As printed in the London Times, Monday, 5 August, 2019:
One Unconscious, One Hysterical, After Surprise Double Proposal
Diners at The Ritz had quite the show Sunday evening. Anthony J. Crowley, of Mayfair, and A. Z. Fell, known for his Soho bookshop, each planned a surprise marriage proposal to the other. However, when the time came, luck was not on their sides.
“Good thing I married a doctor!” said Mickey Smith, of North London. He and his wife were sitting at the next table and had a clear view of the action. “The ginger bloke–could swear I know him from somewhere. Anyhow, he kneels down with a ring box. The other fellow, the bastard who never sells anyone anything, started to say something. All of a sudden, he whips out this ring box at the speed of light and knocks his cold. Wham! Straight to the temple! Started screaming like Hell was chasing him!”
Smith and his wife, Dr. Martha Jones of the Whittington Hospital, took control of the situation as panicked diners rang 999. The scene culminated with Crowley and Fell kissing on a stretcher as the other diners gave them an ovation.
“Maybe now I can actually buy that book on ancient hand-to-hand combat techniques,” Dr. Jones stated after Crowley and Fell were cleared to go.
Neither Fell nor Crowley were available for comment, and Fell’s bookshop has remained closed since the incident.