Oh look, things.

new favourite hobby, stitching dumb shit onto pretty fabric

This is why art is important, in case you were wondering.

The origin story for gelatinous cubes has been found.

I really can't emphasize enough how much I don't care if the anecdotes people tell on here are true. We are sitting around a campfire telling tall tales, embellishments and flights of fancy are part of the fun

When the man at the bait shop tells you he almost caught a bass thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig you don't write a callout post accusing him of gaslighting

@odin-n-out WHEEEEEZE

Building a treehouse is the biggest insult to a tree. “I killed your friend, here hold him.”

“Friend”

Its more of I killed a potential enemy. Hold his dismembered corpse in victory.

Plants don’t wage war

Ever heard of blackberries?

Yes, plants do wage war

Mint and strawberries, too. They need to be quarantined or they will kill basically everything else. 

I planted mint in the ground 2 years ago.

It’s currently fighting a bitter battle to the death against the raspberries attempting to invade from the east while trying to annex the patio.

Could go either way at this point TBH. Unless, of course, I take a shovel and the blowtorch out there and battle both back to within their original boundaries.

And anyone wondering if a blowtorch is overkill for weeding back mint has never actually planted mint.

This post did not go where I expected it to.

Our garden plot at my childhood home slowly got overrun by wild blackberries after we stopped managing it while my sister and I were in nursing school. And by overrun I mean it was like a 4 foot tall thicket of wild blackberries. It hadn’t been touched by humans in at least 4 years. I started the ultimately futile task of trying to clear this plot with a machete and discovered to my amazement a patch of mint several feet across underneath the canopy of blackberry, still fighting the good fight all those years later.

Ultimately it took two jars of homemade napalm and some creative fire placement to clear that patch but I damn sure saved that patch of mint. It earned the right to be there.

Yall mother fuckers don’t even talk unless you’ve had to wage war on kudzu (it’s an ivy strain directly from Hell) that shit doesn’t just wage war with other plants, it wages war with all living things on planet earth. It’s some gnarly ass Blood for the Blood God, Chlorophyll for the Chlorophyll Throne demon weed. 

Can second the comments of Kudzu.

I forget where I read it but there’s this one tree that creates an extremely flammable substance that’s in both the bark and leaves. Dead trees become torches and crushed up leaves become dust-incendiary, all while the plant’s seeds are Giant Redwood levels of resilient to open flame. IE it has a goddamn scorched earth policy. It’s even more badass than plants that use toxins to starve other plants.

I’d like to third the comments on Kudzu. These are the battlefields:

See those weird pillars? Those were trees. See that strange lump in the middle? That was a house. Everything green you see in this photo is kudzu.

Kudzu is an apocalyptic nightmare

They smother every other living plant to death

Those trees under there are dead, they can’t get sunlight. Kudzu takes over and steals everything from these trees, and becomes them. It’s creepy as hell. These plants are basically straight out of a horror novelist’s wet dream tbh.

The bodies of everything the kudzu has slain.

What used to be a house

Someone attempting to drive a four wheeler through it, to give you scale

It’s an ornamental plant kept in check in china, but was introduced to north america where it immediately went rampant and began to spread incredibly fast like a disease, destroying everything in its wake

The ONLY thing that has stopped this curse from engulfing the united states is goats. Apparently goats love this stuff like no tomorrow. Everywhere we find it now, we just bring a horde of goats to cut it down. Everything is fine…. for now.

Kudzu is on time magazine’s top 10 invasive species to look out for.

This little buddy doing his part

Not to keep spamming this post but 

“the growth of kudzu as it became a “structural parasite” of the South,[7] enveloping entire structures when untreated[11] and often referred to as “the vine that ate the South”.[13]”

“It has been spreading rapidly in the southern U.S., “easily outpacing the use of herbicide spraying and mowing, as well increasing the costs of these controls by $6 million annually”.[2]“

yall it’s been estimated this plant consumes 600 kilometers of the united states every year

it’s been suggested that we just start eating it to make it go away

Adding to the spam: yes, kudzu IS edible. In fact, all parts of it but the vine are edible. The leaves are supposedly great in salads or baked into quiche. The flowers supposedly are great in jam. The roots… Well, if you know how to cook other root vegetables, you know what to do with kudzu root. Feed this stuff to your livestock and cook it.

Eat it before it eats your house.

@solarpunkcast @solarpunkactionweek @solarpunkinspo @enviropunk feels relevant

In this world it’s eat or be eaten

Thread starts with the existential angst of building a treehouse. Ends with recipes on how to eat kudzu.

Posts that make you go ‘hm.’

the movie really undersells the fact that frodo spent half a year planning to make his departure from the shire as inconspicuous as possible and merry and pippin and sam saw him doing that, figured out he was leaving the shire and that it had something to do with bilbo’s ring, and then spent nearly as long preparing to go with him. icons

worth nothing to people who havent read the books: they didnt tell him they were planning to come with him until the very last minute when he’s finally about to spill the beans, and merry’s just kind of ”yo frodo you have the worst poker face in the shire and you constantly walk around saying shit like ”oughhh i do wonder if i shall ever look down this path again oughhwh woe” out loud for everyone to hear” and frodo just sits there like

AND and. frodo’s like don’t try to stop me from leaving!! i must go!! and the girlies are like SILLY BILLY we mean to go with you!! and he’s like NO NO you don’t get it i’m probably gonna DIE!! and they’re like no no YOU don’t get it we KNOW!! you think we’d let you march off to your doom alone??

my naem is skwid

i am not fish.

i mite be sick

so im in dish.

the doctor touch

it give me shock.

i do not trust

so now im rock

10/10 squid poetry, on my evergreen squid tweet 😂

@annleckie

VOTE NOW!! SHARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS!!!

I think about this cake every day

sorry for exposing your tags but this is hilarious

OP, I hope you don’t mind me making an addition:

When I turned 17, we ordered a cake at the grocery store for my party, as we’d done many times before. If you wanted something written on the cake you’d write it into a section of the order form. We requested, very simply, “Happy Birthday Courtney”. When we went to pick it up the day of the party, this is what we got.

The bakery employees had absolutely no explanation for this. The order form, attached to the box, very clearly did not contain any of those extra names. Whomever had done the writing was no longer in, so there was no one to ask how this had happened. The fact that the name ‘Juan’ is misspelled bewilders me to this day. (I’ve never seen ‘Miley’ without the E, either, but it’s believable that someone might spell it that way.) Did this cake slip in from an alternate universe where I’m one quarter of a set of Hispanic quadruplets? Dyslexic Hispanic quadruplets, maybe?

This cake became the focal point of my party. At least two of my friends regularly called me ‘Courtney Mily Jaun Pablo’ for years to come. My siblings and I still reference it sometimes, eleven years later. It is probably the funniest thing ever to occur at any birthday celebration of my life, and may well remain so for the rest of my days.

I love a botched cake.

[ID: Image one is a photo of a cake which has the word "congratulations" written on it in messy red cursive, misspelled as something that looks like "congratutalations" and going to the very edge of the cake's border.

Image two is a set of tags that read: "#i had to get a cake for my brother's graduation #the employee came out with this the didn't even seem embarrassed he just looked so tired the offered to try again #but i said that it was perfect #couldn't have asked for a better cake for my brother #even my grandma thought it was funny

#the cashier thought i was crazy #but i was too busy crying #i mean look at it #how many letters #congratutalations #i don't know how to spell congratutalations either man i get it."

Image three is a photo of a birthday cake which says "Happy Birthday Courtney, Mily, Haun, Pablo." End ID]

MAGIC! STOLEN!! SORCERY!!!

This is one of those ‘kind of sorry I get it’ jokes…

Oh no.

Oh.

I didn’t get it so I went to the notes to find out and I just fucking hate learning sometimes dude

There’s a serial killer in your town. Unfortunately for them you are a necromancer and you have fun driving that maniac insane.

@townofcan Why would leave this masterpiece in the notes

Moon cat moon cat

i went to the dentist today and at first the blood pressure cuff wasn’t working so i said “sorry, i must have left all my blood at home” to the hygienist because i am at heart a middle-aged dad apparently, and she must not have heard me correctly because all she said was “oh, that’s okay! it happens!” but like, with complete sincerity