Oh my god Wisconsin's governor just used a line item veto to secure school funding increases every year through 2425. He struck out a line so it now reads "through the 2023-2425 school year". He's allowed to do this lol

Coastal Dems: now we can't go too far now haha, we can't. We've got to be reasonable, you know, also eight of us might defect to the Republicans if you're mean to us

Midwest Dems in control of no legislative bodies:

i love blackout poetry

I love Clark Kent because realistically both a nice 6'5 superhero with godlike powers AND a friendly 6'5 country boy reporter would be rolling in bitches, but Clark suffers from terminal Sweetiepie Syndrome and has zero game as a result

Fighting for his LIFE on the phone with a cute girl. He's so real for this.

I'm happy to see that the notes are still divided into people who are roasting him for the use of "hey-o" and people who are being very open about their carnal desire for this man.

my friend asked me to pretend to be her boyfriend because her parents are homophobic af but they ended up hating me so much that they were glad when she said she was gay task failed successfully

okay so

yes

i kissed him on the lips infront of his parents and claimed it was the usual greek greeting between men is that enough for you

Are you…. Are you secretly dating her brother OP?

yes

I wonder why

Show up again to admit to dating the brother, but dress like a typical suburbanite and act like you've never met the parents before. Absolute power move.

asdgfgsjfh im totally doing this

want an update?

ofc you do

but i'm too tired to write all of what happened down right now so instead try to imagine the most awkward situation you've ever been in.

now multiply the awkwardness by 100

first of all i'm just gonna show the difference in what i was wearing

an example of what i would wear as my friend's fake bf:

and as my boyfriend's actual bf:

when my bf and i showed up his dad did such a double take

sooo yeah my bf told his parents he's gay, they looked surprised but told him it was fine... then they shared a look of pure horror (seriously, it was like they had just found out they're in the matrix) and said

"and uh. why is...he here?"

i went and introduced myself like we had never met before and said i was their son's boyfriend

:3

i've never seen two people look more angry before but they weren't gonna say anything because they had other family members over

the family members who had never met me before and therefore knew nothing about the fake relationship thing started asking me what faith i am. i said i was raised protestant, though i'm not very religious now, but that's something i want to change. i had never mentioned anything about being a protestant before and i had said several times that my family was greek orthodox but gaslight gatekeep girlboss

aaaand then the awkwardness began. those were probably the most awkward minutes of my life (we didn't stay for long because i thought the dad was gonna hit me [he probably was. i saw him clenching his fists several times]) and i don't think anyone has ever looked at me with such murderous intent as my bf's parents

update two electric boogaloo ig

i have a girlfriend now🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️

I know this is a terrible thing to say but I would give anything to see this like, as a bystander and not someone who's lost a loved one. Can you imagine

After the eulogy at a fairly beloved professor's funeral his son stood up and said "And now for a rebuttal." It went on for twenty five minutes.

Turns out the sainted professor was an utter bastard to his family.

Entirely unverifiable headcanon

ADOPTION FUN FACT

If you’re adopted internationally into the United States, BY adoption LAWS you’re legally a citizen, but you still have to apply for documentation and if it’s not done by the age of 18 you have to pay over $500 and get a judge to reopen your adoption case. 

Even More Fun Fact: No one actually tells adoptive families, this so many find out after they’re 18 when their kid needs to get a passport, wants to apply for financial aid, get certain jobs, vote or some other shit that requires proof of citizenship and now it’s too late because they’re 18 or over. 

AND EVEN MORE FUN FACT! You can sometimes even be deported because you can be considered foreign-born, non-citizens! 

Oh and they won’t accept adoption papers or a birth certificate as proof. 

Adoption is FUN. 

Do it now! Seriously. Even if you think you are safe. Do it.

Many people are finding that even a birth certificate is not valid proof anymore. Texas birth certificates are notorious. So notorious that I have 3 friends who can’t use them to get passports! Don’t think everything is hunky dory. You must nail down your citizenship.

http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/filling-out-form-n-600-application-certificate-citizenship.html

Plus the cost for your citizenship certificate is almost doubling this fall.

SIGNAL BOOST.

Some Naturalization/Citizenship Certificate tips from me, the person who front-end processes these forms for half the country: the passport people are absolute garbage at sending your Naturalization Certificate back to you. Unfortunately, they also require it for you to get a passport. If you don’t get it back, whine at them about it and they will probably cover the cost of the replacement.  

Also! It takes up to 12 months to get a replacement certificate. If you urgently need your Natz Cert to visit your dying relative in another country, the word you want to use is ‘Expedite’. Not ‘ASAP’. Not ‘rush’. Expedite. Write a letter explaining why you need it expedited, if you do. Otherwise the USCIS data-entry grunts (me!) aren’t allowed to throw it into the expedite line and it gets relegated to the Backlog Crypts. 

Also! You need to get a new Naturalization Certificate if your name and/or gender legally changes, because a lot of places want your proof of citizenship for things like Social Security and student loans and Medicaid/EBT/welfare benefits and drivers’ licenses. 

ALSO ALSO both the N600 ($600) that you use to apply for your Naturalization Certificate in the first place and N565 ($345) that you use to apply for a replacement certificate are eligible for FEE WAIVERS. It’s called an I912. Learn it, love it, use it. 

Please for your sake make sure you are using the current version of the form. The most common reason I have to reject an N565 is because someone sent me something that expired in 2013. The current one is seven pages long. Please send the government all seven of them. 

Beatrice: Would you still love me if I was a worm?

Lemony: *Sweats*

Note to my ex.

Today my professor told me every cell in our entire body is destroyed and replaced every seven years. How comforting it is to know that one day I will have a body that you will have never touched.

This just made me feel so warm.

thank you.

Important especially for victims of abuse, remember your body is yours and it heals in more ways than you realize.

Okay, so I just want to say that this isn’t necessarily true. Most of your cells have died and regrown several times in seven years, but some haven’t, and some have died and won’t return. The seven year cell renewal is a myth perpetuated by popsci in magazines everywhere.

That being said, anywhere they may have touched you, your skin, your hair, your nails and so on, was changing the moment they departed your life, even before that. Your skin became skin they’ve never touched within 27 days. Your hair grows (on average) six inches per year, so depending on how long yours is, you were rid of their touch there within a few years tops. Your nails will completely regrow within six months tops. You were a body they never touched within three or four years. You will be a body they never touched within three or four years.

You have been rewriting your body, you are your own, you are constantly changing, and you are the only one who owns your body 100% of the time.

I’m here for correcting science myths in supportive ways.

I love it when the little kids I’m teaching online have complete and total misconceptions of what’s going on. So far, I’ve encountered the following:

1. I had been teaching a little girl for several months, when one day she said to me: “My mother says you’re a real person, not an app. If you’re a real person, show me your husband.”

2. I was about to end a class, but the little girl I was teaching didn’t want the class to end. She turned to her mom and asked if she could please watch one more episode. Turns out she was under the impression that I was a very interactive TV program.

3. I couldn’t find my marker in class today. The boy I was teaching was like, “What’s your apartment number? I’ll come up and help you find it!” The boy lives in China and I live in the United States. I guess most people he knows live in the same building as him, so he assumed I did too.

4. I had been teaching a kid for quite some time when I mentioned my age in class. She was like, “Wait, you’re an adult????” She’d thought I was twelve.

This is so adorable and hilarious

That's because pea flower tea works naturally as a ph indicator! It will turn magenta when mixed with acid (lemon juice) but will turn cyan green when mixed with something alkaline (baking powder, bleach etc.)

i'm not putting bleach in my tea

lemony snicket always harboured a secret resentment for his two siblings, jacques and kit, which was entirely based on the fact that they got normal names that a human being might have, while he was stuck with ‘lemony’

Slow burn but it's written by an impatient person

This doesn't affect the speed of the developing relationship at all, but does make for a very passive aggressive narrator.

Slow burn but the writer is angry about it

“And then he leaned in to kiss her, their faces grew closer. The heat coming off of their breaths fogged the evening air. Only for the at last second he pulled away because he’s a fucking coward. Fuck you, James, just fucking do it!”

@todorokitops

@mightymorphinwaterwitch

these middle schoolers are touring campus and one of them walked by me and said “hey what’s college life like” and i told him “it sucks” and he said “well it can’t be any worse than middle school.” he’s right

Take these words through your darkest hour, for though we maybe tired and hungry, at least we’re not in fucking middle school

@mightymorphinwaterwitch

these middle schoolers are touring campus and one of them walked by me and said “hey what’s college life like” and i told him “it sucks” and he said “well it can’t be any worse than middle school.” he’s right

Take these words through your darkest hour, for though we maybe tired and hungry, at least we’re not in fucking middle school

suggestions for gender neutral version of mom/dad? something less formal than just ‘parent’

please note that while progenitor, guardian, spawnpoint etc are all respected titles, they are more the equivalent of mother/father than an affectionate nickname you would scream through the house multiple times a day. gimme something we can use people

I just tried to combine the words and got “dom” and i cant-

but wait, if we reverse ‘dom’ you get ‘mod’. I suggest we use ‘moderator’ as a gender neutral version of mom/dad

Admin and op would work makes them sound powerful and in charge of everything

Admin (respectful) Op (derogatory)

i was going to add something else to this but instead i got to thinking and i was like huh. what could you use.

in most languages the word for ‘mother’ usually starts with an M, because phonetically [m] is one of the easiest sounds for a newborn to make when they start babbling, and mothers tend to be the one most around the child. so in my mind that crosses M off the list, because it’s automatically associated with a feminine figure

similarly, ‘father’ tends to start with D, T, P, or B. (phonetically these sounds are very close together; [p, b] and [d, t] are all only different because of being voiced or unvoiced.) these are also phonetically easy letters and ones kids pick up on earlier.

now the hard sounds for kids are the following: [ɹ, d͡ʒ, tʃ, θ, ð] or in normal speak: the English R, the “j” or “dge” sound in “judge,” the “th” sound in “thigh” and the “th” sound in “the.” and we don’t want kids unable to say their parent’s name for years, so those are also off the list.

additionally, it’s easiest for young kids to just repeat the same sound twice rather than figuring out the tongue gymnastics of putting different sounds together, which is why kids will say Ma-Ma or Da-Da and not Ma-Mo or Da-Po. and we’ll want to stick with low back vowels like “ah” and avoid ones like the hard “i” or “ee.”

so what does that leave us? when we want a sound kids can learn easily and early but don’t want to just put a funky spin on “mama” or “dada”?

my suggestions: G, K, W, L. i personally lean towards W and L. they’re called liquids, since they’re the consonants that kind of aren’t consonants, and kids (and ESL learners) will tend to swap out the English R for a W or L until they can learn the R.

if i ever have a child, they’ll start calling me Wawa. then when they get older, they’ll call me Wala, or maybe even Wally.

and then, once they’re finally phonetically developed, they can call me by my true title as their nonbinary guardian for their 18+ years:

Waluigi.

Okay, but on an actually serious note, Baba is used in several different languages, but the meaning changes between mother, father, or grandparent. However, it is not used in English afaik, so it could be a good English option.

baba is what I use as a nonbinary parent (it has a long history for butches!) and this post hit me like a two-by-four to the back of the goddamn HEAD

How about Tata, because no matter what, they’re gonna try to latch onto a nipple

wait wait wait, do babies try to latch on to the nipples of non-lactating parents too? is this a thing? do babies just automatically zero in on any nipple in the vicinity, regardless of the presence of breasts or breast milk? is this an experience cis men deal with I need to KNOW

UPDATE: based on the notes the answer is a resounding YES!!!

I can’t speak to cis men’s experience, but my house has this kind of lamp, and my progeny were both very fascinated by it whenever I would carry them under one of them.

The lamp thing is legit, I’ve discussed it with so many fellow breastfeeding parents. The weirdest one for me was when my son latched onto the tied knot of a balloon.