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Benhold!

@redneckomancy

30+old n cranky | she/her | bi trans
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your nightmares, experienced in infrared, stem from your employment which consists of sitting reclined in a pitch black $4,000,000 pod controlling a similarly priced drone flying silently an ocean away. with the click of a rigorously engineered tactile button on your joystick, you immediately reduce an illiterate tribesman, with his broken kalashnikov & 8 bullets, into forty unrecognizable meat chunks across an acre of baking desert. you administered a similar execution to everyone standing around him; you tell yourself they were certainly terrorist accomplices but you know in the back of your head that you just iced some women and children & did so within eyeshot of many more women and children. a pal gives you high five as you hit 1600 kills today after climbing out of the pod at 5:00, no longer resembling anything that could be construed as a human in any conceivable way

on the drive home your thought pattern can be characterized by the couple of seconds of scratchy silence that plays from the last few grooves of a vinyl record after the album is finished. walking through the front doors of your newly purchased mcmansion in the suburbs of virginia, you kiss your wife and tell her you love her in a way that is somehow even less genuine than a bird or dog trained to do the same. you silently eat dinner with your increasingly estranged & bizarre acting children, maintaining the line silence in your head.

shortly thereafter this head will lie against a pillow where it will remain motionless for hours, not deviating from this line silence for even a moment. the stimulus of a dark room, heavy covers, and a warm body wrapped around you has long since failed to provoke a drowsiness response as it does in diurnal mammals. because, you see:

the darkness experienced in your murder capsule at work is no match for any darkness that occurs naturally; it is sealed to a degree rivaling that of the doors in the CDC’s level 4 bioterrorism labs. air kept at exactly 72 degrees fahrenheit & 45% humidity (with similar levels of precision) is pumped in, making your pod indistinguishable from a sensory deprivation tank if it were not for the kill cam and controls that cleverly resemble that which you used as a teenager to play video games developed by people that just so happen to also be involved with the engineering of your pod

most likely the person reading these words right now can emphasize with the distinct feeling one gets after trying to go to sleep after sitting in front of a computer all day. it certainly doesn’t burn many calories and certainly does not help guide our subconscious minds into going to sleep at the correct time. sitting in a reclined, leather bound control chair designed by swedish ergonomists amplifies this problem by orders of magnitude but it is still nothing compared to the unaddressed, festering mental baggage accrued from your time in the pod. the fact your hardened, military-trained body is even capable of sleep more than once a week baffles doctors and maybe even physicists

altogether, the amount of opiates necessary to temporarily alleviate these problems, for a single night, would easily dispatch an adult elephant much less whatever configuration of organic molecules you have become

as you lay, the radio silence in your head slowly breaks as you metaphorically crack the closet door into your mind open. a single beam of conscience thought shines through and reveals the assorted putrefied organs of all your victims, all still shuddering and pulsating and writing like the maggots occupying them. some dismembered vocal cords, divorced from a functioning larynx, resonate to produce an audible scream which still sounds more human than your normal speaking voice

the staggering horror & realization inflicted from this tiny glimpse immediately puts you in some state of shock; you fall unconscious immediately, without retaining any memory of the last few minutes of indescribable hell. this happens every night, this is how you “sleep” now

the nightmares that follow, all perceived through the same infrared filter and overlaid crosshair as seen in your pod, are africanized permutations of what you experience in reality, daily. unbound from the laws of this universe, your experiences of frequent gory murder are free to metastasize into much more horrifying versions of themselves. an account of one of these terrors is omitted as trying to conceptualize what one might entail is a feat admittedly too terrifying for the author of these words

people wonder why, after asking if i would work for lockheed martin, i respond only with a speechless, agitated expression

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musk's weird persistent fetish for the letter X rings so hollow. like he's always putting it in names not because he thinks it's cool, but because he thinks it makes him look cool. nomura spent far less money on the letter X and loves it more

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saw someone using /pos as a tone indicator the other day as if i wasnt going to read that as piece of shit. which did not bring a very /positive tone to their message ill be honest

i just wanted to say as someone who came out as genderqueer in 2011, you are in no way obligated to switch from using "older" other gender terms to newer ones like nonbinary. it's okay if you like the term nonbinary, but it's also okay if you'd rather stick with something else instead, like neutrois, genderqueer, genderless, boygirl, multigender, or whatever else your preferred term may be. use what suits you

PSA for anyone interested: Mattel is selling the Kenough sweatshirt (x). It's a preorder that won't be available until September, but it does exist. Give it a few days, and I'm sure there will be knockoffs too.

since op didn't warn ya, it's $60 AND DON'T GIVE THESE CORPORATIONS MONEY DURING THE STRIKE.

shouldn't be that hard to understand and yet.... y'all went to the theatres anyway. And are still going. Repeatedly in some cases! I hate it here.

I am not an influencer being paid to promote work. Me posting this is not scabbing. Also, many, many people associated with the strike have also been very clear that a strike and a boycott are separate things. They have asked NOT to boycott because studios love to use data to "prove" the system is too volatile to meet their demands for fair treatment.