@randomitemdrop / randomitemdrop.tumblr.com
As this blog closes in on 5,000 items (compared to published manuals that tend to have a few dozen at most) I worry about things getting repetitive, so I used Perchance.org's randomizer tools to put together an Item Generator! Will you get something amazing? Something useful? Something incomprehensible? Who knows?
blown away by how bad this madame tussauds gaga is. off-brand kermit. fucked.
Item: Tunic of the Off-Brand Kermits; contains forty single-use Off-Brand Kermits. They are activated by removing them from the Tunic, and once activated, for one hour they will tell incomprehensible jokes and sing strange little songs; they can walk and will obey simple instructions about where to walk to. When the hour is up they become inert stuffed animals.
Item: Health Spell Badge; contains a single charge of Cure Medium Wounds, which can be used once per day and recharges at midnight.
Item: codpiece with concealed twelve-chamber revolver that totally works, despite the chambers clearly not overlapping with the barrel. As far as I can tell, you fire it by clenching
Item: bootleg Nike clown shoes
this is the most horrifying thing Iāve ever seen jesus fucking christ
Item: papier-mĆ¢chĆ© Jerma
Item: hollow bronze monster figurine of unknown use
Source: a 17th Century object, probably but not definitely an oil lamp
Adam Magazine (1957)
Item: Gun of Irresistible Dance; allows a non-magical user to cast the spell at a target up to 200 feet away in line of sight
Photographis 86
Item: Drink Service Construct in the form of an animated statue of a muscular naked man with a glass tray where his head should be; programmed to transport drinks from the bar to tables or to walk a pre-written path for special events
Item: wooden motorcycle for gnomes
Item: Christmas Tree Cannon
i stopped the dental technician while he was applying fluoride to ask what the fuck the flavour was supposed to be. And he was like oh I was wondering that too. It says it's walterberry.
Item: Walterberries, a delicious snack that cleans teeth and freshens breath. HOWEVER for every ten berries a creature eats, roll 2d10; if you roll the same number on both dice, the creature is afflicted by an hour of mild One-Who-Knocks-Ism, a condition marked by grouchiness, snarling catchphrases, and a hunger for blue raspberry rock candy. Creatures unfortunate enough to experience multiple hours of the condition are at risk for hair loss, alignment shifting towards Evil, and +1 on Skill Check (Alchemy) for every hour spent.
Stilt Stalkers - Masters of the Universe (Mattel)
Item: Stilt Stalker Heroic Battle Stilts; while worn, they allow Good-aligned creatures to double their height. Evil and Neutral creatures can put them on but will immediately fall on their face every time, regardless of Dex save.
Item: apparatus allowing a horse to fire a gun
Now available as a sticker or magnet (or tee shirt or coffee mug or whatever)
Item: Tower of Bro-Ing Out, a small prefab multilevel tower in which two bros can lock themselves to bro out without being disturbed or observed. The lights on top indicate whether or not the Tower is in use. In an emergency the gas canisters at the bottom can be activated to rocket the Tower to a new location.
Item: 10,000 poison Ivy berries
The Bootcher! Slicer of spiritual sashimi, the Bootcher! Able to size-up the ethereal realm and render them into ribeye, this morbid meat maker can mulch the morose into filling fillets! The tragedy being that once you are broken down as a ghost, it's all over.
Item: Blade of the Bootcher, a huge blade capable of slicing ghosts into delicious ghost-meat
