arguments that r no longer allowed in the “cAn TrAnS mEn Be LeSbIaNs” debate:

- but what about cis men (if a cis man feels a connection to lesbianism he’s probably not a cis man)

- they’re invalidating themselves (do u think trans men are stupid)

- lesbian is nonmen loving nonmen (literally a tumblr definition from like 2014)

- trans MASCS can but not trans MEN (there is no objective line between man and masc)

- trans men are just trying to invade lesbian spaces!!!!!!!!! (terf)

- why can’t they just identify as straight (relationship dynamic is different with straight women than it is with queer women)

anyway, shut up!!!!!!!!!!!!!

can i just ask why does a trans man choose to identify as a lesbian? like why do you guys feel comfortable (or uncomfortable!) with the label?

I have an answer to this, but I'm at the doctor rn - I'm reblogging this so I don't lose it, and I'll write it up when I'm home

oh hey thank u if u got time I’d love to hear what u think about it 😘

So this is a really complicated question with a very complicated history. I can only speak for myself and others with my same experience, and you should absolutely speak to other transmasc lesbians because they will have other reasons than this. I first want to give you a quote from the book "Butch Is A Noun," By S Bear Bergman. This is by far my favorite book dealing with gender, and quite possibly my favorite book of all time, and it is something I would highly suggest you read if this is a topic that you want to learn more about. This is from hir essay "I Know What Butch Is," and lays the groundwork for just about everything I'm going to say.

I hope that's clear and concise!

In all seriousness, though, this passage is so integral to understanding lesbians who are also trans men. For as long as butches have existed, there have been transmasc butches - some binary, some not - and transbutch individuals (like myself) that may or may not consider themselves transmasc. Butchness is so intrinsically tied to queer masculinity that expecting there to be a clean cut line between trans men and butches is ludicrous. There really is not that big of a difference between a straight binary trans man and a cis butch lesbian, in the eyes of society and in their legal needs, so when you get into the weeds of trans butches (of ANY flavor), things get even more messy.

Now, not all butches consider themselves lesbians, and not all transmasc lesbians consider themselves butches, for all manner of reasons, but we are siblings in arms. Most transmasc lesbians I know grew up as lesbians, in lesbian community spaces, fighting for lesbian rights. Many of them were butches, and some of them still identify as butch in conjunction with their trans identity. When you grow up with something as a formative part of who you are, the relationships you have, and the network you rely on, changing your gender identity does not mean that you have changed how those formative things built you into yourself. Me changing my gender does not mean that my previous relationships are void, or my network no longer wants me, contrary to what the popularization of lesbian separatism and radfem rhetoric might have you believe. I am transmasc, and I am in a women's chorus. I fight for feminist causes, and go to pride flying my butch flag. All of these things have not changed with my transition, because they are a part of me.

This belief that there are hard and fast lines between identities is not a widespread one outside of the internet. I have old queer friends in their 60s whom I'm unsure are trans or queens (or both!), and it's not really relevant when we're hanging out. I have old butch ladies in my chorus that are the only people I don't mind calling me "she", and I know a gay man who is deeply in love with his wife. Queerness is a vibrant spectrum, and the people who have told you otherwise are doing a disservice to you and to every queer person on the planet. It's messy, and wild, and the chaos is what makes it so alive. It's how you end up with people like me - a bigender transbutch lesbian, in a poly relationship with one cis man I've been with for nine and a half years (long before I even knew I was trans) and one nonbinary man I've been with for five (hello @doki-deku !). I'm a fucking mess of identity and labels because my labels are there to serve me, not anyone else. They are tools to communicate who and what I am to others. There is no word for what exactly I am other than queer, and I love that! It's why the word is so important to me! But when I'm talking about my space in the lesbian community, I am going to use the word lesbian because I am one. What other people have to say about that is none of my business.

I really hope you do talk to other people about this, and please please please read Butch Is A Noun. The book is spectacular, and is much more eloquent than anything I could write on the subject. Bear is a phenomenal writer and educator, and you'll love hir book. Hope this was a good step into the soup, and I hope you have a lovely day.

If I may add a second book rec here: Female Masculinity by Jack Halberstam is a wonderful deep dive into the history of lesbians, butch, and trans men and all the ways they overlap.

Quick survey how old are you and do you care about your wedding like is it actually that serious for you

(Image description: four squares in various shades of red with white text, together the text reads "Support autistic trans people. Support autistic trans women. Support autistic trans men. Support autistic nonbinary people.")

I did a thing with some transphobic comments that I had the misfortune of seeing with my own two eyes on TDoV.

There are screenshots below, the usernames and profile pictures have been covered up with colorful scribbles, as well as most of the text of the comment, leaving behind only a few words with a very different meaning than the original intent of the comments.

(you are not your DNA You can be transgender)

(Respect and love means affirming someone's truth)

(Biological sex is a mistake.)

there is no such thing as being "behind in life" but it's okay to recognise that you missed out on some things whilst you were busy surviving

How do we create a world where survivors feel safe to share their stories? Where they will be heard, believed and supported? 

Digital illustration of an enby with tan skin and pink hair wearing a green halter dress. There’s text on their back that reads, ‘survivors deserve a world where they feel safe to share their stories.’

[ @permanently-sprained-ankle ]

[id: a digital drawing of a disabled person. they have shoulder-ish length pink hair and they are wearing pink makeup. they are wearing a short pink strapless dress with black fabric visible at the end of the dress. they’re wearing pink leggings, and brown shoes with ribbons on them. they have three different pride themed tattoos on their arms, and a red heart on their arm as well. they have blue nail polish. the person is supporting themselves on their black cane. there are glitter details on the persons hair, dress and cane. the background is pink. the artist’s signature reads: “Lav” with a white heart next to it, placed on the end of the persons dress. /end id]

This post goes out to the disabled people who don't live perfectly healthy lifestyles. I'm talking about the disabled people who drink. The disabled who smoke. The disabled people who do drugs. The disabled people who don't exercise. The disabled people who eat junkfood. The disabled people who are angry, negative and bitter. The disabled people who choose to say no to a recommended treatment option for any reason. Considering that even fully abled people rarely manage to live up to the ideal for healthy living, it is both ableist and ridiculous to hold disabled people who are already struggling more to an even higher and more unrealistic standard. So if you're not the perfect patient, you're still valid and you still deserve support!

I gotta say, so much queer intra-community horseshit dropped off my shoulders when I decided to adopt a firm policy that everyone is the expert in their own identity, the single most knowledgeable person about what it's like to live life in their own skin, and that if someone describes their experience in ways I find contradictory or paradoxical I should do them the courtesy of presuming that they are striving to express something very specific and nuanced, rather than leaping to the conclusion that they're just dumb and using words wrong.

Sure, there are some combinations of identity terms that I look at and go "hmm, I don't get how that works." I'm still a human being. But there's a big difference between not getting how something works versus insisting that it doesn't.

Happy TDOV!

[ Image Description: Two screenshots of Jonathan Van Ness, wearing white, talking to Alok Vaid-Menon, who is in a teal button-down with their hair in an up-do. Van Ness asks, "What is it about non-binary people and trans people that is so threatening to these systems of power?" Vaid-Menon answers, "We represent possibility. We represent choice, being able to create a life, a way of living, a way of loving, a way of looking that's outside of what we've been told that you should be." Description Ends ]

Edit: Thank you to everyone who identified the other person as Alok Vaid-Menon!

— Harper-Hugo Darling

What makes something romance is internal, not how it looks externally. It's romantic if you intend it to be or you and whoever you're with have defined it that way.

It might be tempting, and even necessary in some cases, to create what is seen as "normal" works of art, literature, etc. and forgo your own experience as a nonbinary person in the process.

Do what you must to survive, of course, but be sure to remember why you create in the first place.

Give yourself a space to be true to yourself no matter the pressures from a narrow minded, external society.

It's your choice if you want to act on attraction you experience or not. It's OK if you'd prefer not to.

new game is to type one through ten in your tags and see what comes up. i think my favorite of mine is ‘my uncle told us he spent seven and a half hours in a sensory deprivation tank once’ but ‘gideon the ninth motherfucker’ is a close second