Randomness Incarnate

Player: DM, what are you googling?

DM: how big are bear dicks!

The age old question finally answered.

x

This is the second time someone makes a dragon that starts with a dick shape

Perfume descriptions are so weird. What the hell is "an ironic blast of popcorn"?

It sounds like a spell that only teenage movie theater employees can cast.

Wizard council 2022 banned spell list:

Here’s SWEETROCK, the 24 hour comic I drew this year!

this is exactly what shakespear envisioned when writing macbeth

humans are so easy to trick

It’s not MY fault they’re so easy to whack with a comically large angst hammer

Not your typical coat color in a cat

I think it's probably actually an orange kitten with a very 'sooty' cast to it.

Better lighting and he looks even weirder. What even is this color, sir?

... this is now stuck in my head on repeat, so it wins

Reblog to kill a British person instantly

airline customer service: hello this is SAS how can i help me: ok so i booked a flight with you just now and i’d like to reserve a space for my pet in the cargo hold, i’m bringing a cockatiel SAS: (audibly worried) uh… uhm… i’m not sure we can… transport that kind of um… pet? me: oh, huh? i did ring to check before i booked and the guy on the phone said it’d be fine? SAS: (”dealing with unhinged customers” voice) uh. ok. well, i guess i can try to check… just give me some cage dimensions. how big is its cage me: well i got him a teeny tiny travel cage, so… 50x30x30, at most SAS: centimeters?? me: yeah? is there a problem? SAS: can you tell me exactly how big is this crocodile??? me: COCKATIEL SAS: …OH

I’m dying.

I hate it when I talk wistfully about the ancient world and then people are like “you wouldn’t survive back then” yeah obviously I would die immediately but do you think achilles would be able to survive in the modern world if he had to send one polite email? no

congrats to these people on being funnier than me on my own fucking post

Bard: “I whisper to Merle [the giant goat] to go into stealth mode”

Dm: *slams table*

Bard: shit, that’s a 1 isn’t it

Dm: wrong. It’s a nat 20. The goat turns invisible

WHY IS THERE A LEGO AXE ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR

To protect you from the lego monsters

me checking the bottoms of very expensive ceramic plant pots for drainage

Sigourney Weaver to a bunch of children in the desert

dropped my rabbit and their head broke off :(

chocolate rabbit. chocolate. rabbit. edible chocolate easter rabbit. chocolate. not real. not furry rabbit. chocolate. the chocolate head of the chocolate bunny broke off. all chocolate. no living creature

these are alive they have souls

i had to draw. the guys.