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One Giant Size Shit Bitch Bear

@rawk-chikk

My own little circle of hell.

Bro just sent me this. We lost him 10 years ago yesterday. Didn't realise it had been that long, but I'm absolutely terrible with dates. He died in Bro's arms tho, so I think it's permanently etched for him.

For y'all who don't know the story, this is Pushca, the fam's first cat.

It was the year 2000. Mum had been trying to persuade Dad to let us adopt a cat from the local shelter for ages. He was adamant that we were not gonna get a cat. You know how dads are. So mum, and us kids (well, teens and young adults at that time) had resigned ourselves to being catless.

Fast forward about a week. The sibs come home from school and Mum tells them to look in the garden. They go out, then come back in like 'OMG you got a cat!'

She was actually referring to the trees over the back garden fence. One of em fell during a bit of a bluster and destroyed our fence and next door's shed. And the picnic table where my folks sat and had morning coffee when it was nice out. If it'd been nice out that morning we'd probably have been orphaned 😬. Anyway, the trees were inspected and it was decided they should be lopped for safety. I mean these were tall fucking trees. You could see em all the way from Milton Tesco, so you'd always know the way home.

So yeah. The trees were now a lot less tall. And there was a cat in the garden...

Home Alone AU where the fam arrives back home as per the movie only to find Kate hasn't returned.

Turns out the Kenosha Kickers are actually a human trafficking ring posing as a bunch of friendly polka dudes. They prey on people stranded at airports, coz the poor bastards are usually so desperate to get where they're going that they forget the first rule of not getting serial killed or sold into slavery: Don't get in a big ol' truck with a bunch of strange men.

Anywho. What follows is essentially the movie Taken, with 8 year old Kevin in the Liam Neeson role, trying to rescue his mum and take down the people who fucked with his family at Christmas. In the most violent 'this kid deffo grows up to be Jigsaw' ways imaginable.

Proof we're in the Upside Down...

Like...how?

When did the Os git gud? Like 'better than the Rays' gud?

When did the Yanks start sucking balls? Why are the Sox not...*vague hand gesture* Soxxing?

Mah boys being mid is par for the course at this point in the season. Some things remain the same even in the Upside Down. We are the balance 😋

An Eve-entful week on ol' Enders. No, I am not embarrassed that I just wrote that.

Business as usual...

Everybody wants Eve's legal advice. Especially coz she doesn't charge for it.

Chillin' with Lily at Slater Towers...

Friends don't let friends spout casual misogyny...

Discovering Twitter has become 'X'...

(or Stacey's client has requested something...explicit. Hopefully nothing involving those courgettes they were discussing 🤢).

Being a supportive bestie/sister/wife...

"Seriously, what is his obsession with the letter X anyway?"

(or Stacey's client reveals personal info she never told him, which suggests he is someone she knows 😲).

Everyone's a suspect...

(Except for the guy who is actually guilty, natch. Because plotty soap reasons that require typically savvy characters to become incredibly stupid for the draaaahmaaaaaah innit).

PIP review form done. Seeing as mum sent hers back in April and they still haven't gotten round to processing it yet I'm hoping mine goes to the bottom of the pile and they leave me alone for a few months before calling me in for some farcical 'assessment', after which some jobsworth decision-maker incentivised to deny people's claims cuts me off and I'm forced to go through the court again to get reinstated.

As I was saying, now I've finished filling out stupid paperwork and hunting down and printing copies of other paperwork to add to the aforementioned paperwork, I can try and beat these bits and pieces of writing into something resembling a completed fic.

TDF peeps, look out for something to drop some time in August. Aiming for the first half of the month 🤞.

I've had 'Psychosocial' stuck in my head for the last 3 days, and now this bangin' mashup has only made it worse 😋.

if tumblr ever starts forcing us to censor kill and die and murder and fuck and cunt and fag i’m deleting my account and starting an email chain with the mutuals

Wait I just thought about it and it might be cute to bring back wholesome church camp swear-swaps like frick,heck, jeez, mothertrucker. Sometimes the way ppl post we might need a lil. Swear jar,,

absolutely fucking not.

I can't take the term 'unalive' seriously coz it just makes me think of the Kangs from Doctor Who 😋.

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life becomes so beautiful when you start cooking rice in liquids other than water

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put that basmati rice in the cooker with coconut cream and chicken stock and an entire onion that you've diced and sauteed with garlic until transparent. and some salt and pepper. Trust me

"Uncle Benadryl's one minute rice" one minute what? awake? left to live?

Now mum's tested positive for covid as well. I'm having a lot of the same symptoms she and Bro had but I'm testing negative so far. I expect that may change in a day or two.

Unless my immune system is just superhuman seeing as I've managed to swerve Rona at every opportunity.

She says like she didn't catch swine flu from the emergency dentist back in the day, and got rebound depression so bad I ended up on benzos long enough to need weaning off em 🤦‍♀️

Didn't feature in the highlight vid for some reason, but our absolute fave bit of our day in Bergen was the Magic Ice Bar.

You know those ice hotels that are totally still a thing but were all the rage a few years ago?

Well it's that. Except it's a bar-slash-art-gallery. And it's fucking awesome. Especially on a hot, sunny day lemme tell ya.

They dress you up in a thick ol' parka and send you into this big freezer where everything is made from crystal clear blocks of ice. The bar, the seats, the tables, everything. And there's a ton of really awesome ice sculptures and carvings and shit, all lit up with revolving coloured lights.

Very cool. Figuratively and literally 😉.

And yeah, there's a bunch of nude sculptures. Welcome to Europe 🤷‍♀️😋.

So Bro compiled a 9 minute video of the highlights of our Norway trip. It clocks in at over a gigabyte so I ain't gonna post that, lol.

But Sis took it and edited it down to a more palatable size, so here ya go.

Still planning to do a lil writeup, but I've been feeling a lil chesty the last couple of days. Figured it was a touch of the 'cruise flu(s)'...

...then Bro tested positive for covid this morning 🤦‍♀️.

So now I'm waiting for a test kit to arrive.

Oh, and my PIP is up for review again, so I may be about to lose 300 quid a month for the foreseeable.

During an epic cost of living crisis.

Because of course.

As ever, the universe gives with one hand and smacks you in the junk with the other.

But anyway, Norway. She pretty, and full of waterfalls.

On our way back to Southampton. Been at sea since about 8pm last night. Haugesund was very nice.

I'll do a proper write up when I get home and Bro's compiled all the photos.

In the meantime, these are the bollocks...

(For the uninitiated, 'the bollocks' means 'good' in British. If something is just 'bollocks' on t'other hand, that means it's bad. It's like 'shit' vs. 'the shit', ya dig?)

Anyway. Yes. Foamy, mallowy banana sweets coated in chocolate are the bollocks.