Old dude came in the shop and when I said "lemme know if you have any questions" he goes "what was the name of Alexander the Great's horse," thinking he was so funny. I told him Bucephalus, and he was so disappointed. Like his whole day was hanging on beating me at trivia. He says "you're only the second person who knew that" and I said "well, probably the third if you count Alexander the Great." He left without buying anything, and did not say goodbye. I think I honestly hurt his weird little feelings! Sorry I'm a bitch, old man!

don’t judge me for this

you know what i miss??? sand animals

would you accept these soft, funky little dudes into your heart?

not to be negative but someone really spent all that time and energy cutting open a pomegranate and then gave it to a (cute) raccoon?

It’s called Love .

And him loves it

Audrey Wollen via Lauren Spencer King

This high art is completely indistinguishable from a quality shitpost and I cannot quite describe the sheer existiential satisfaction and calm I am feeling right now

SO IT TURNS OUT THE ORIGINAL BITTENBINDER STREET SMARTS THING IS UP ON YOUTUBE

its the middle of th night and therefor time to watch this again

God I love crocs and their entire family tree so much. These are animals that have remained virtually the same for millions of years-pretty much as close to “perfect” as you can get in nature-and this highly optimized body plan is just. A fat sausage with a mouth at one end and chubby baby arms.

This is what peak performance looks like.

goes to a cemetary only to get punned by dead people

Okay but ETD and I now have new after life goals…

i am absolutely dragging myself through grading my last 6 papers, it is 9:30pm, and one of my favorite students has just used the phrase “Satan and his Gucci gang” in his milton essay

Give Hector an A

demolished

Gottem!

i went to fact check this and he literally is

fuck them up philip

The Sketch, England, October 28, 1931

the only 2 good opinions:

1. jesse from pokemon is a lesbian and james from pokemon is a gay man

2. jesse from pokemon is a lesbian and james from pokemon is a lesbian as well

yelling hard enough triggers my gag reflex

I cannot believe I get to see this video again 

Girls get made fun of for everything might as well do what you want lol

not to be dramatic but this mentality literally freed me