“why are you always so sad?” he asked, looking over at me.
“I don’t know, probably because I’m scared of losing you again? because I’m scared of everyone just picking up and fucking leaving me?” I reply, looking into his deep sea blue eyes.
“you won’t lose me again.” he said, biting his lip out of nervous habit.
“but you promised me that last time and you left me for months and I was broken and I tried to get you to stay but you didn’t.”
he nods his head, inhaled a shaky breath and replies “I left because I loved you.”
in return I shake my head. “no, you don’t leave someone when you love them. you fucking leave because you don’t love them anymore.” I look over and see tears brimming his eyes and it looks as if the ocean waves had hit high tide and everything once pushed back came pouring over the shore.
“I left and came back, because I thought I didn’t love you anymore but I was wrong and I’m staying now because I do.”
“well I loved you.” I take a deep breath and continue “and I still do. but if you’re gonna leave again please give me an explanation as to why, because months without an answer ripped me apart.”
he looked confused and quite taken back “why didn’t you leave when I tried to come back? why did you stay even when I was gone?”
I let our a rather cruel laugh “because there was too much of me in you to just walk away, I gave you my heart and when you give someone that much of you, you stay. even when it fucking rips you apart.”
excerpt from a book I’ll never write // ig writingmyself (via drowningpoetry)
