Ciao!

i look pretty today so im undiagnosing myself

*finishes a roll of wrapping paper* oh shit free weapon

*bonks myself in the head* *bonks myself in the head* *bonks myself in the head* *bonks myself in the head* *bonks myself in the head* *bo

I can't identify the emotion this woman's commentary is making me feel

When Adam bit the apple he did it because he trusted Eve. Because he loved her. Adam bit into the apple because the woman he loved told him to, no matter what God said. No matter the rules of heaven. What’s heaven to a woman’s love anyway? What’s God to your wife? The first sins of humanity, were trusting others. Eve trusted a snake, Adam trusted Eve, and I trust you. Maybe that’s a sin, just like the first couple. Maybe everyone’s right about us and we’re sinners and we offend God. But like I said, what’s God to a woman’s love anyway? What has heaven got that I can’t find sitting next to you on a cool autumn morning?

This fukcing guy ok story time. I'm a hunter and I spot a rabbit in the field so I go up to it all sneaky but it jumps in a hole. I stick my rifle in the hole and shoot. Little do I know that the rabbit had escaped out another hole positioned right behind me. My rifle, bending like a rubber hose to pop out of the other hole, was now in the perfect position to shoot my asshole

cats be like i know a spot and step directly on your bladder

This post violently resurfaced deeply suppressed memories

i just ride…

this is literally a crash bandicoot level

*ends my father’s bloodline*

<3

Zuko who spent years at sea with sailors: *stubs his toe* “Ow! Fucking son of a bitch, motherfucking god-fuck fuck fuck. Holy-“

Aang:

Senpai you’re looking ugly as hell is there something wrong with you?

my villagers after i get stung by wasps

I wonder if Vader ever found out that the droid who carried the Death Star plans was Artoo.

I can just imagine him thinking: “This explains everything. My men didn’t stand a chance.”

The most accurate thing ever

Vader, looking at R2:

i’m glad my mom caused most of my childhood trauma instead of my dad so my therapy sessions can pass the bechdel test

Excuse me why is steam advertising me a castlevania porn game

One dog has ear medicine she needs and the other one also thinks he needs it too 

(Source)

Oh my gosh, mine does this EXACT SAME THING.

The cocker spaniel is prone to ear infections, so she needs a solution squirted down her ear canal and massaged in on a regular basis. She absolutely HATES it, but she endures it because she’s a good girl and she knows she gets treats after.

The border collie does NOT have ear issues, and doesn’t need the solution, but every time I’ve finished doing the cocker spaniel’s ears, he comes slinking up to me with his tail between his legs and an expression like “It is my turn for the ear torture. 😔😔 do your worst. 😔😔😔” and he will KEEP ACTING LIKE THAT until I put the closed nozzle of the ear solution into his ear and tip it upside down and massage his ear for a bit. Then I tell him he’s done and he immediately turns delighted, because “oh, wow, I survived the ear torture, and now I’m just vibrating with delight at my survival, wow, that was rough, but I made it through”

At literally no stage did we ever tell him he needed his ears done. He just saw the cocker spaniel getting it done, and was like, “oh. 😔 ear medicine for all of us 😔”