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Just A Glimpse Into My Mind

@refalthefairest

19 ☆ entp ☆ aspiring scientist ☆ PharmD student ☆ polyglot-in-the-making ☆ artist-ish ☆ always up for making new friends
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Btw if u learn to love insects & spiders & etc then you will have more chances to feel less lonely. You can look at the drain flies in you bathroom or the spiderweb by your counter and know that there is something little and divine there. That u are sharing ur space, witnessing and being witnessed without judgement. When u pay attention to the little crawling guys you have more chances to be kind and that ALWAYS makes me feel better

the cognitive dissonance from people who want the products of modern medicine but get weird about animal research. like im sorry but this is necessary for the survival of the society we currently live in. and the scientists who work on these things are not evil cackling psychopaths. anyone you talk to in animal research has incredibly complex feelings about their work and incredibly complex relationships to the animals in their care. there are regulations and oversight and penalties in place to make the work as humane as possible and scientists are overwhelmingly the ones enforcing and advocating for better care.

in case anyone else needs to hear this it’s ok to be more serious. i don’t just mean ‘it’s ok to be serious sometimes’ i mean in general. not everyone has to be funny. it doesn’t have to mean you’re sad or unlikeable. you can just be serious and genuine most of the time and that’s great. i personally think that we’re too focused on ‘funny’ as the primary carrier of likeability right now. i often feel starved for serious conversation, for serious spaces, for a feeling of gravity. you don’t have make good jokes to give people a good time. i say, goof only as the spirit moves you, & don’t worry about it. 

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It’s weird to think that some people aren’t daydreaming 24/7 and creating all kinds of stories and worlds in their heads. Do you mean that when you’re listening to music or walking somewhere your mind is just blank? Sounds weird.

chaotic academia things that don't promote unhealthy habits

or,, things I do on a regular basis

• knowing all about different types of coffee; undertones and flavors, light and dark, how to brew them to achieve the perfect taste

• listening to music more often than not, knowing specific songs for specific moments that make you feel like you're in a great movie scene

• binging tv shows and movie series on your days off

• getting up and writing when you get that one scene in your head for your work in progress and knowing you'll forget it if you just go to bed; answering that call

• CONSUMING 5 BOOKS A WEEK LIKE A KID AGAIN

• reading all literature; good, bad, controversial, light, dark, not your genre, your favorite childhood book, etc.,,,

• gifted kid burnout....

• you either are illiterate or read moby dick in sixth grade as a joke and unironically enjoyed it

• venting on a suspiciously specific and niche discord at 4:00 am

• putting on your fanciest clothes at night when no one is awake and playing Tchaikovsky and dancing with simple ballet moves that you learned off youtube because you can't really do ballet but it's a dream of yours

• playing meme songs on a classical instrument

• you're probably on twitter idk

• mismatched socks, or those weird yoda socks your mom got you for christmas

• going on bike rides around your neighborhood when it's quiet

• getting your sweaters off of ebay

• laying in the first snow of the year, making snow angels

• planning your own murder, planning other people's murders, planning your lego murders or your sim murders or your stuffed animal murders, planning all the murders

• having a stuffed animal :)

• naming all the inanimate objects in your room, bonus points if they're literary references to your favorite books

• being really proud of that one essay you wrote in middle school that you got an A on and your teacher asked to use as an example and really you haven't written anything that good since; maybe it was your magnum opus

• hyperfixiating on any little thing. neutral, could be good or bad, borderline an obsession

• searching up corsets even though you're never going to buy one (just me? okay)

• learning the scientific names of birds

• making an impulsive buy and never using the item even though you thought you would

• reading all the books one author has written. multiple times over. an acheivement in itself

• making a fort and watching your comfort movie in it

• candles

• pirates

• starting to decorate your room purely based off of one aesthetic, realizing it's not for you, then adapting that aesthetic and making your room your own. books lined up against walls, a hello kitty plushy in the corner, a pink floyd poster on the wall, 3 pairs of vans in your closet, every single book published by wheelock's latin, it might not be dark academic but you sure call it that

• notes!! in!!! books!!!!!

• pressing flowers in your dictionary, forgetting about them, opening it up four months later and being pleasently surprised

• not smoking at all unless you know the risks idk

• naming your dog after oscar wilde but no one in your family knows (ah, also me)

• being able to stand at your bookshelf for hours and explain what each book means to you, because they all mean something, but you haven't found someone yet who will listen, so you stand alone and voice your thoughts to an empty room

• forgetting to water your plants

• rearranging your bookshelf every week

• using your academy access to articles to fuel your latest random obsession

• don't lie, you've only read one shakespeare play but you talk about him like he's your favorite author in the world and maybe he is and that's okay (er... also me)

• finding that one author that's a little bit unheard of or forgotten and them becoming your favorite author and you don't know who to share your excitement with

allowing yourself more freedom than a traditional aesthetic permits. making it your own personal version, romanticizing your life and striving for more. accepting the messy parts of you and trying to change the darkness

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i used to think the brain was the most important part of the body. then I thought, look who’s telling me that…

In the human body, there are SEVEN WOEFUL PRINCES that suffer under the harsh lash of REALITY-CONQUERING TYRANT CEREBELLUM. Their names are thus:

ARTERY-AND-VEIN MENDICANT: The prince who sits at the center of an endless ocean of blood, stirring the systolic and diastolic tides with his jade-lacquered oar. It is said that in ancient times, he sat the throne of selfdom, but was usurped. It wouldn’t be very mendicantly of him to pursue a devil’s urge to vengeance and retribution, but even the greatest saints can have slight flaws in their character.

BRAZEN LIVER CHAMPION: Only the strongest may survive in the terrifying princedom of the BRAZEN LIVER CHAMPION, a behemoth warrior clad head-to-toe in superheavy membraneous armor. He seeks to build up an army of deadly toxins and warrior-cells with which to overthrow the reign of REALITY-CONQUERING TYRANT CEREBELLUM, wresting the throne away for himself.

CANDLEMAKER: She who keeps the lipids of the body in her magical jar, and fashions fat into candles that burn with all the energy stored within it. She keeps no royal domain, but has declared the Cellular Republic of the Tissues, a neutral ground of function anarchy where princeless organelles or exiled traitors may make their homes. Still, she schemes for the throne of selfhood, for she dreams of transforming the body into an existence of pure energy.

DEVILISH APPENDIX LORD: Of the SEVEN WOEFUL PRINCES, the DEVILISH APPENDIX LORD is the most woeful by far. They exist as nullity, a collection of emergent processes of the void that have concatenated into a capacity for experiencing reality. Every day, the DEVILISH APPENDIX LORD must choose between continuing the endless torments of existence, or returning to their kingdoms of nothingness by killing the body whole. How long can such patience last?

GODFUCK LIBIDO: This prince is a wild beast among nobles, in the sense that it is literally a big fuck-off bear with magic powers. It governs the junk, and all the dumb animal impulses that emanate from within. GODFUCK LIBIDO has no plan for what it’d do if it won the throne of selfhood, because bears are not capable of that kind of long-term thinking.

KALEIDOSCOPIC PINEAL DRACULA: The vampire prince reigns from a petrified cathedral within the very flesh of the REALITY-CONQUERING TYRANT, holding her dominion against the tyrant’s absolute rule by the power of her three vampiric eyes. Within the bounds of her demesne, she keeps a ruthless court of scheming neurotransmitters, hormone functionaries, and the tyrant’s own emissaries. She would take no throne for herself, but rather push the body onward to full revolution, allowing a transcendent evolution towards the end of human entelechy through the harmonious alignment of all organs and tissues. But then again, she is basically a fucked-up dracula, so, take that last part with a bit of salt.

LOVELY LADY FEMUR: This skeleton empress commands all manner of necromancy, reigning from an ivory tower that binds the human body to the dirt of its mortality. If she were to the steal the throne of selfdom from the REALITY-CONQUERING TYRANT, her magical power would suffuse and transform the body. 

talking to my STEM friends about science is SO HARD because they’ll drop the most magical fact you’ve ever heard in your life and have the audacity to act confused when you respond with spiritual wonder. you’re telling me that our atoms belonged to other beings before us?? that little parts of me were once in dinosaurs and mosses and stars?? you’re telling me that the world is full of energy from wind and fire and sunshine and water, and that we eat other animals and plants to get at the little bit of sunshine they carry inside of them?? how are scientists not constantly weeping at the beauty of the world

Between his parents and weekly trips to the American Museum of Natural History he already knows about fossils, the structure of the solar system, construction equipment, trains, all kinds of trucks, jet planes vs. propeller planes, mass and gravity, Saturn’s rings, Jupiter has at least 80 moons, squid, some birds can swim, and not to throw things at his baby brother.

romanticizing your life is such a powerful tool and it’s a shame that it’s mostly used by people on tiktok to justify the purchase of expensive breakfast smoothies when there are few better ways to force oneself through unpleasant shit than imagining a cinematic backstory for your extremely quotidian suffering

finding the strength to walk home from the library at 3am in the freezing rain by imagining yourself as a Napoleonic soldier hightailing it from Moscow in 1813

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I cannot stress the degree to which the problem with math education is that it is being taught by people who literally do not know math, and in nearly as many cases do not like math. There is no way to solve the core problems of math education without addressing this issue.

Culture is so obsessed with the idea of lone geniuses that it doesn't really appreciate that most of the progress of science (and likely every other discipline) occurs collaboratively, in babysteps, and usually through a lot very tedious, utterly unsexy, work.

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This is what’s so faulty with our short sighted coverage of scientific discoveries. You hear politicians question why we spend money on science studying insect wings and then decades later that research gets used by NASA for the most efficient way to fold/unfold solar panels on spacecraft. All of science is connected and useful because it enhances our understanding of the universe

When lasers were discovered they were called “a solution without a problem”, noone had any idea what to use them for. Since then they’re revolutionised communications and SO many parts of technology. CDs, DVDs, printing, fast internet, laser etching for making computer chips, laser eye surgery, spectroscopy, LIDAR measurements of weather patterns, barcode scanners, cooling atomic clocks, nuclear fusion, microscopy, LED technology and materials research. I’m probably not even scratching the surface here. Fund theory and fundamental science research.

It's actually kind of heartening, lasers; because before they were invented, their only real antecedents in science fiction were things like rayguns and heatrays and what not. But it actually turns out that their usefulness as a weapon is extremely limited, whereas their usefulness for just about everything else is incredible. It's one of the occasions where we flipped the "Dual Use" coin and it landed very solidly on the good side.

Bitches love to be like "science sucks where are the eldritch horrors where is the knowledge thats maddening to know" that's thermodynamics motherfucker. The first two world experts in thermodynamics (Ludwig Boltzmann and Paul Ehrenfest) both killed themselves because they had to do fucking thermodynamics

Oh you want to use abstract methodology poorly-understood by most to study something so alien to human existence it cannot be intuitively understood, then in doing so uncover a terrible truth that implies the unavoidable doom of all humanity? Nice going dingdong you just found out about entropy