“I’m proud of you.”
“This is the only thing i’ve ever wanted to do. ”
“I know. You’ve done it now.”
Source: tobinheath
CHONI SEX SCENE GUYS IM FUCKING D E A D
Damn.
i’ve had a lot of thoughts about rue and jules and their relationship building up and i feel like i need to get them out so here goes: i’ve been seeing a bunch of posts about these two basically either saying that they’re a perfect cutesy couple and should just be together forever or that they’re super toxic for each other and should not be together
and i kind of feel like i have a foot in both camps
on the one hand, as of the end of season one, their codependence does seem unhealthy. rue has placed a lot of her sobriety in the hands of the happiness that she’s found in being with/around jules, whether or not jules signed on for that or if she’s even fully aware of it. that’s not fair to either of them, and one person can’t ever really be responsible for another’s progress and mental health like that. so far we have seen rue take a few steps toward getting better and stronger on her own and for herself, but the mentality she’s maintained throughout this season is that jules is the end all be all.
and to me it seems like jules, when she decides she loves someone (which, given the fact that she thinks she’s in love with anna after meeting her once, may not be the most reliable) she dives in head first; with “tyler” who she met on an app and had no way of verifying whether or not he might actually be the person he said he was (in more ways than one, as we found out), she agreed to meet him late at night in a secluded area where there was no one else around to see or hear a thing; with anna, as i mentioned above, she spent one intoxicated night (was it a whole weekend? not actually sure but still) with her dancing, hooking up, and getting, to be honest, fake-deep and calling it a real connection.
with rue it’s a bit different. we clearly see that rue falls for jules very early on and girlfriend is by no means a master of controlling her face. but they start as friends. they get to know one another (with secrets here and there, to be sure) slowly but solidly. they make each other happy. and jules takes her time in realizing and admitting that what’s driving this friendship/relationship might actually be love after all. and when she finally admits this, out loud to rue, she takes rue’s half-joking running away suggestion and says fuck it let’s go. without thought to logistics, without a plan, in her mind all that matters is that they’re in love and that’s all they need to get by.
but, i think, the fact that with rue she took time to form a foundation and settle into the thrill of being in love… that might make all the difference
yes, she leaves rue on the platform while she remains on the train, but every time these two are apart, jules misses rue. she talks about rue. they’re in near constant contact from the moment they meet. she even asks if she should text rue when she’s literally dancing with anna who could not more clearly be trying to get with her. i’ve seen some people say that jules’ feelings for rue aren’t that strong or that rue is only convenient to her, but i think a lot of that reservation comes from knowing but not knowing how rue feels about her. yes, to us it’s obvious, but to me that moment in the bathroom stall when she asks rue why she doesn’t kiss-kiss her is so telling. she knows rue likes her, but rue (who is likely asking herself the same questions) hasn’t shown the outright passion that jules thinks is there but can’t be quite sure, and without that confirmation, letting herself fully feel and express a real love that goes beyond the texting and short-lived romances we’ve seen her in so far has got to be, well, scary.
when rue decides not to get on the train, we see that she can separate her love for jules and need to be with her/make her happy from her own well being. despite the drugs she takes at the end of the finale, i can only assume that as she recovers from her relapse, this time she knows that a support system can’t be a single person she just puts herself into. we’ve seen her get help from her mom. we’ve seen her push and encourage her sister to do better than she did. she’s got a sponsor who’s going to kick her ass, tell her “i told you so,” and then help her see that a relationship is like a bridge between two towers - if their structural integrity relies too heavily on the bridge, when the bridge caves in, the towers can only follow suit, but if the towers themselves are built up strong, in the event of a bridge collapse, they will remain upright.
and rue will build herself back up with a stronger foundation. by staying behind even after jules begged her to join her on the train, told her again the words rue has been waiting to hear practically since they met, that jules loves her, she has shown us, and jules, and herself that she has the capacity to do what’s right for herself even if it means not making jules happy. this moment is a huge first step. because they do love each other, they just haven’t yet been able to do it right. part of that is just them being teenagers.
i think the finale has shown us so much more potential for the future of the relationship between rue and jules than anyone has given it credit for. and while, i admit, they are by no means in a perfectly healthy relationship throughout the one season we’ve gotten so far, we’ve been left off at the perfect pivotal point for these two characters to own up to their situations, learn and grow on their own, and come back together in a way that is healthy and as close to perfect as these things can get.
danverscarol
You’re the best thing that’s happened to me in a really long time.
“Did you want me to kiss kiss you?
“I want you to wanna kiss me so bad that you don’t even ask.”
