Hello!

My favorite part of The Barbie Movie is when she said "its Barbin' time" and then she Barbed all over those guys

got held up on the way to work today because there was a big snake trying to sun herself on the highway right on the way out of town & the lady in the grey subaru in front of me put her warning lights on & got out to try & shoo her into the grassy sunny verge on the other roadside. & it was afternoon and busy but the logging trucks stopped & waited & the family cars stopped & waited & the long haul truckers stopped & waited for that snake to cross the road. nobody so much as honked. & when the snake was safe the road was backed up in both directions but a fellow in a pickup truck waved at me to go ahead (i was waiting to turn right onto the highway) even though he could have made me wait until the whole long line of cars passed. what i am trying to say is: there is still love in this world. what i am trying to say is: happy pride to me & to that big old bull snake who will live to see another sunrise & to every person on that highway who decided that saving her was worth five minutes of delay

girl jacking off is called jilling off. well what about nonbinary. you have to joey that shit bitch!!!!!!

every microorganism in your body is working together to animate you. what a blessing it is to be beloved.

Still laughing at Brian May offhandedly writing the greatest understatement in the history of academia in his astrophysics doctoral dissertation:

Ah, yes - “various pressures.” Like being one of the greatest guitarists ever and playing/writing/singing for the most legendary rock band of all time.

Those various pressures.

VARIOUS PRESSURES

PUSHING DOWN ON ME

PRESSING DOWN ON YOU

NO MAN ASK FOR

I was raised agnostic and tend to remain ambiguous on theological matters.

-but my house has a porch on the second story that affords me a terrific view of my neighborhood and the Colorado Front Range and I was partaking of some peace before the 4th Of July Finger-Loss Festivities begin, and I have had a

I just watched my neighbor try to unload an actual wooden pallet that had to have been forklifted into the back of his insecurity pickup worth of fireworks.

Except that he does not have a forklift in his garage.

He does have so much sports memorabilia and cardboard boxes of unsold MLM Merchandise and patriotically themed camping gear and posters of women in bikinis and flags of suspect political organizations in his garage that there is only BARELY enough space for the fireworks and certainly none for his truck.

So he had to unload the individual boxes of recreational explosives from the back of his truck and stack them in the minimal space he had cleared by hand. This is a tedious and time-consuming process as this neighbor has purchased a wide variety of recreational and locally illegal explosives instead of many of just a few types, so the individual boxes are rather small.

He begins, and this is crucial to what happens next, by cutting apart the industrial-grade saran wrap his explosives dealer had so carefully wrapped his merchandise in, and discarded it unsecured on his lawn.

Where Outdoor Conditions sometimes happen.

Yet another epic from @gallusrostromegalus

okay now i can kind of understand why people were freaking out about that train motion picture in like the late 1800s

When a character’s death is so traumatic you just sit there like

Your impact on other people is bigger than you think. Someone still giggles when they think of that funny thing you said. Someone still smiles when they think of the compliment you gave them. Someone silently admires you. The advice you give has made a difference for people. The support and love you’ve offered others has made someone’s day. Your input and opinions have made someone think twice. You’re not insignificant and forgotten. Your existence makes a positive difference, whether you see it or not.

The hopeless romantic urge to look at the moon and stars, forever.

Love video games with endings that make you feel like your brain’s gotten permanently rewired in some sort of way

This is terrible but today when I was playing volleyball outside with some friends one of their children (18 months) was sort of ambling around on his stumpy little toddler legs and so we were all trying to be careful and like not spike the ball onto the baby but then he wandered over to his father, who picked him up bc dad reflexes, and then the ball got passed over to the dad and he sort of had a no thoughts moment and instinctively used his child to smack the volleyball over to the next person. Like he just swung the kid and used his legs like a baseball bat. I’m never going to forget his face of premature regret mid baby-manuever right when he realized what he was doing AND the instant he realized his wife saw it happen. Anyway the baby was fine he didn’t make contact with the ball all that hard and he was just mad his dad wouldn’t use him as a club again but I had to sit down because I laughed so hard I cried.

I had a flat-earther science teacher who brought in Ellen to prove potato starch wasn't carbon based by putting an apple into a beaker full of Coca Cola.

thinking about trying to preserve historical accuracy in fantasy and how it's often so well...completely unfounded. when you start to actually study history you realize it's so much more bizarre than expected. it's like the tiffany problem. or things that are true but sound laughably false like the fact that lighters were invented before matches or that knitting machines were invented 1500s while sewing machines weren't invented until the 1800s. or that france guillotined somebody the same year star wars was released. uhhhh point is you can tie yourself into knots trying to "preserve" historical accuracy in your fantasy world but you might just end up writing something that's factual (or factual considering you have dragons) but is less believable to the modern reader than said dragons. screw it, put potatoes in your vaguely-European setting.

Hey OP? What the FUCK does this mean?

decay exists as an extant form of life

That’s a terrifying answer, have a nice day

the mushroom got OP

That's very cool, but to help raven quill and willow wand out here, which of your books would you want to read the most if it wasn't yours?

The Neil Gaiman Reader. It's 700 pages of fiction.

In the mid-2000s there was a brief fad in Australian government messaging where they went out of their way to insult the public as much as possible.

This fad eventually died out after the tourism board attempted the same style of messaging in the UK, causing a minor scandal which led to the head of Tourism Australia, Scott Morrison, getting the sack.

The first time we drove past the “don’t drive like a cock” sign, my mum looked at it was immediately SO confused - after all she’s a good semi-conservative Christian woman. My brother and I knew it right away but for the next half hour she guessed literally EVERY other word for cock (don’t drive like a rooster, chicken, hen, chick, bird, fowl, poultry) trying her goddamned hardest to make the sign make sense until my - at the time - eleven year old brother got fed up and yelled COCK at the top of his lungs from the back seat.

My mum was FURIOUS - we weren’t even allowed to say “heck” - until she realised he’d just been telling her what the sign was, and for the rest of the three hour trip our good semi-conservative Christian mother proceeded to amuse herself by muttering “cock” under her breath and giggling like a teenager every time she did.

We still bring it up every now and then. So that particular advertising campaign has been making my family laugh for over a decade.

This one was always my favourite, though:

Reblogging to make sure this excellent story is seen