Here I was with hope we would rekindle our love but instead it’s the complete opposite. I feel like a fool with your kiss but the look in your eyes still spoke love to me. I am vastly disappointed: I cut the other ones out thinking crazy. Here you are completely fine with rescheduling 3 times in a row cause you forgot you made other plans. It is what it is but I won’t play your game anymore. As hurt as I am..I should’ve never gave it hope…you couldn’t hold it down through thick and thin…I don’t want you when I am doing Better cause I was doing good but ultimately I chose you over everything and that was my downfall which was giving you too much of me when you didn’t deserve it. I expected this return with positive changes but it has nothing to do with that. For that I a disappointed. Disappointed in myself. I love you a ton and I am a fool for you. 😞

I feel like talking to some relatives in LV and move over there. I need a restart. I don’t feel good being here anymore, and unfortunately some of it has to do with my safety, and bad habits of mine. I need to get away from here. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I’ll never change if I stay here.

If a person switches up on you when there’s another friend of theirs around then there is reevaluating to do. People like to be cheered on but don’t like to see others grow. Others would prefer to see others downfall. Snarky remarks, shady actions. And all I wish for them is to grow, to better themselves. I ask myself to god, is this a perilous path that I am taking? Am I far too kind? What do I do? I ask for help because the pain I feel inside is tearing me apart. I feel like falling and breaking down. I hold my emotions in to be strong but I must admit that I need therapy, self help. I have highs and lows which I never speak of. I try my best to be there for others but others always give me their back. I have no friends and all I ask for is guidance from the universe. I’ve fought many battles and I have buried myself in a ditch and have came out many times. Self destructive behavior; I hate this pattern. It’s been long overdue, this change, I can no longer be this person. I am not happy and I must put myself forward. I am no longer going to be who I was. I can not be who I was. The time is now or never. Quit holding yourself back.

I guess the thing was that I waited 4 yrs to get back to dating and my effort wasn’t reciprocated. In the end, I was treated like trash and I took it all, full of disappointment and instead of correcting it you just gave up. True love doesn’t give up and I was willing to work it all out. It’s been 3 months and here I am still waiting for you to come back. I’m such a hopeless person. I’m sorry for saying fuck you I was just truly hurt. I wish you stayed as a friend but I messed that up saying fuck you. That fuck you was out of anger. You were real and in a friend that’s what I look for. You were funny af and a great time to be with. Today I’ll put everything away of ours. Today I’ll say goodbye. I love you and thank you for everything.

A blue moon and jack and coke just waiting on my Philly cheese steak 🥹

Last yr, I was at 225 - 230 lbs today I weighed myself and I’m at 190. Bad eating habits and hardly exercising really did a number on me.

2023 let’s get this year going to improve every aspect in my life 🫡

I’ll always give my full trust but once I lose trust, it takes me a good while to trust again. I don’t turn a blind eye to things but I bet I’m annoying af and for that I’m sorry. Growth is all I want and I’m sorry that I’m difficult. You’re getting tired and I’m growing distant for the things you say makes it seem that at time I am doing too much. I really want the best and what to make up for how I been but I keep pushing us back.

Reassurance

Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re too much. Affection/attention if they feel like you gotta back off a bit then in reality is it really worth it? Find someone who truly appreciates all of you not just some of you or only when they want it. That’s unfair and mean/rude.