If you ever see this...

This is for you,

You keep popping up on my memories on Facebook, and for some reason, all of the pictures we took of each other that one day on those Clinton back roads are still on my computer. I’m waiting for the day that you stop popping up on my Facebook, because it will be a year soon since I’ve seen you last. At first, I was enraged at the overwhelming feeling that flooded my brain and body. I keep seeing your face, your hair, that fucking smile. It hurts so much. I screamed out loud “Go the fuck away!”, and immediately followed it with “God, she’s so beautiful”. This was today. This was less than an hour ago, but it never stops. You never go away completely. Only the memory of you blurred by 8 kpins and a half bottle of New Am (my go to). It makes it easier to be alone ya know? (As if I’m actually speaking to anyone right now). But sadly, I am not speaking to anyone right now. Just myself. Because you’ll never see this, and if you did you wouldn’t dare respond. I don’t know why, I really just miss your energy. Your intelligent conversation. Your strong opinion on certain things. Your voice. I haven’t heard your voice in almost a year, but I can still hear it clear as day. I have so much to say, but I feel that I’ve wasted enough energy trying to speak to a ghost. Or maybe I’m the ghost. I’m already dead to you, right?

Dear LJ, it’s been almost a year and I still can’t fucking get rid of you. Believe me, I’m trying.

Enthrall and disappoint

Enthrall and disappoint Enthrall and disappoint Enthrall and disappoint