“And here’s the thing. I spent the summer seeing if I could survive the process of healing. I have spent the past 3 months in despair. 3 months remembering all the bad. 3 months being hurt all over again. 3 months replaying moments that broke me until my heart couldn’t take it. 3 months feeling abandoned and alone and angry like I was 13 again. I spent time in silence and solitude. I cried every morning, every car ride, even when I went to my coffee shop, I cried in bed, in the shower, on walks. Almost every thing I did turned into an opportunity to let something out through my tears. I was filled with sadness and I let it run out of me, rivers of it flooded my cheeks. I spent the last 3 months, getting the heart break to the surface, letting it breathe. I didn’t like it. I hated it. It made me hate living, feeling so full of pain and so empty of anything good. But I’ve started to remember beyond the bad moments. I’m starting to remember who I am. I have started to see the good when I look in the mirror, to take pride in who I am. I have started to be okay with growing from who I used to be, from the person I longed to return to. Because I am enough, here and now. I have gotten through my worst moments, and for better or for worse it has made me into who I am. I have to love who that person is. So. I spent the last 3 months in despair. Every moment threatening ruin. But it didn’t. I broke, over and over again For all the times I couldn’t, just so I could survive. And I’m healing. I’m putting back the pieces, and in the end, I know I’ll be made of stronger stuff. And all I can say now is, it is a process. Healing means breaking apart, digging up the past, spending months alone, forgiving yourself, allowing yourself to be less than whole. Healing means learning to love yourself, with all the flaws you wanted to erase for so long. Healing means figuring out who you are without ignoring the bad. Healing means solitude and silence, time away from the people who you find your identity in, until you find it in yourself. Healing means discovering all the things that weren’t okay, and hurting for the person you used to be when they didn’t know it wasn’t okay. Healing means establishing boundaries, even if it means exploring the unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Healing means hurting, until it doesn’t. And I’ll admit, it still feels like breaking apart sometimes. But sometimes, it feels worth it.</”

“Love has nothing to do with grand, materialistic gestures. No amount of fancy dinners or flowers are going to strengthen your love. It’s all in the vulnerability that exists between two people: the dialogue, the eye contact, the innocent reaching of their hand. When was the last time someone got to know the real you? I’m not talking about your favourite dessert or colour, what I am referring to is the intimacy laced in the questions surrounding your dreams, desires- darkness. Has anyone ever taken the time to question your dreams, no matter how out of reach they may seem and encouraged you to pursue them? Have they ever taken the darker parts of your mind into their gentle hands and insisted on learning every corner in order to understand you better? Better yet, when was the last time intimacy presented itself through the eagerness to help you bloom both personally and professionally? I believe it is only when you meet this person will you be able to grasp the raw concepts of selfless love and fierce intimacy. When this time comes, it will feel as though you were not yourself until you met this person- and you would be correct. You have this habit of settling for someone who only loves you at a surface level yet we both know you deserve a love depths beyond such neglect. I know the tired beats of your heart reflect how many times you have been heartbroken, loved in the wrong way or more commonly- misunderstood. The temptation to close the book on that fairytale love you have longed for your whole life is as seductive as ever- this I understand. However, hold out for a little while longer, would you please? I ask you this due to the simple fact that my soul mate appeared when I least expected it. I felt their purity of love with every word, sentence, question- compliment. The overwhelming love sweeped me off my feet like a tsunami, breaking every dam I built around my heart to keep the pain out; defying all the doubts and fears I had attached to love. I should have been terrified at the intensity but every fibre of my being somehow understood that the waves would never hurt me. My love, unless someone aches to scuba dive into your heart to learn every chamber, string and mechanism of its function to learn how to love you the way you deserve- never settle for less under any circumstances.”