As this blog closes in on 5,000 items (compared to published manuals that tend to have a few dozen at most) I worry about things getting repetitive, so I used Perchance.org's randomizer tools to put together an Item Generator! Will you get something amazing? Something useful? Something incomprehensible? Who knows?
Lace Morgul Blade by Jonathan Pinchera
Item: someone thought it would be badass to demand a cursed black sword from an imprisoned Fiend without being specific enough
Anonymous asked:
What sweet loot drops were there in the dungeons last night? I need a shoulder slot upgrade.
Shoulder items are rare--take a look at the archive if you like, https://randomitemdrop.tumblr.com/tagged/shoulder%20slot, but here, let me dig around in the back and see if anything new came in.
Uhhhh looks like you got item: the Valorous Plagueheart Shoulderpads from "World of Warcraft"; grants the wearer a number of big black horns on their shoulders as well as a pair of big creepy red slitted eyes that stare at whoever the wearer is talking to, granting them a bonus on intimidation checks.
Now, this is different- a skeleton sewing machine for your goth or Halloween decor. I couldn't find it on Google, but I have been told that it's been seen at JoAnn Fabrics.
Item: sewing machine made of bones. Well how did you think necromancers made those cool robes
// An AI company wants to pay you cryptocurrency to absorb your biometric data through their steel orbs. What problems could possibly come from that???
Item: Orb of Eyeball Scanning. Don’t worry, when it absorbs your identity into the company’s pool, it will pay you in magic money, so that’s fine.
Item: shopping cart full of jars of mayo, sitting in the warm sun for who knows how long. The sour rancid smell would probably be great for repelling some kinds of creatures and attracting other kinds, right?
The first game in the series is officially published! "StarStabber Zirc: Gemstone Collect-'Em-Up" is an in-browser 2D puzzle maze with nineteen levels, infinite lives, wacky collage graphics, and a bunch of different weirdos all trying to stop Zirc from collecting precious Plot Crystals. It's free, but if you like it I'd be super thankful if you could toss a little tip my way so I can keep working on the series.
Note: there is a minor display issue where, in my naivety as a new designer, I thought it would be fine to make a game 2000x2000 and computers would be smart enough to resize it, but that has turned out not to be the case. I'm hoping I can get that fixed in a future update, but in the meantime just zoom your browser waaaay out.
Master tag list:
- Enemy design: common fodder up to bosses
- Level design: stages and non-enemy hazards
- Game puzzle: specific challenges requiring something besides stabbing
- Game design: player items, powerups, interface, sound/music
- Gamedev: progress updates on the game itself, and also occasional complaining about the arcane nature of programming
Item: you know what I bet would help you on your quest? A knife-wielding severed hand on a rocket engine
If you like my TTRPG ideas, check out this whole-ass video game I made! AND it's free.
Item: armful of unsorted monster parts that seem like maybe they fit together or maybe not
The idea of the magic card "Swords to plowshares" is essentially that target creature rejects the way of the sword and becomes a farmer instead, hence you lose them as a combatant but gain the health from their farming.
This is really fuckin funny in conjunction with a lot of potential targets for that card. Can you just imagine you're an average farmer in an MTG plane, have a normal-ass day, and all of a sudden you look to the east, and stretching up past the clouds you see Ulamog, the despoiler, one of the infamous eldrazi titans, a creature that corrupts all that is good by its mere presence. And all the enormous bastard is doing is using their massive fuckin tendrils to plow the land and plant potatos, and tend to their flocks of eldrazi spawn, and then it turns its eyeless head thats the size of several cities at you and tips its wide brimmed straw hat at you and continues going about its worm.
For the record, these are the cards in question
Spell: Swords To Plowshares; upon failing a Will save, the target permanently gives up any quest or bloodlust for the life of a simple farmer. The spell is surprisingly easy to cast and has no limit to the size or scope of the target.
I'm just glad that we as a society have finally accepted that Dracula is really a tits out kind of vampire
Item: Sexy Vampire Singlet with attached cape
Alternative names for fantasy “golems”?
Since it started as an inconsiderate name grab from Judaism that who’s most famous example was something built to fight against racists and prevent genocide into a mere monster.
While there are more dangerou golems, they were generally monstrous due to being overly literal or “what is life?” philosophy questions.
“Construct” in general is probably good.
Maybe individual less generic names
Puns based on golems are fine I feel to an extent. And similar concepts aren’t inherently anti-Semitic, but you know…
From dwollsadvantures
Shabti? Or ushabti, ancient egyptian statues made to serve their master after death. Their legs are inscribed with affirmations of how they serve, sort of like a golem’s chem. They are religious, but a religion that hasn’t been really practiced for thousands of years
“Homunculus” (plural “Homunculi”) can mean “fake human”, “model of a human” (like an anatomy dummy), or “human shaped statue”, which feels appropriate for “magical object given a semblance of life”.
Kratt
Creature made of hay or tools animated by the devil in exchange for three drops of blood, from Estonian folklore.
They labor endlessly, but must be kept busy lest they turn on their creator. They fit the minion-of-an-evil-wizard role very well, and naturally fill that “magical robot” niche.
Item: animated toolset (but watch out)
Modern poetry
Item: Pork Prism; deals light poison damage to Clerics of any deities besides patrons of invention
Aieeeee!
The teeth!
Spell: Chompswarm; level three spell that creates 2d4 flying dentures that attack the target. For every two levels gained the spell adds an additional d4 dentures.
putting on the high vis corset and running in front of cars across a dark country road like a deer
Item: Corset of Visibility
Some years ago a lady brought to the Royal Scottish Museum in Edinburgh a trout covered with a fine coat of white fur. It was pleasingly mounted on a wooden shield and was labelled as follows:
FUR BEARING TROUT Very Rare Caught while trolling in Lake Superior off Gros Cap, Near Sault Ste. Marie, district of Algoma. It is believed that the great depth and the extreme penetrating coldness of the water in which these fish live has caused them to grow their dense coat of (usually) white fur. Mounted by ROSS C. JOBE, Taxidermist of Sault Ste. Marie, Ont.
Visiting the museum to find out more about her unique fish, the lady was told that it was undoubtedly a trout (either brown or brook) and that its fine white coat was undoubtedly from a rabbit, whereupon she immediately presented the fish to the museum. She had bought this fake in good faith which indicates that the idea of a fur-bearing trout did not seem outlandish to her.
―Stanley Peter Dance, Animal Fakes & Frauds, 1976
Item: a rare Fur-Bearing Trout on a plaque
Item: Vulgar the Robot, an advanced automaton constructed as an experiment in Artificial Crassness. When activated it lowers the local Decorum, making it more difficult for uptight characters to succeed on checks on Concentration, Will, &c.
Popular Science May 1954
Item: a red-flavored Gelatinous Cube that is about a quarter of the way through digesting a car