oh captain, my captain

• The average lifespan of wild orcas ranges from 30-50 years, although some females can easily make it past 80 (a wild orca named J2 or ‘Granny’ is 103 this year!). The lifespan of a Sea World orca is around 25 years, the median age being 9. But at least they put on a good show!
• Don’t worry, collapsed dorsal fins are a common condition, although in the wild only sick or injured orcas have collapsed dorsal fins. All of Sea World’s males and some females have it, it makes them look unique! 
• The size of Sea World’s tanks compared to an orca is about the same as a human to a bathtub. Lot’s of room to stretch and move!
• Wild orcas swim 100+ miles a day, they would have to swim around their tank 1,400+ times a day to achieve that. But that seems like a lot of work, and you may see the animals hanging out near the surface of the water or on the bottoms of their tanks for hours. That’s a lot more relaxing than swimming all those miles!
• Sea World gives their orcas a Valium-like drug to stop the whales from acting aggressively towards each other and to numb their minds from their vastly uninteresting concrete tanks. Buying a ticket to Sea World is an excellent way to help them pay for these drugs that they pump their animals full with!
• Many captive orcas show abnormal behaviors like head bobbing, chewing on concrete, and self mutilation by banging their heads into the side of the tank. Obviously just temper-tantrums! Silly things.
• In the wild, there has been only one orca attack. Bad orca! While in captivity, there have been over 100 attacks and 4 deaths. These animals just need more training, it couldn’t possibly be related to their confinement! 
• Food is used as reinforcement for tricks. Do a trick, get your dinner. Don’t want to do a trick? I guess you don’t eat tonight you stubborn thing! 

Dear Art Dept.

I got a test pressing from the factory of our new album but they sent two single-sided discs, so I decided to stick them together. I got my super glue out, lined the two records up and stuck them, but I got it wrong and when I tried to play it the hole in the middle didn’t fit. I tried to pull it apart but the record broke, so I ended up throwing it on the fire. After about 5 minutes of vinyl-smoke filling the room I picked it up and threw the whole thing out into the garden.

Anyway, the next day I took some photos and I thought it might be a good idea to use the burnt record as part of your advertising campaign. Let me know what you think.

All the best,

Paul McCartney

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Dear Paul

We got your idea and feel we may be able to work it in somewhere, but think that our campaign says it all.

Art Dept.