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-Emily Dickinson.

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rainreads

unpardonablesins

art + lemony snicket

x x x x x

rainreads

my sweet may, don't be in such a rush to go away.

come here, sit with me, tell me about the souls of the flowers that died last year's dog days.

while I console my heart as my youth perishes & decays..

~ from my journal. 19 may'23.

rainreads

what is this feeling?

somedays i feel like a god, somedays a pathetic worthless mortal.

i'm struggling between self doubt and over confidence. i've been swimming & swimming & swimming incessantly trying to reach an invisible shore.

whenever i think about my future, i feel scared and feel like walking backwards to my childhood. because my childhood was an endless summer, a forever thing.

lately everything seems so blurred, can't distinguish between reality and imagination anymore. i've been living too much inside my mind. in monet's words: i want my heart to stay "awake" in a "colorful silence". but lately i've been feeling like my heart has been drowning in the same sea of silence. everything feels parched.

today, i tried to shut my mind and listen to the melody of this mellow may evening. and suddenly i witnessed a bird sitting at the branch of a tree.

i felt a bit liberated from my thoughts, from this never ending vicious loop for a brief moment.

i'm 20. and maybe i'm not the only one who feels this way. feels so lost...

rainreads

the dove i witnessed today evening at my garden doesn't understand what is past or what is future. it only knows that it is sitting at the branch of a golden tree and it is spring.