disgust me as a human being.

Guys those photos were fake, it was CGI, it was from that adam sandler movie jack an Jill

>hear frantic clicking and the sounds of exertion

>must be a rhythm game player

>genuinely impressed at the apm

>look outside

>crabs are pinching a man to death

Sorry I used your baby pictures in my psychological horror ARG and now terminally online people think you're the first victim of "The Rancid Howler"

KRISTEN STEWART Rolling Stone Magazine (Feb 14, 2024)

I loooove removing the additional comments from the version of a post I’m reblogging. get this shit out of here I wanna talk to op alone.

talking to a queer person you just met and slowly beginning to realize they're a category 10 normie is honestly horror movie material you're just saying your funny words seeing the recognition-as-human slowly drain from their eyes feeling the violins in the score swell as it dawns on you that this person has never even interacted with an armpit in a sexual context

0 fucking sense of irony for someone to put this tag on this post. The call is coming from inside the house dude…

not even a full year apart... we stay silly :3 🐈

literally fuck off lol

tumblr has doubled down and after almost a week re-reviewed MY FUCKING TRANSITION and decided it still needed a community label for sexual themes

fuck this website and fuck every person working there you pricks

hey remember the website that did this? well op just got deleted by them! fuck this website

Feeling like a sims 1 sim.

Full video here of this gastropod-specialized snake actually eating the snail, I just think these first few seconds are the new funniest thing in the world somehow

visiting the paris catacombs today and my mom messaged me saying "make sure you check the weather forecast before you go" . in the catacombs?

That's why you need unions 🤷‍♀️

Please keep work place safety in mind at all times

Did I mess up somehow

blood is basically the most normal thing for a sword to hunger for. if a sword gained sentience and started asking me for blood i'd be like yeah i thought you might say that

my sword hungers for gochujang and its a real pain to get the good stuff

The demonic sword grabs my hand tightly preventing me from ever putting it down and fills me with it’s unearthly lust for mashed potatoes and diet cola.

"Look, I need you to listen to me." The blade spoke from its place gripped in the long-de-fleshed bones of its former master. It's blade was steel, polished to a satinlike, workman's finish, with an oddly vibrant red cross-guard and grip that was so shiny that it seemed wet. Along the blade was engraved an abstract twisting coil that ended in a sharp point.

It spoke with the cadence of a used horse peddler.

"No, you're a cursed evil sword, probably thirsty for blood or souls or whatnot." The knight said, idly picking through the coin pouch that once belonged to the sword's master.

"Okay, yes. I am an evilly cursed sword. But I don't feed on blood or souls. But I am fucking starving and need your help."

" What is it then?" The knight sighed. This was not his first encounter with this sort of thing and the novelty had long since worn off. "Bile? Innocence? Fear? Plump Bavarian housefraus? Speak, fiend!"

"Fiend? I'm not even evil. The curse is evil, not me. Go ahead, detect my alignment, I won't even oppose the effort." The blade sounded offended.

The knight obliged, reasoning that he was going to have to take that precaution anyhow, and it was best to do so when the vile thing was most cooperative.

"True Neutral. Who curses a neutral sword? Much less evilly so?"

"Nevermind that. I see you have a bottle of beer there... Oh, two bottles! Oh I think we're gonna be good friends."

The knight raised a brow. "You drink alcohol?"

"No, never touch the stuff. Wouldn't be, ya know, professional-like. Nah, what I need, what I need is for you to take my blade, and just... pop the cap off that. Just pop it right off." The blade then made a "pop" sound with the mouth it didn't have. "Just like that."

"What?" The knight looked confused. Then he looked suspicious. "Is.. is this a kink?"

"What? No!"

The sword paused for two breaths longer than was reasonable.

"Maybe? Look, I feed on the satisfaction produced by that little pop when a cap or cork comes off, all pleasant and refreshing even before you take a drink. That's all I need, and I've been waiting for three centuries down here, conversing with the cranium rats, waitin' for it. Do you know what cranium rats talk about?"

"No?"

"Cheese. Cheese and world domination. They do not care at all for the simple pleasures of opening a cool, refreshing fermented beverage after a long day." The sword whispered, as if trying to hide his dealings from prying ears. "Tell ya what. If you give me that, I will improve my capacity to cause harm by a roughly 3 in 20 chance and do extra cold damage in your hand. That's a good deal right there."

The knight paused. The sword wasn't evil. It was powerful. And while all magic had its costs, sometimes those costs were just plain stupid. If faeries would make shoes in exchange for cream then why wouldn't a sword exchange power for a little ritual?

"Heck, you talked me into it. I'll even throw in detecting poisons! No extra charge. Just use me to crack into a cold one."

"What is it with you and opening beers? What kind of cursed sword feeds on removing caps and corks?"

"That's my curse!"

"How's that a curse?"

"I used to be a bottle opener!"

i’m literally a boytoy i shouldn’t have to WORK

Anthony bourdain is literally a butch to me

Her name is Leslie and we’re always locking eyes at the bar but I’m too shy to ever speak to her …

There Def used to be a Tumblr waaaaay back in the day that was just men who looked like old butches and every single one it was like, once you see it, you can't unsee it.

Cool that western media spent weeks asserting Israel didn't bomb the first hospital it bombed in Gaza then once Israel established its policy of completely annihilating all civilian health infrastructure and killing as many doctors and nurses as possible they've completely lost interest in that diligent reporting

the original dni

Gale for some reason every time my tav does something horrible & deranged:

Gale really is the king of looking the other way

He said,