It's end of May, yall know what that means
The next Tesla model is gonna be made of bubblegum and popsicle sticks and using the handbrake makes it fill with chlorine gas.
The next Tesla model has tires that slash themselves whenever Elon Musk wants attention and you won’t be able to change them until you like 100 of his tweets
The next Tesla model asks you three riddles before you can charge it, but they’re really terrible riddles and if you get any of them wrong a Starlink satellite crashes into your house
The next Tesla model is gonna have no windows, doors, or roof, instead using a “force field technology” that doesn’t keep out insects or rain but will electrocute small children in or around the car.
The next Tesla model takes you on a magical nostalgic adventure through beautiful landscapes where you’ll fight the forces of evil and begin to uncover mysteries of your past only to reveal in the last second that there is no conclusion, none of it mattered at all and you’re an idiot for even caring about it. Then it kicks you in the stomach.
Can’t it be both?
Here are the stats for recorded crashes involving AFAS (level 2 automation) car tech! This includes things like lane centering and adaptive cruise control. Note that Tesla wouldn’t even get its own section on a graph of total cars with this stuff installed.
The next Tesla will come with “infinite charge capacity”, but the batteries will regularly expand and explode, which is “user error, you must pay 40.000 dollars for replacement per battery”. To make sure it is safe, the engine block will ckme with small glass pieces that turn the car into a rolling shrapnel mine when the batteries expand.
Isn’t that the current Tesla model?
TITS BACK ON TUMBLR???
DON’T MIND IF I DO!!!
#POST TITS
MY PUBLIC DEMANDS!!!
AS YOU WISH!!!!!
yeeeaaaAAAAHHHHH
So there’s this seal rehabilitation center I like to watch the livestream of from time to time. This morning was pool cleaning day, the day they weigh the rescue seals and photograph them to keep track of their rehabilitation progress as a sudden change in weight is a serious health indicator among other things. The box helps keep them on the scale as, otherwise, you cannot weigh bouncy boys.
This seal was having NONE OF IT. One of the workers was attempting to get the seal to turn so they could get a photo of its side. (They are not hitting the seal, at most she is giving him a little shove in the direction it needs to turn.) HE DID NOT LIKE BEING TOUCHED WITH THE SQUEEGEE.
He did NOT like his photo being taken!
As soon as they took the box to weigh one of the other seals HE STOLE THE FRIGGIN’ SQUEEGEE!!!
delicatelygloriouspenguin
It’s a pool-cleaning day at the rehab center, and you are an angery seal.
I feel like adhd bored is different than neurotypical bored because like. You don’t understand. I have a billion things I could be doing. I turn on the tv. I stare at the Netflix screen for five minutes. Flip through shows and movies for the next thirty minutes. Nothing looks good. I put in a video game. Play for two minutes. Not feeling it. I load up YouTube. Watch half a video before closing the app. Maybe I’ll read a book? I stare at my giant bookshelf. The thought of starting a new book seems too hard. I lay in bed and play phone games for six hours. Nothing has gotten done. Still bored.
I feel like a better term for this experience is “restless.”
Sometimes nothing sounds good; I have a specific experiential craving or itch that needs to be scratched but I don’t know what it is or how to placate it so I will rapidly cycle through activities in search of something that will provide the level/type of stimulation I crave. Like a tiger pacing in the zoo.
It’s a really bad, unbearably vibratey itchy feeling. A craving for relief that takes too great a mental effort to overcome.
It can be physical too...sometimes if I don’t walk/pace it feels like my bones are squiggly and it’s as unpleasant as it sounds
I was walking through the toy aisle at Target when I found this thing and had a VIOLENT AND IMMEDIATE FLASHBACK to when JP first came out and they had a bunch of REALLY COOL T Rex toys that I would have sold one of my scrawny small-child limbs for but my mother wouldn’t get me one because they were “too violent and also ate people” :(
hnn I WANT IT SO BAD
on closer inspection, it makes a lot of really obnoxious noises and is also Too Expensive. BUT FEAR NOT I found this slightly smaller dude wedged in the back!
IT HAS BITE ACTION, AND THAT’S THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS
now we enter the testing phase
yup. looks good.
Extreme Chompin T-Rex says IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS
Can we take a moment to appreciate that we can use this as a rosetta stone to say “EXTREME CHOMPIN’ “ in four languages?
OH SHIT YOU’RE RIGHT, let me check the garbage to see if it’s still there! hopefully I didn’t destroy it in my excitement
*roar sound effect*
IMPORTANT UPDATE:
update update: I re-sized her collar and found a bag of toy bones at the craft store. I haven’t put this much effort into a non-school thing since my last job search, help
(secret bonus: the other side of her tag)
There’s more!
I love.
I saw that people are reblogging the thread again, so I thought I’d give you all an update on how Wexter is doing!
(just fine)
Wexter And The Case Of Her Continuing Marvelously Naughty Garden Adventures
brain-cells-for-sale
OP and Wexter can break all my toes and I would still send a thank you card
Wexter says SHE WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING (but she might chew your ankles a little bit maybe)
so it’s come to my attention that at some point this weekend Wexter blew past 100,000 notes, and I for one think that’s very cash money of her.
it’s been a few weeks, I suppose we should check up on the AHSGSHGAFB?!
ajdhf.
well that’s just,,,
REXCELLENT
two hundred THOUSAND notes???!?!
HELL
YES
HELL
FUCKING
YES.
bzgy15
Nearing on 375K Notes!!! What in the Paleolithic are y'all gonna do when they top 400K?!
cry, probably
Imagine Me And You (2005) dir. Ol Parker “No, really, that you could meet someone, or just… across a room, and with that one glance you could look in their eyes and see their soul. Do you believe that could happen?”
this plant is kudzu. aka 'the vine that ate the south'. a damaging invasive plant that’s a nuisance to the local area in this video. Now look at those moos go
Note to self: get cattle for backyard
What is happening
[description: tiktoker skweezy4real talking to the camera with his mask on]
"So what's the worst job you ever had? For me, it was when I was selling stolen computer chips, and (unintelligible, possibly 'In Compton') and-- What the f- [camera turns to a group of people and two alpacas, one man holding out bowl of carrots] what is this?"
"Oh hey! You wanna feed an alpaca?"
"Say- Yes! Do I just like hold it up to him?"
"Yeah just put them in your mouth and they'll take 'em from you"
"In my MOUTH?"
"In your mouth, in your mouth"
[takes off mask, puts a carrot in each corner like tusks] "Like this?
"Yeah almost like a walrus"
"And I just... I give it to..?"
"Yeah just let them see it, walk up to them and they'll take it from you"
[does it, people cheer]
".......thank you?"
He can't even tell wild stories from his past without getting interrupted by new wild stories. lol