a letter for my father
I know you’re trying your best. All we can really do is take it one day at a time. But I need you to really think about this - do you love me? Do you love all of me? Even the parts you do not understand? I have asked God a million times over to take this from me. But here I am, still very gay. This is a part of who I am.
It’s not something I want to have to hide from you. I don’t want to have to censor my life. I don’t want to walk myself down the aisle. I don’t want to have children that you won’t know.
But I also never want anyone to question the validity of my love - just because it looks different from theirs. I don’t want my children to not know you. I want to be in your life. But I want to know that we are on a road to acceptance. It’s a long path - but for me to walk it with you, you have to take a few steps yourself. I can’t open my arms to you until I know you wish the best for me. That you wish me happiness, joy, love, and that you value the person who brings me those things - regardless of their gender.
I know you don’t want to hear this - but is it that hard to believe I fell in love with a woman? I mean - you did it, and look how that’s worked out. After all these years you can still find something new to cherish about her. She is amazing. She is brilliant, witty, and she can make you laugh. See, I value many of the same things you do. For me, mine is gentle. She is a little body and a large presence; she is sunshine that peeks through the slightly tilted window blind, letting you know there’s something beyond this moment of darkness. She’s the promise of a future - a desire I never knew I had before her.
I have never felt more known. I have never felt more seen. She makes me want to be and do better.
I hope you can pray about this.
Ask God if this is really so wrong.
Perhaps - if you gave us the opportunity to show you how we care for each other - then you would believe that this love is as Christlike as your own. We are not perfect. But we are willing to work for each other and our mutual happiness and success.
I love you, and I am hopeful that you will find a way to love me as I am. Because I love the woman I’m becoming, and I really don’t want you to miss the opportunity to meet her.
