Nothing makes a person clean their house faster than: “Hey! Are you home?”

my favorite vine is the one where emperor palpatine uses his force lightning on luke but it’s fucking bass boosted

When Prince Harry goes to a strip club he makes it rain with pictures of granny.

Don’t you leave him Samwise Gamgee

STOP

Are we sure that foxes are canines? Are we sure they aren’t just big stupid cats?

Ugh what a cutie

the absolute optimal photo set

There are animals in the world that have never seen a human.

Good for them

#im you but more specifically adapted for aquatic life

Thought I saw a shooting star but the neighbors above me are flicking cigarette butts out the window

what halsey song is this

Have you ever really thought about how when you look at the moon, it’s the same moon Shakespeare and Marie Antoinette and Van Gogh and Cleopatra looked at.

they all looked at the moon they’re all dead the moon is killing people wake up america

can lizards be stopped?

short answer: no

what is the long answer?

definitely not

I booked myself in for a massage tomorrow with my physio lady cause my jaw and neck are all locked up from the dentist today and it makes you fill out a little questionnaire to better tell your PT what kind of treatment you need. except when I was filling it in I’d just taken a bunch of pain killers and words were hard but then I logged back in to make sure I’d actually booked it and

Reason for your visit?

What kind(s) of pain are you experiencing?

Special Requests

I shouldn’t be laughing, I feel awful, but I’m just imagining you addressing a person this way.

Don’t feel too bad, my physio lady was pissing herself laughing when I showed up. Everytime she tried to pull up my profile to talk about the appointment she’d devolve into hearty chuckling while apologizing continually for laughing at my expense.

And for anyone wondering she was able to ease a considerable amount of the pain. Even while occasionally breaking out into bouts of barely suppressed giggling.

this is your periodic reminder that old-timey medicines did not fuck around

Yeah that’d probably handle a cough.

“skillfully combined with a number of other ingredients” what else did they fucking put in there

This picture is the definition of “just fuck me up”

You can’t cough if you’re in a coma

You can’t cough if you’re in a coma