work in progress

I've been trying to take care of myself better lately. I've been working a lot lately. I've been avoiding people a lot lately. I've been sitting alone a lot lately. Smoking. Drinking. Not much, enough to feel something. Still making mistakes. Opening old wounds. Promising to get help and then not. I'm tired. The overtime check is going to be dope. I'm learning a lot, I hope I'm doing okay, I think I am, and there are some things I can do to ensure I stay the course. I've been careening a bit. I completely recognize that but I keep doing it why?

Pick it up!

Shut it down!

There are some relationships I need to build, new ones to form, I'm excited, but also scared, it's a weird feeling, but I'm starting to understand that's what it feels like to be alive.

Light breakfast, heavy lunch, light dinner, one tall

Need a smoke

Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose

Bloom where you're planted

06/12/23

July is coming soon. I made myself some mental promises for July. Promises for either personal betterment or the complete lack thereof. I think I managed to break even, or close enough at least for either not to matter. Well that might actually be the problem, is that it should matter and it does, of course it does. I want the personal betterment, because it's not easy and doing what's easy has grown tiresome. I still have the biggest hills ahead of me, I hear they aren't even very satisfying to climb. I think it would feel like what being a vegetarian felt like, it was a personal goal and boundary I set for myself, and I always felt bad about it when it impacted situations, but once in a while in personal reflection it felt good to have that kind of self control, or personal boundary, however you want to look at it. Time for 'out with the old, in with the new' as they say. Interesting to have found a new understanding of the phrase. Rather old habits and interests for new ones.

Light breakfast, heavy lunch. Consuming alcohol today.

Bet your life there's something killing you

Days like today

05/31/23

New job site

This cup of coffee will cure me

Trash I make to entertain myself, but I pretend it's for my friends