can’t believe my last post is what it is, he broke up with me on my birthday and we got back together this week 10months later. i’m also relapsing in ana
i’ve been doing so fucking well in recovery.. i haven’t been here in months but. i just got broken up with and we’re still friends but fuck i liked him.. i loved his touch.. there’s a chance of us being together later in life but my birthday is in 9 days i’m starving myself fuck life
starry-bleu
GUESS WHOS DOWN 11 LBS IN A WEEK??
Anyways this is a good luck spell, from your friendly neighborhood Satan. Lose 11 lbs in a week, like to charge reblog to cast.
i miss my butt.. lost 5lbs yet my body looks the same except for my ass ugh
‘It’s all in your head’
yes which is why it’s called mental illness you incompetent piece of shit
today’s weight: 112.8
gained 0.8lbs overnight..
ate a cold can of veggie soup at 2am (160cals) bc starvation mode was killing me and i chugged water ate gum watched mukbangs looked at ubereats and nothing helped
god i hope i lose tomorrow
i’m around 5lbs left till i’m underweight amd i lost around 5lbs last week.. in two years i’ve never been so on track
somehow lost 4.8 lbs in a week
but also relapsed in self harm yesterday.. my bf and i keep fighting and i almost fainted from it plus the heavy restriction so fun..
i just weighed myself this morning at 113.6 (new lw)
went to ikea without eating and had heavy stuff i took home on the train
at self checkout a lady gave me a cart because she said she was worried i was so skinny i shouldn’t carry heavy bags by hand (i’m so skinny tho but holy fuck the level of motivation that gave me..) also i’ve never been told that EVER
i got home undressed and used the bathroom weighed myself..
112.6LBS!!!!
HOW?! IDK BUT IM TAKING IT TODAY HAS BEEN GREAT!!!!
WENT FROM A NEW LW IN A YEAR 7 DAYS AGO, THEN FOUR DAYS AGO, TO TODAY I HIT A NEW LW AND HAVE NEVER SEEN THE SCALE SAY 113 I HAD TO CHECK TWICE IDK WTF IM DOING BUT ITS WORKING
also on monday i binged 1000cals on candy and didn’t purge bc i was at work so tuesdays weight was wack i dont know how today i got to this..
EVEN IF JUST BY 0.01LBS.. I HIT A NEW LW AFTER ALMOST A WHOLE FUCKING YEAR
i haven’t been in the 114’s since middle of last year.. and now of course i’m gonna see my best friend after months today and she said she got me tons of snacks and now i’m gonna fuck up my progress
just the feeling of finally getting to update my LW.. finally..
someone shoot me
why did i just binge
why did i ask my mom to bring home food for me
then order food which i couldn’t finish because i was struggling to breathe from being full
i have two months.. 116.6lbs post purge..
i need to be 110 AT THE LEAST by june 1st
pretty shitty how baseline human activities like singing, dancing and making art got turned into skills instead of being seen as behaviors
so now it’s like ‘the point of doing them is to get good at them’ and not ‘this is a thing humans do, the way birds sing and bees make hives’.
I know I’ve posted this before, but it bears repeating.
This is a thing humans do; you don’t have to be good at it to enjoy it.
shit i didn’t even realize.. literally everyone thinks like this now
so-u-think-im-skinnny
look at her. her waist. her wrists. her collarbones. her jawline. her thighs. this is what bingeing gets you further away from. when you binge, you are deciding you don’t want this bad enough. (a message for me to remember tomorrow, today, until i reach my goal)
wanted to binge after having 500 cals today
chugged 16oz of water and had mint gum and asked myself
‘so are you still gonna eat?’
i felt like i BINGED the water was so much
so i just gotta keep doing that when i crave ANYTHING
just wait
pros and cons of eating right now:
pros - it might taste good for 10 minutes and my stomach wont hurt anymore.
cons - i'll break my fast, i'll feel guilty and sick, i'll enter a cycle of overeating, i'll gain weight, i'll get farther away from my goal, and it's gonna make it 10x harder to start restricting again.
pros and cons of waiting until summer:
pros - i'll already be at my goal weight so i won't feel guilty about it, i'll be able to eat in front of my friends without feeling embarrassed, i'll have adjusted well to controlling myself at that point so i won't overeat (and if i do it'll be easy to get back to my gw), i'll be so happy that i stuck it out.
cons - my stomach will hurt for a little while longer.
just think about summer. its going to be my birthday and if i give up now i wont want to go out, i wont want to eat, i'm still going to be miserable. if i stay strong now i'll be able to go to the beach with my friends and eat birthday cake.
i have nicotine and gum and tea and water. i don't need food yet. i don't deserve it.
I CAN SURVIVE OFF LIQUIDS AND NICOTINE. i need someone to engrave this post in my brain