coolio

Take 7 showers on Sunday so you won’t need to take any during the week

Friendly reminder that my dumbass isn’t good with hints, be direct.

do you ever want to check up on someone but it’s just not ur place anymore

daddy: *cums on the floor* me and the roaches: *fights over who gets to lick it first*

what in gods name

this is stomp dog it shows up to stomp away sadness

*accidentaly vents to friend* great now i can never speak to them again

In cars two at the airport the cars have to go through tsa checks and take off their wheels and stuff which implies the cars Universe had a 9/11

Wait. Oh my god. But planes are sentient in the cars universe. Did cars hijack the plane or did the planes fly themselves.

Nobody knows

Buddy they have car pope. A car jesus died on a car cross and we’re worried if car bush did car 9/11

i knew a dude in college who kept an old Smirnoff bottle full of water on his desk and would casually chug straight out of it in the middle of conversations with new people in order to establish dominance

New plan

I knew girls in high school who casually kept water bottles filled with Smirnoff at their desks and drank them during class in order to survive the American school system. 

New plan

why are breakfast dates not  a more popular thing? like forget your 9pm fancy dinner reservation, lets go eat pancakes at 9am in our pjs

I will never wake up before noon for a man

I got my heart broken and I survived, I failed 3 courses in university and graduated, I got rejected in the very first job I applied for and got promoted yesterday, I went through hard times with my family but then two years later, we laughed our hearts out over lunch, The closest friends disappointed me several times but I made new friends and loved them with all my heart. I did it once, I can do it again.

I NEEDED THIS SO BADLY

I want to sit on a rooftop with you at 2 in the morning and listen to your favorite songs and talk about how pretty the stars are

Santa Stop Her

before its too late

u can't stop me!!!!

I’m pretty certain I’ll trigger a cutscene if I get too close to this cat.

I would save the game before approaching this cat. Make sure your potions are ready.

And for you, we will.

Carrie Fisher was such an important actress, author, role model and mental health advocate who will never be forgotten

Isjdjsjxjx

hmm in a meeting at 12am?? hmmmm