Roaring Ember

I’m sure someones already said this but I often see Tumblr described as a hellsite. This is fundamentally incorrect.

Tumblr is the faesite. Everybody is super confused and lost, you keep running into random places. Somehow you end up stuck there forever after interacting a couple of times. The people are all strange, everybody simultaneously seems to be from the future and the past as if time is meaningless.

YES

also technology breaks at random, and sometimes you just suddenly feel a thousand years old

#hades out of context

fun fact: The last supper would have been more like this, according to tradition:

so casual i love it

a sleepover with jc and the boys

Paul: Judas truth or dare??

Judas: dare

Paul: okay lmao I dare u to kiss JC

Jesus: ok your turn peter truth or dare

Peter: truth

Jesus: would you ever betray me peter

Peter:

Jesus:

(a few days later)

Peter: *betrays Jesus*

Jesus:

Jesus: *returns*

Peter: “Jesus… you’re back ?”

Jesus:

this post gets more absurd every time it crosses my dash

Another fun fact:

The Last Supper was actually a Passover Seder which means by the time they broke the food out, these guys were likely already drunk out of their minds.

Drunk Jesus: guys take this bread

Drunk Jesus: it’s me

Every time I see this it gets funnier

The Internet seemed to really like the previews I posted of NYC bullying Spider-Man, so here is that episode in its entirety. Enjoy!

LISTEN TO HER ADVICE PETER SHE WORRIES ;-;

“Spidey should drink more respecc women juice”

I can't identify the emotion this woman's commentary is making me feel

olive you can't leave this in the tags

Bards are too powerful. They can learn mass suggestion. All they have to do is yell “Everybody  clap your hands!” and make up to 12 people do the Cha Cha slid for 24 hours 

…. a level 20 bard can force you to do the Cha Cha Slide for a year and a day

@basalt-dnd THE POWER

YEAH

END OF AN ERA…….

@matzahball

For a second I didn’t realize it meant “high” as in a stoner--I thought “High Geologist” was like a rank of geologist or something and he was insulted you would challenge him to naming stones

great poast every one👍

I have drawn him.... The High Geologist

Can’t believe he’s ace

He is now And here’s the photo evidence:

hey guys...https://twitter.com/MatthewLillard/status/1322648148364324864 so does this make it canon?

the high geologist has ascended

every time i see this post it gets.... better? but also weirder.

the ways different languages translate the “Biggus Dickus” scene from The Life of Brian is quite good

okay this reminded me of the strongest human being (I use that label with some reservation) I have ever met and I still think about him like once a week because about 4 years ago on Thanksgiving night my sister, cousin, and I were going to pick up a friend about a 40 minute drive from home, and I got lost and tried to turn around on a little gravel pull-off on the side of the road, but my front tires got stuck in the snow.

we were in the middle of nowhere with no cell reception, and the only sign of life was a single, completely dark house across the road from us.

We all did our best to push the car out, and we’re strong people, but we couldn’t make it budge. Cold and stuck, we climbed back and wondered what to do. A car full of men pulled over beside us and asked if we needed help, but getting out of our locked car on a backroad at night with strange men felt like a bad idea, so we said a tow was coming and waved them along. We did that twice before finally deciding our only option was to accept the next offer for help and just risk it,

when a man came out of the house across the street.

He’d clearly been watching us and figured out why we’d been lying to people, which really surprised me & he said “it’s okay, you can stay in your car and keep the doors locked. Just start backing up when I say so.”

I had the window cracked and told him “it’s too stuck. There’s no way we’re getting out. Could you call a tow?”

And he said “just back up when I say so.”

So he walked around the front of the car, squatted, and said “okay back up,”

and I did, and

he lifted

the front of the car Into The Air. Off its front wheels, and we backed up while he essentially wheel-barrowed us back onto the road.

And we were honest to god yelling. We couldn’t help it. We just yelled until all four wheels were back on the ground and he was waving us off while we thanked him.

And then I looked at my sister and cousin & said “he REALLY told us we can KEEP our doors locked as if THAT WOULD’VE FUCKING STOPPED HIM!!!! As if he couldn’t have just RIPPED EM OFF THE HINGES.”

I later looked up the weight of my car, and it’s 3200 pounds without anything or anyone in it.

This haunts me.

And this is what happens when a masterfully crafted katana collides with a masterfully crafted longsword.

Suck it, katana

And that is what happens when a masterfully crafted scalpel collides with a masterfully crafted guillotine.

Does nobody understand that longswords and katanas are two different kinds of tool?Longswords are essentially sharpened fucksticks designed to destroy the shit out of anything resembling armor that comes their way. They shatter bone, jelly flesh, and essentially fuck people up by sheer inexorable force of being a goddamn sharp steel bar.

Katanas don’t do that.They’re not meant to withstand collision with armor or a brick wall or a charging fully outfitted warhorsebecause the circumstances of its development didn’t call for that. It’s a precision instrument. It’s designed to be lightweight, outmaneuver, and find weak spots, not go barreling into people hack-n-slashing your way to victory. It’s a specialized tool.

In a sense this reflects a core difference between cultures; katanas are a shitton of work and preparation to make the execution as efficient and streamlined as possible, while longswords are more durably and simply made in response to a climate that would require a soldier to be a one-man battering ram in battle.

You slam any blade into any other blade and one of them is at least going to get chipped, because you’re NOT SUPPOSED TO FUCKING DO THAT.

Medieval European / Japanese sword-fighting manuals didn’t have “Now Clang the Swords Together and Totally Ruin Them For No Good Reason Whatsoever” sections. That sword-clanging crap is from movies because you want to show a 2 minute dancey sword-fight and have to do something during that time, because in real sword fights it’s either over in 25 seconds with one guy on the ground, dead, or it goes on for 4 hours as two guys in armor wear themselves out, slamming the broad sides of the sword against the armor.

Swords aren’t lightsabers.

This is like proving a Volkswagen Beetle is a “crap car” by running it into a bridge pylon at 85 mph. It’s a pointless demonstration, because you’re not supposed to do that.

Neither one of these weapons was invented to cut another sword in half, Both were invented to cut a GUY in half. In slightly different ways, but still.

oh my god thank you

on the 5th day of Christmas my true love gave to me five golden rings

on the 6th day of Christmas I realized my true love is Sauron and he does not share power, I think these birds he gave me are spying on me, and he chopped down my pear tree after like the third day??

This reminds me of the best tweet of the holidays: seven swans to rule them all, six geese to find them, five gold rings to bring them all, and in the pear tree bind them

[ID: A tweet from Mark “Sherlock” Hulmes @.sherlock_hulmes that reads: “Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!” There’s a picture attached depicting Mark seated before a decorated holiday tree. Mark is a white man with light brown slicked-back hair, blue eyes and a short, tidy beard, wearing large glasses and a black-and-white High Rollers holiday sweater stylized with patterns of d20s and tomes among snowflakes. He has a blank, semi-bored expression. /end ID]

[ID: A tweet from Matthew Mercer @.matthewmercer in reply to the previous tweet that reads: “Merry and Happy to you as well, buddy!” There’s a picture attached depicting Matt, a white man with long brown hair, blue eyes and a greying beard, recreating the photo posted by Mark. He’s wearing the same sweater and posed identically in front of his own tree. /end ID]

[ID: A tweet from Sam Riegel @.samriegel in reply to the previous two tweets that reads: “I improvised.” There’s a picture attached depicting Sam’s recreation of the above two photos. Sam is a white man with fading dyed-pink hair and dark regrowth, brown eyes and a greying beard. He is posed beside his holiday tree with a blank expression. He is naked, with a black-and-white printout of Mark’s picture taped to his chest. /end ID]

hard right jay

Things that are great about this scene from Letterkenny:

further context for this scene:

I need y’all to know that Jay Baruchel is the voice of Hiccup in How to Train Your Dragon

also adding that the white locals are the “army” beating the shit out of the nazis in slow motion

[audio transcription: bird pushes through the door and begins laughing like a super-villain] 

i’ve watched this 20 times now. each time is better than the last

This guy loves this job!

"can i get a wa-hoo?" is genuinely the funniest thing a person could say in any situation but it is so undeniably powerful coming from a demon with a cheap mustache

i take it back, this is so undeniably powerful im losing my mind

Me: why the fuck is Shakespeare trending in Britain

Britain:

oh this makes WAY more sense now

you wanna know how fucked up elder scrolls is? i’ll tell you how fucked up elder scrolls is. heres how fucking fucked up elder scrolls is

dwarves are taller than humans

Orcs are elves

A regular house cat can give birth to something that can grow into a 10 ft giant cat man with hopes and aspirations.

lizards grow on fUCKIN TREES

kindrama is a the plot of a dlc

orthodox wood elves are the exact antithesis of vegans

there’s a constellation that just wanders around the sky wherever it wants

The moons are actually corpse of god

if you’re arrogant enough you just stop existing

no no no, if you’re arrogant enough you become a god, it’s if you’re not arrogant enough, you stop existing.

And then if you get even more arrogant you can make your own universe, with blackjack, and hookers.

Also, ironically, the Dwarves were arrogant enough to try and build their own robot god, but when they turned it on they all popped out of existence, probably for still not being arrogant enough

the truth is that despite being really technologically advanced, there aren’t a lot of directly featured dwarven writings we as players can read. Bethesda straight up didn’t include many of them even though they should be all over the place in dwarven ruins. Some of their esoteric knowledge is like… hidden in basically USB drives we can’t access or something? That quest in TESV with the ruin of Avanchnzel, etc.

Anyway, a lot of what we ‘know’ about the dwarves (and the cosmological implications of what could have happened to the vanished dwarves), comes to us through the writings of Vivec, a creepy lead writer’s self indulgent OC who helped steal a piece of a dead god. And Vivec has no reason to be factual, or even admit he doesn’t know and is just making convenient shit up, because he’s a bitch who lives for the drama (and also has a nationalist, totalitarian religion about himself and his two friends, and he writes a lot of the propaganda).