Made Fresh

I’m screaming. The floor is cold, my body is cold, my face is hot. The bath is running, India isn’t picking up her phone. It’s about 11:30 at night and I’m grief stricken, I’m crying and my head is throbbing, my 12 hour caffeine induced high I was once on is now crashing and at probably the worst time. I’m having another post-fight freak out about the move and my paranoia is getting the best of me. I move in a little over a month and it’s the end of my world. I hear a humming sound, the bath is overflowing, India is calling me back. I answer my phone, trying not to worry her but also trying not to seem fake. Once the call is over, I get out of the bath, dry off, turn off the light and go to bed. I’m fine.
One week later and I’m on house arrest, if I didn’t think my world was crashing before this, it is now. I’ve been busted, Benny was there when it happened, she’s worried now, she has been worried for a while. I’m not quite sure if it’s the Redbull or the anxiety but I’m shaking and I remember I have to be at the theatre in an hour. Sam picks me up in an uber and we leave. I see D. I see G. I see E. Each of them a past mistake that I can’t make again. I avoid my friends that I once thought were helping. They turn into reasons why I failed, Rose is wrong, they do help. I just need to be careful. I’m in the bathroom with J, I’m crying, she knows I’m wrong. 
A month passes, I’ve moved, I’m lonely, I still think Rose is wrong. I’m forced to spend time with the person that tore my world apart. Late night convenient store trips and long car rides can’t mend your past. Days pass, phone calls end, people forget.
School starts and I’m still under the impression that no one can replace my brat pack back in my home state. I meet new friends, I pass by unfamiliar faces in the halls, things are fine, I’m fine, I miss Benny. Weeks pass and I grow apart from my initial group of friends, I change classes and find new ones. Change can be good and I see that now. God took me out of a toxic place because I’m meant to do more than stay up late and regret the night before.