chuck tingle, two time hugo award nominee and author of such erotica classics as ‘space raptor butt invasion’, ‘i’m gay for my living billionaire jet plane’, ‘bigfoot pirates haunt my balls’, and ‘there’s a bitcoin in my butt and he’s handsome’ just published a short story about the importance of consent and how it’s okay to have a loving relationship without sex if you want to??? 

that’s lovely on its own but it’s also called ‘not pounded in the butt by anything and that’s okay’, which is my favourite book title ever

Apparently 87% of people have broken 2 or more bones in their life? I’ve never broken a single one. Reblog if you’re a member of the never broken a bone club :^)

Monkey bar users don’t interact

i hope every girl who likes girls gets a romantic kiss under the mistletoe this year

i also hope every boy who likes boys gets a romantic kiss under the mistletoe too and this all goes double for trans and nb people happy holidays

SBE - stupid bitch energy

FINALLY some representativity

representativity

How dare you mock the true essence of SBE

i’m dying that robert downey jr posted this on his official facebook 😂😂😂 

Me in 60 years

She is lip syncing for her motherfucking liiiiife

honey this is how you throw a party in mykonos bitch

someone just said to my face “not everything has to be about lesbian biceps all the time.” the fucking AUDACITY

In Metroid Prime, Samus makes hand gestures inside her arm cannon to switch what beam she’s using. The beam icons on the HUD represent each hand gesture.

lesbian

The Shocker activates power beam, irrefutable proof Samus is a power top.

FUCK america and HAPPY BIRTHDAY INKO MIDORIYA

My friend sent me this after she won 3000 dollars off a scratch off. Reblog so that you can have good luck too

that’s a lot of dollars

IT WORKES I GOT PAID THREE DAYS EARLY

THAT’S FUCKING AWESOME

If you’re a girl who likes girls, please reblog this

story time.

the look in your eyes is what gets me.

“so i return to my body.. from the other plane of existence.. in which i scream”

DEAD

“Story time.

I have this one white friend.

And - [mocking] I have this one white friend, I’m not racist. And like - where was I even going with this? [laughs] She’s not even my friend, she’s just someone I know. Okay, whatever, ‘kay, so this one white person that I know - [under breath] (I know a lot, my entire town is white.) Anyway, um, one day, she comes up to me, and she’s like,

“Jenny, what are you?” and, you know, that’s like white person talk for like, [sarcastic mocking] “what FUCKING country do you come from? Like obviously you’re not from here.”  And I’m like, “um, I’m Chinese.”

And she’s like “What? You’re Chinese?”

And I’m like, “Yeah, I don’t know why that’s so much of a surprise.”

And she’s like “Well, I thought you said you were Asian.”

And - [deep breath] [pause] there was a moment, a good minute and a half, where I left my body and ascended onto another plane, and I screamed into the abyss of that plane [pause] because she did not know that Asian and Chinese are… I, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t even… you know, whatever.

So, return to my body, from the [pause] other plane of existence in which I scream. A lot. And I tell her: “You know, China, China, you see, the country that I’m from, is a part of Asia.”

And she’s like, “Where’s Asia?”

[whispers] She asked me. Where Asia is.

And I say, “Well, Asia consists of, you know..” and I list the different Asian countries and she’s like “Whaat?”

And I’m like [sarcastically] it’s, it’s this thing, you know, that you learn about in like third grade geography. It’s a continent! And she’s like “A continent?”

And I’m like “Yes.”

And she goes, “so it’s not a country?”

I’m like, “No.”

And she’s like “What’s the difference?”

And I’m like [deep breath] “America, you see, has like North, Central, South, so like, take somewhere from Canada; they are North American but they’re also Canadian…”

And she’s like “I don’t understand.”

And I’m like “It’s okay, just know that I am both Asian AND Chinese” and you know what, she is still confused to this day, and I [pause] am still on the other plane of existence, screaming, as I tell this story to you. So you can come join me, on the separate plane of existence.”

I WILL ALWAYS REBLOG THIS SHIT BECAUSE IT IS TOO REAL, TOO TRUE.

I’m actually crying

“not everything can be gay” it can. and it will

Olive harvesting

Im going to be honest, I thought decepticon ambush, but sure why not.

Bad and naughty trees go to the

W I G G L E U M B R E L L A

The last comment killed me

I was waiting for tumblr to do its thing but since yall let me down I did it mysELF

I taught him this maneuver in a lost city high up in the mountain tops of the Himalayas

his walk at the end 💀💀

Success!

On a scale from 1 to Chloe, how much useless lesbian are you? I’m a Chloe.

Enjoy, patronustrip

From now on if anyone asks me why I am randomly sad…instead of saying “I don’t know” or something I’m going to look them dead straight in the eyes and say “I’ve been assigned to mourn the death of a stranger” and just walk away