Mad Queer

“You’re not for the streets Pricilla.”

Absolutely

i think that if squirrels had the capacity to use and understand language they would constantly be saying shit like "I'm such a nutpilled stumpcel" and so on

how do i delete someone elses post

u have to gather seven sacred objects of power and shit. it's a whole quest. sorry

they dont want us to know this but the real cure to the agonies is to engage in shenanigans. tomfoolery even 

Here’s the rest it’s just as funny

If you ever wonder why a lot of mainstream musicians aren't happy it's bc this is what record labels do with their entire career, music, image, etc

Unrestrained summer fun 😁

this must be such a delicate experience for a creature that can dive two stories deep and has been seen cliff diving into the ocean

Starving to death this morning because ive been to the new local cafe twice this week already and if i go a third time ill look desperate.

Me: I like the goods and/or services you offer in exchange for my money

The cafe, in my head: lmao cringe, kill yrself buddy

The endlessly wailing siren of my social anxiety issues is probably not going to be silenced by the people in the comments pointing out that being a regular at a restaurant is a normal thing for people to be, but I do zero-sarcasm appreciate the attempt, is very kind!

I used to walk into [redacted nonpizza store] in my area and the guy behind the counter would immediately ask me if I wanted a pizza. truly I experienced the mortifying ordeal of being known as the pizza guy

compared to that being a regular at a normal cafe ordering normal breakfast items would be a real relief

Literally dread this scenario, to have your identity *reduced down* to a single item order, to be known as such a plebian with such a restricted palette that your order can be charted in advance, oh widdle ash wants his chicken tendies uwu.

I agree having a set breakfast order is more socially acceptable than a set pizza order. But its not enough; its never enough.

Though life update: i did just go to the cafe in the end. I compromised with my anxiety by ordering a sandwich instead of my typical bagel. It was fine but not as good.

on the flipside, we went to the same place for brunch a couple years, one time my buddy orders something new, and while he’s eating five different members of the wait staff stopped by to be like “did they bring you the wrong thing?”

This thread needs a trigger warning keep the horror stories coming

There was a bakeshop near my house that made soft ginger cookies and and macarons but only 2-3 good flavors. I walked in once and the cashier (who I definitely didn’t recognize) said “let me guess - ginger cookies and cookies-n-cream macarons, right?”

Needless to say, I never returned.

I once went to a McDonald’s, the cashier said “big mac combo meal and a chicken burger, right?” and I said “yeah” and then didn’t come back for two years

This entire genre of concern so fascinatingly foreign to me! the cafeteria pizza guy knows I want 3 slices of whatever veggie pizza he has, and he will have them ready for me without me having to say anything besides a quick murmured thanks, and he smiles when he sees me and starts to grab them, and it feels so good! to be known, even a little bit, to be a small constant in someone else’s life… there’s just something so beautiful and precious and good in that, for me.

When I lived in [the city where I lived for undergrad] there was this place very close to my house with cheap and delicious lamb curry and the people at the counter knew my face and would start scooping the lamb curry into a bowl when they saw me come through the door. I thought this was lovely of them and always made sure to tip generously. Restaurant and regular is a mutually beneficial relationship.

Yeah there’s a bakery/cafe a few doors down from me and reaching the point where they a) remember my face/name and b) know my regular order meant that I can no longer get breakfast anywhere else ever.

Had the guy at the taco truck I routinely went to for lunch who asked me after a few years if I only ate burritos or something, no man I’m just don’t see the need to mix up my lunches.

As someone who’s been both front and back of house in various large and small food services: regulars account for roughly 40% of sales and thier consistency makes it easier to order supplies and keep stock levels stable.

As front of house my regulars were always a welcome sight, an easy serve and clear, a guaranteed a happy customer and pleasant interaction. Especially in diners or lunch spots where reliable turnover = tips and most people never come in more than once, having a familiar face who’s rhythms and tastes you recall makes the rest of your service work easier.

If you have any anxiety about being a regular somewhere just be sure to tip well, and you will magically transform from ‘pizza guy’ or ‘lamb curry dude’ to Beloved Favorite Regular and the servers will squabble to get you seated in thier section.

When I worked for Domino’s Pizza, there was a guy who ordered a pizza, without fail, on Thursday at 6pm. Until the day he didn’t.

One of our drivers was delivering nearby and decided to check on the guy. Turns out the guy got home, got most of the way through the door, and lost consciousness. (If memory serves, it was a diabetic episode.) Driver couldn’t revive him and called 911. Saved the guy’s life.

when i worked in a remote office when i started my job, i went to denny’s for lunch enough that i’d just walk in and a server would go “take a seat over there, I’ll be over with your iced tea to take your order in a moment”

Food service workers love their regulars, especially if you’re a good tipper and are polite, we literally look forward to seeing you every day. Also service workers don’t care if you order the same thing, and us remembering your order means we like you.

^^^^

Also no we aren’t “boiling your personality down to an item/order”, you are. We are offering you preference recall and welcoming you and your *presence* does in fact correspond to our need to give you a certain order. It’s okay for that to happen.

For all my fellow social anxiety sufferers out there. Because my local coffee shop knows I always get iced coffee or a mocha and a biscotti and it stresses me the fuck out because I’m like “What if they think my order is dumb?? What if they’re like there she goes again stuffing her face with biscottis all the time” but nothing matters and a biscotti with your coffee in the morning really makes all the difference in what kinda day you’re gonna have.

I have pretty severe social anxiety, but there was a Chinese restaurant in [town I lived in for a few years] that made some of the very best egg drop soup, vegetable lo mein, and spring rolls. I ordered that every time I went there. They would seat me by a window in a quiet spot because they saw me put earplugs on when things got noisy.

Then I moved to a different but nearby town. I’m unable to drive (due to medical reasons) and public transportation didn’t go near the town. It was a year later, when I had a study group, that I was able to go there again. We had been taking turns for what restaurant we would eat and study at. We’d be there for hours, ordering several meals, and tip heavy, around 50%. Anyone one of us who couldn’t afford to eat or tip would be covered by the rest because several of my classmates were from wealthy families. They covered me more than once in exchange for drawings.

When it was my turn, we went to the Chinese restaurant. I walked in and they immediately knew who I was and what I favored. It was pretty dead in there, so we mostly had the place to ourselves. It ended up being a six course meal and five hours of studying and discussing the project. They brought me my favs as soon as they saw my plate or bowl was empty. The bill ended up at a little over $1k.

A couple months later, a friend took me there where we had a nice lunch after I finished my last exam. The owner approached our table and told me each of the students I had brought last time were now regulars. Some brought more people, and business was booming. They gave me a little card that said I would receive free meals for the next two years, as thanks for being a regular bringing in so many new people.

Before I moved across the country, I wanted to visit the place for a final meal before leaving. The place was closed with a sign that said “moved to new location.” The new location was near the university. So we went there, and the owner informed me that because so many of their new regulars were uni students, they moved. The place was easily 3x the size of their original. They told me it was always packed during meal times, and they now opened for breakfast with tradition Chinese breakfast foods. Business was booming, and all because of their regulars.

Being a regular is one of the very best compliments you can offer a restaurant, diner, meal trucks, etc. They love seeing you, especially if you tip well. I will likely never eat there again due to living more than 2500 miles away, but it feels good that my love for egg drop soup, vegetable lo mein, and spring rolls helped out a wonderful restaurant.

Be a regular. They love you.

we are creatures of pattern and routine and community and affection. life is good when it is a calm, peaceful, pleasant routine with happy, friendly faces

I have a regular customer at my dominos (nice guy, tips well, orders regularly) who's allergic to tomatoes. Not deathly allergic, but he can't have any variant of red sauce on his pizza.

A couple nights ago he ordered a pizza with red sauce, and three separate people, without checking with each other, called him to ask if it was a mistake and if he needs to change his order.

Turns out, he has a new girlfriend.

Deep in the article, there’s this nugget:

When people say “fuck u/spez,” this is Spez. I do not have the sort of imagination that can readily convert the way Reddit communities currently work to “businesses.”

neopronouns are getting so crazy wtf is 9/11

don’t even say that to me

imagine you're frolicking in a field, prancing through long grass, singing "falalalala~", occasionally picking a flower. etc, etc. but a guy in the same field is watching you, about 20 paces away. he lowers his opera glasses (which he was using to watch you) and starts clutching his head and screaming with blind rage because of how much you're pissing him off. that's what it's like to be on the internet.

“Kazul’s not my dragon.“ Cimorene said sharply. “I’m her princess. You’ll never have any luck dealing with dragons if you don’t get these things straight.”

Dealing With Dragons - Patricia C. Wrede

So fun story this book was actually the beginning of my understanding of the wild unfairness of the American school system.

In the summer before my 7th grade year we were given a list of books to read and told to read two. I read this, and a beautiful book called Hope Was Here. Highly recommend both. Still reread both on occasion to this day.

I was the only one who read either of those books. We had a group project to do about the books we read, and instead of asking me how hard it would be to read any of the other four books on the list in the week we had to do the project (I was churning through a short novel a day at that point, and would have been able to read any of the other books before the end of the school day, easily) my teacher asked if I could do the project on my own.

Then it came to light that two other students hadn’t read ANY of the books. So clearly the best course of action was to put them in my group and ask me to write a three person group project on my own.

Ms McMan, if you ever read this, you were the first teacher in *eight years* of learning to make me dislike school. And your French accent is atrocious.

“Kazul’s not my dragon.“ Cimorene said sharply. “I’m her princess. You’ll never have any luck dealing with dragons if you don’t get these things straight.”

Dealing With Dragons - Patricia C. Wrede

In a steamroller running over every white hair anime boy slowly in a long line

I will literally joke about how I'm a hater then remember people literally have whole blogs dedicated to hating people and media and actually maybe I'm a lover who happens to occasionally dabble on criticising the things i don't like.

Toucan: “that there just ain’t natural”

*old southern cowboy drawl* listen, pardner. this bed IS big enough for the both of us so come cuddle already

almost time