i forgot the furnace guy was coming today. right. so i answer the door and im in my dino pajamas right out of bed and when hes working on the furnace he fucking. he cuts his finger on the furnace. so i take him into the bathroom to do some first aid bc its looking pretty bad and i forgot about the fucking. shadow the hedgehog nice cock sign on my wall. so im standing there. cringing out of my mind. what an impression. youre maintenancing someones furnace qnd you hurt your finger and this person is very adamant about first aid protocol and you walk into their bathroom and just see this shit. what the fuck
and i just waste it; this life of mine. hand over hand. the days slip in between each other and nestle in ugly spurs. what did you do today? how many hours have i spent, neither truly here nor truly there. just frozen. wanting desperately to begin anything. get up and shower or work out or drink water or make a change or dance along or be a person - just get up. my insides, coating the edges of blank atrophy. how hard can it truly be? people do this every day. they make their life every day. why can't i? why am i stuck here? why am i stuck like this, with only my heart and no boat? the shifting warning - you need to start swimming, you can't always just float. but what else, when my limbs don't move and there's no sound for the breach of my throat? what else, and where am i going? what shore am i supposed to even be wading out for? nothing and nothing and nothing. the swinging, empty bridge, and no railing.
