In Defense of Nahiri (Part 1)

So, I want to talk about Nahiri – the Lithomancer, the Harbinger, and in many people’s eyes, the vilest character to ever appear in Magic the Gathering’s lore. She’s been called a villain by many, beyond redemption by some, and some fairly horrible epithets by others. But is that fair? I don’t think so. To understand Nahiri, you have to take a holistic look at her story, and acknowledge that it didn’t start with Shadows over Innistrad. Nahiri was part of “The Three”, powerful planeswalkers who, millennia ago, bound the three Eldrazi Titans to the plane of Zendikar. Nahiri was joined by Sorin, Lord of Innistrad and Ugin, the Spirit Dragon. In the beginning of their campaign against the Eldrazi, Nahiri was hopeful, caring, and compassionate. She tried to save the population of the planes they ravaged, but Sorin…being Sorin, mocked her for that and told her, essentially, that these innocents had to be sacrificed as they worked against the titans for the “sake of the Multiverse”. The meeting place for their work was Zendikar, and the story explicitly states that “Sorin hadn’t offered Innistrad as a rendezvous. Probably worried that the monstrosities would follow.” At that time, Nahiri dismissed it as caution due to age and experience. We all know…we all knew, even then, that was a lie. Ugin on the other hand was cold and calculating. Nahiri chastised him for viewing the destruction of an entire plane as a “research project”. Nahiri sought to stop the Eldrazi, Ugin told her they could only be imprisoned (“That which cannot be destroyed must be contained”…apparently Sorin took more than rudimentary Lithomancy away from his time with Ugin and Nahiri) on a plane that would then be sacrificed. Conveniently, this decision was made on Zendikar, a plane that also conveniently met all of Ugin’s arbitrary requirements for a plane to bind the Eldrazi to. You’ll also note that both Sorin and Ugin got away with simply dismissing Innistrad and Tarkir as suitable for their needs…they also knew each other, and Ugin states that he “needs” Nahiri’s skills. Basically, Nahiri was bullied into allowing Ugin to use Zendikar for his “research project” and that she was “allowed” to help, essentially as a tool. And with the statement that Ugin’s plan was “very thorough”, one has to wonder how much of this “plan” was concocted on Zendikar at that moment and how much of it was formulated by Sorin and Ugin behind Nahiri’s back. Then let’s flash forward to the first time the Eldrazi broke free…when only Nahiri was able to stop the broods that ravaged Zendikar. The disruption of the Hedron network was caused by vampires – a race which Nahiri recognized (after all, she spent a long time with Sorin), but noted that they weren’t native to Zendikar. So how did they get there? Again, the story doesn’t explicitly state anything, but what we do know is that Sorin, a vampire, had been on Zendikar back when they worked to contain the Eldrazi. Vampire Planeswalker visits a plane without vampires, then all of a sudden, there are vampires on that plane. But as that’s subjection, I digress…Nahiri single-handedly repels the Eldrazi, and then goes in search of Sorin – NOT to chastise him for not answering her call for help, but because he’s her friend, and she cares for him. At this point, most people know the rest of the story, as it’s fresh in their minds. Did Nahiri overreact to Sorin’s dismissal of her concerns? Maybe…MAYBE. To you and me, sure, it may seem like an overreaction, but we’re normal, mortal people. We fight with our friends with words and fists and blow up over small grievances that sometimes end those friendships. We are not imbued with God-like powers, so saying with certainty that someone who is “overreacted” isn’t objective. Nahiri reacted in anger, and lashed out with the tools at her disposal. And Sorin responded in kind. Even when Avacyn joined the battle, even when Nahiri was outnumbered and subdued, Sorin kept fighting. He man-splained his excuses to her, never once stopping to apologize – sincerely apologize for creating not one, but two tools to safeguard his plane against threats like the ones he asked her to sacrifice hers to that he knew (or suspected) would block her calls for help. “Nahiri, please, stop. I’m sorry, I truly am. It’s been millennia. After all this time, I thought it was safe. I waited six thousand years to create these barriers…perhaps I should have waited six thousand more.” He could have been lying through his pointy teeth, but at least he would have tried. Instead, he battled her, insulted her, and belittled her…all before imprisoning her. And to say Sorin imprisoned Nahiri for 1000 years is also a lie. He imprisoned her indefinitely and eternally. Her sentence was accidentally commuted due to the actions of Liliana Vess (more on her in part 2). Sorin shoved her away into the Helavault and walked away. Did he ever think of Nahiri until Thalia destroyed the Helavault and Sorin realized “Huh, I may have to deal with that past little oopsie?” Who knows… But regardless, for 1000 years, Nahiri had no distractions from her anger. Even if she had been able to momentarily play little games inside her head, every time she came back to ‘reality’ she was faced with the fact that she had no body, had no hands, no ground beneath her feet, so air to breath in or sun to warm her face, all because Sorin locked her away in an other-dimensional prison. Anger grows because it has time to fester…people let go of grudges because their lives move on. Sorin left Nahiri with an eternity of the former, and none of the latter. And before anyone comes back with “yeah, but…”, remember why the Helavault was created: to contain threats to INNISTRAD and/or its populace that could not otherwise be destroyed. Even if you see her actions as overreactions, never once did Nahiri threaten Innistrad or its people…only Sorin, who decided that she deserved a fate worse than death for being angry at him. So, to wrap this up, let’s recap: • Nahiri was bullied into sacrificing Zendikar • Nahiri was treated as nothing more than a tool in Ugin’s plan • Nahiri was abandoned • Zendikar was threatened due to the mysterious emergence of a race that was not native to the plane • Nahiri was ignored • Nahiri was concerned for her friend • Nahiri was met with indifference and dismissal • Nahiri was chastised, man-splained to, and belittled • Nahiri was given an eternal sentence for not bowing down and kissing Sorin’s feet • Nahiri had a full thousand years with only her own mind and anger to keep her company I feel like that’s a good start. Part two is going to tackle the claims that Nahiri is “nonredeemable” by looking at some of the absolutely terrible Magic characters that are now embraced by players and fans. @wizardsmagic

Rey...who? My theory on the new Star Wars hero's lineage

Ever since The Force Awakened opened, and people discovered that the desert scavenger named “Rey” was the heir-apparent to the hero mantle of the Star Wars saga, questions have been asked and theories have been posed about her lineage. I’ve seen people speculate that she’s everything from Han and Leia’s daughter to Obi-Wan’s daughter, to a reincarnated Anakin Skywalker…so, because it’s 2016 and everyone with an internet connection gets to share their ideas, here’s mine…I’m sure it’s not exclusively mine, but I did at least come up with the idea myself, so I’ll share the ‘credit’ with anyone else who has the same idea. So, let’s start with what we know (or, at least, what we’re told): • Rey was abandoned on Jakku at a young age (she appears to be between 5-7 years old in her vision at Maz’s castle). • Rey is waiting for “her family” • Rey has an accent, not heard in the movies outside of people who live within the Core Worlds • Luke Skywalker ‘vanished’ after one of his pupils turned against him and slaughtered his trainees • Leia gave her son Ben to Luke to train at an age where the “Vader in him” was evident to both her and Han • There is a group called “The Knights of Ren” • Kylo Ren has not yet completed his training under Supreme Leader Snoke • Rey is 19 years old…this last piece of information comes from the Star Wars: The Force Awakens visual dictionary. It’s an official publication, but this piece of information is unofficially official at best, meaning that it could be useful or it could be meaningless, and it could be changed at any time in the canon of the films • All of this takes place approximately 30 years after the events of Return of the Jedi. Now, we’re lead to believe that Ben Solo (now Kylo Ren) is the Jedi who slaughtered Luke’s students. That being said, we have no reason at all to believe that, other than we see the Knights of Ren in Rey’s vision and that Leia and Han both know that Ben Solo is now Kylo Ren (and serving Snoke). Some of this important, some of it is not. I’m laying this all out so we can see, really, how little we all truly know at this point. If Rey’s age, at 19, is accurate, and her appearance in the flashback is indicative of her real age (5-7 years old), that means she was abandoned on Jakku (by someone) in the ‘care’ of Unkar Plutt somewhere between 13-15 years prior to the movie. Whoever left her there is probably key to her lineage, and thinking about that is key to my theory. Would a parent, a loving, concerned parent, have left her on a strange world, in the care of a ruthless junk dealer? When Luke was left on Tatooine as an infant, it was in the care of his “Aunt and Uncle”, a family who looked after Luke as their own. He had a hard life, but he was hardly left to live in a desert in an abandoned AT-AT and forced to scavenge junk to trade for food. It really would change the way we, as fans, perceive Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa, and/or Han Solo if they did that to a loved one. Even if you operate under the assumption that whoever left Rey on Jakku did so because they wanted to get her as far away from The Force as possible, if you’re looking at Luke, Leia, or Han, there are definitely other options that Plutt. Luke has friends left, presumably, on Tatooine (Camie and Fixer),of Leia could have persuaded a retired Alliance member to hide away with Rey…hell, Lor San Tekka, an ally of the Resistance and the guy who had the missing piece to the map to Luke Skywalker was on Jakku. If Luke was going to trust someone with that information, wouldn’t he at least have had him caring for Rey? But no, we see her left with Unkar Plutt. Now, let’s remember her accent. The accent (British in the real world), is indicative of the Core Worlds. In the Original Trilogy, we hear it in the voices of the Imperials (and Leia, but remember, in A New Hope, Leia lived within the Empire, and was a member of the Imperial Senate)…and Ben Kenobi. In the prequel trilogy, the accent is everywhere, from Sio Bibble to Queen Amidala to Obi Wan Kenobi to the Clone Army. Obi Wan never lost his accent, despite living in seclusion on Tatooine for nearly 20 years. It just sticks around…but not with Leia (who ditched it). Likewise, Han never had the accent, neither did Luke…so where would Rey have picked it up? For now, let’s assume that Ben/Kylo was the Jedi who betrayed Luke and slaughtered his students and that is him in Rey’s vision. If that happened in tandem with Rey being left behind on Jakku (and the “she’s Luke/Leia and Han’s” theory needs for this to be true), that means that act happened 13-15 years prior to The Force Awakens. That means as well that Luke was missing for 15 years (but still on the same planet that the map led to), Ren had been under Snoke’s tutelage for 15 years (but still hadn’t completed his training in the Dark Side), and Leia had only managed to cobble together a piss poor ragtag resistance in 15 years…which is also how long it took her to find Lor San Tekka. With the destruction of the Hosnian system by Starkiller Base being the first open act of aggression by The First Order on the Republic, I think we can all agree that timeline doesn’t fit. So why was Rey, who has the accent of The Core Worlds, left on Jakku under the care of Unkar Plutt so long ago? Because she’s not a Solo, not an Organa, not a Skywalker…she’s not even a Kenobi. She’s a Palpatine. She’s obviously not his daughter, as Emperor Palpatine was dead 11 years prior to her birth (if the 19 years is accurate)…but she could be his granddaughter or even great-granddaughter. Kylo Ren reacted poorly to the news of “a girl” helping BB-8 escape Jakku, he was somewhat gentle to her during her interrogation (going so far as to take off his mask and talk to her like a real person), and Snoke wanted her brought to him. It’s my theory that The First Order knew of her existence, but not her whereabouts. The dumping of young Rey on Jakku seems comparable to an act of desperation; committed by someone on the run…could it be that her parents figured out that their daughter was as powerful in the Force as their ancestor had been? Was Snoke after her? Was she, and not Ben, supposed to be his apprentice? If so, and her parents were happy to be liberated from the Empire’s rule, it would make sense. A life as a scavenger would be better than a life as the next Darth Vader. It would explain her accent, and the casting of Daisy Ridely (seriously, how much did she remind you of Kiera Knightley, who played a citizen of Naboo in The Phantom Menace?!). It would also explain her fighting style, once she ignited Anakin’s saber. If you watch her duel with Kylo Ren, her saber fighting is highly reminiscent of Palpatine’s in Revenge of the Sith; she fights with the same “stab and swing” style, unlike any other lightsaber user in six movies. Is that maybe because that’s how she fights with her staff, and she’s using the same technique? Sure, but that’s still how she fights with her staff, and it’s far from the only way to use a weapon like that. So why would Anakin’s saber call to her? It never called to Luke…Luke had no idea it was in a box next to him until Obi-Wan pulled it out and gave it to him (the real reason, of course, being that Lucas never had the idea) – it’s because what was hinted (and adopted by fans) in Revenge of the Sith is true: Palpatine was Anakin’s ‘father’; using the force to create life. Rey is a Palpatine, but she’s also a Skywalker; the lineage just branched off at some point, due to the unforeseen relationship between Anakin and Padme. Hell, maybe Palpatine created multiple “children” across the galaxy, but just abandoned the others once Anakin surfaced and came to his attention. If this “sequel” trilogy is really the “Final” act of the Star Wars saga, then there would be a certain synchronicity to Rey being both a Palpatine and a Hero. Whether you like it or not, Palpatine was the last democratically elected leader of the Old Republic and the Emperor of the Galactic Empire. Rey being his descendant would make her not only the first of a new order of Jedi, but it would also make her the legitimate heir to The First Order’s Imperial remnant. Think of her as the Star Wars Daenerys Targaryen, only with the Force instead of dragons. She’d also serve as the link between the New Republic (NEW New Republic now?) and The First Order, helping to finally bring peace to the Galaxy. So, am I crazy, or am I right? I guess we’ll find out somewhere between 16 and 28 months from now.

#WheresRey? The answer might surprise you...

Star Wars: The Force Awakened in full swing...you may have noticed. Merchandise for the new movie encompasses everything from CoffeeMate creamer to beer tumblers, and, of course, action figures. As more and more additions to the Hasbro line-up of Force Unleashed figures leak onto the Internet (because Hasbro is simply horrible in letting us know what's coming...or in some cases, already out), I've become more and more frustrated by what I see as two glaring omissions: General Leia Organa and the pirate, Maz Kanata. Since it's 2015/16 and I live in the age of Internet-validation, I headed over to Twitter to see if #WheresLeia had made a comeback, and if #WheresMaz had started. The answer to both my questions was "yes"...but surprisingly (to me), both those hashtags seemed to exist only as stingers to the abundance of people asking #WheresRey? "Why is that 'surprising'?" you may ask...after all, as those of you who have seen the film know, Rey is the main character; the new Luke/Anakin Skywalker analogy, who should be well represented in the movie's merchandising. It's surprising, because Rey IS well represented. While I wont argue that she couldn't (or shouldn't) be BETTER represented (more on that later), the origin of the outrage over the "lack" of Rey merchandise seems to stem from one poorly researched post on the website TheMarySue, focusing on a large-size action figure gift set, exclusive to Target stores. Just as a primer, let me rattle off the various instances where Rey is 'available' in plastic form for you to play with and/or display on your desk or shelf: 1.) Rey (Starkiller Base) - part of Hasbro's mass-market 3.75" action figure line 2.) Rey (Jakku) with BB-8 - part of Hasbro's mass-market 6" 'Black Series' action figure line 3.) Rey - a version with the shroud and goggles, packed in with the "Rey's Speeder" toy - part of Hasbro's mass-market 3.75" action figure line. 4.) Rey - Funko POP! Bobble-head 5.) Rey with speeder - part of Hasbro's Titanium line of die-cast vehicles. But wait...there's more, I'm just pausing here to point out that all of the above options were released on "Force Friday", the same day any and everything related to "The Force Awakens" hit retail stores. Additionally, you can find: 6.) Rey (Jakku) with BB-8 - elite series die-cast action figure (Disney Store exclusive) 7.) a second Funko POP! Rey figure, this version with her headwrap on. 8.) there is a 3.5" Rey PVC character in both versions of the Disney Store figurine gift sets (same figure, just in two different sets) 9.) A Rey Disney Infinity figure (part of a two-pack with Finn) 10.) Rey (Jakku) - Walmart exclusive 3.75" black series action figure (comes with swappable heads even! Both masked and unmasked!) 11.) a SECOND Elite Series 6" Disney Store exclusive (same figure, but with an added 'spoiler' accessory...it's Anakin's Lightsaber) And waiting in the wings (meaning in retail distribution centers): 12.) Rey (Resistance Outfit) - part of Hasbro's mass-market 3.75" action figure line 13.) A 12 inch "hero series" figure, that fits in with the size and scale of the aforementioned Target exclusive pack. So, essentially, if you want a plastic Rey to (dis)play (with), she is represented at every size, scale, and price-point from $6 to $30, RIGHT NOW at retail. So why can't you find her? Well let's address the "Disney rep" or whoever it is that people are quoting as saying her action figure is shipping at a ratio of 1:24 "with the male figures". That number is true, but bullshit at the same time. It applies only to the "mass market" 3.75" scale action figure line, which is broken into two assortments (or SKUs): Jungle/Desert and Snow/Space (the current Rey figure is part of the latter, the forthcoming "Resistance Outfit" figure is in the former). Each of those assortments ship in cases of 12, so if you order one of each, you're getting 24 figures. Rey represents one of those 24 figures. BUT, with the exception of Kylo Ren, all of those figures ship at one per-case. Kylo ships two per case. So while Rey is 1:24, so are Finn, Poe, Phasma, General Hux, and everyone else. In the case of the 6" scale, Rey is 1:6...for the same reason (although in this scale, everyone is 1:1...there's no double packing). The Walmart exclusive 3.75" figure ships two Reys per case, but I'm not sure what the entire breakdown is there. So why can't you find her? Honestly, in this particular instance (because I'm right there with you all with #wheresLeia, #wheresMaz, #wheresGamora, Nebula, Natasha, Hera, etc...), it's because the movie is INSANELY popular, stores dropped the ball (somewhat understandable given how burned they've been by the lackluster reception to previous Star Wars movies versus how heavily they stocked product), and we're just now coming out of the largest toy buying season of the year. Seriously, ask yourself this: am I finding Kylo Ren at retail? Am I seeing tons of Poe Damerons out there? What about Stormtroopers or Captain Phasma? If your stores are anything like mine, the answer is "no" across the board. What you are finding are characters like Ello Asty, General Hux, Constable Zuvio, and the Guavian Enforcer, which are never going to be anyone's "must buys". You may also be seeing a glut of Finns...but that isn't because Hasbro is forcing a dude down your throat at the expense of the true heroine. There's some weird racial thing going on there, which dates back to Lando figures not selling for shit either (hopefully, his next offering - in his Stormtrooper armor, will sell better). So #WheresRey? The sad answer is: in someone else's collection. Action figures might be for kids, but with Star Wars, you're competing with a large number of ravenous, legacy collectors. At the Christmas season though, the legacy collectors are competing with causal buyers and moms and grandmothers, and everyone buying toys for everyone else. Should Rey be shipping in higher quantities? Well, given that her 3.75" mass-market figure is selling on eBay for 3x the retail price and people are asking #wheresRey: probably. We saw retailers demand full case packs of Darth Maul back in 1999 when The Phantom Menace toys hit and Maul couldn't stay in stock (we then saw Maul languish on store shelves and eventually clearance out for pennies on the dollar...), but those decisions aren't made at the store level (seriously, regardless of how helpful the clerk stocking shelves at Walmart or Target seem to be, they have NO power or insight into what will or won't be on their store shelves). And given the fact that the movie is out, spoilers are now "common knowledge", and everyone knows who and what Rey is with regard to her importance to the story, the answer is "absolutely", she should be shipping in higher quantities. Her Resistance outfit figure should be shipping alongside her Starkiller Base figure (and not supplanting it). But...and if you're reading this and you're a new fan/casual buyer who just really wants a Rey figure, I apologize, because you're not going to like this answer: you're going to need to exercise patience or hunt as obsessively as the Legacy collectors do. You have to make a point to FIND a Rey figure. That's what they (and I used to be a fervent member of that 'they') do. I spent many a late night at Walmart back in the mid 2000s hunting the newest and latest Revenge of the Sith figures. Check Amazon, HasbroToyShop, or e-tailers like BigBadToyShop or Entertainment Earth. Or, again, just be patient. Christmas is over and toy shelves are filling back up. What was Rey-less today may be Rey-full tomorrow. Meanwhile, there's still no General Leia or Maz Kanata figure announced or rumored...