Favorite thing about renaissance faires is that they have fuck all to to with the renaissance. This thang is not about historical anything this is about dressing up like a fairy and watching a joust

every single piece of herend porcelain is made by hand, and their designs are unique and one of a kind. lando just broke a piece of art that is not only culturally significant, but took a craftsman months to make and was one of a kind.

AVENGE ME HAMLET FOR I WAS KILLED BY YOUR UNCLE, AND MY BROTHER 

A MOST FOWL AND UNNATURAL MURDER

My favorite rejected New Yorker submission

life becomes so beautiful when you start cooking rice in liquids other than water

put that basmati rice in the cooker with coconut cream and chicken stock and an entire onion that you've diced and sauteed with garlic until transparent. and some salt and pepper. Trust me

"Uncle Benadryl's one minute rice" one minute what? awake? left to live?

1 minute til hatman

Any setting where the elves have weaker booze than the dwarves isn't committing to the bit

I mean, we're talking about people whose lifespan is Yes.

"Oh, the weak wine? That is for children. I am two thousand years old, and I daresay one sip from this highball would knock you on your ass for a week."

Look, there's this weird thing people do with high fantasy where they want elves to be immortal/extremely long-lived snooty aristocrats and also somehow incapacitated by imagining the taste of salt too hard. "Orcs and dwarves have the hardest booze" no they don't, they have work in the morning! In any of these settings, elves would pregame harder than hobbits party and everyone else has shit to do tomorrow.

The average high elf builds up the drug tolerance of a mid-70s Hollywood producer and then spends three centuries studying alchemy. While humans seek immortality, the Immortals seek the elusive "philosopher's cocaine."

i’m sick of these SJWs telling me not to buy bottled water

i propose a new hashtag

#watergate

but didn’t that already happen?

no, you’re thinking of #gamergate

#watergate is an all new movement advocating choice in drinks

wait but what about the thing in the 60’s where this guy

suddenly stole buckets upon buckets of water from this thing

and got slapped in the hand for it?

don’t be silly, everyone knows about Tricky Dick’s Wet ‘n’ Wild Water Heist of 1967

Disability Pride month let's not forget about the people in our community with intellectual disabilities!

I just found out about the Stay Up Late campaign to advocate for people with intellectual disabilities to have the right to go out in the evening and not have to be in bed by 8pm

I learned about it from this video:

And I found the website for the campaign which is here:

Let's support all members of our community

only $1400 to scare the shit out of yourself every single night of your life

fresh, clean no-terf version for reblogs!

Your mom and aunts aren’t on tumblr.  Please warn them about this as well. 

[Image description: Two smartphone screenshots of a Facebook post by a person named Sheila Toll posted 2 Sep. It is black text on a white background and the post is public. The post reads:

I am a Family Doctor and I want to keep a promise made to a patient. 

Julie was a healthy, post-menopausal woman in my care who came in for a periodic health examination. One of my routine questions, in what is called the “Review of Systems”, was to ask if she had experienced any vaginal bleeding. 

She said “No” but then laughed and added, “Other than when my period came back for a few months last year”. 

All health care professional are taught early on that ‘vaginal bleeding in a post-menopausal woman is Cancer of the Uterus until proven otherwise’. This comment by Julie was, therefore, a red flag (no pun intended) prompting further questions, an examination and an ultrasound of her pelvis. 

Julie was surprised to see me so concerned, especially since the symptoms had not recurred over many months. 

Sure enough, a pelvic ultrasound and tissue sampling confirmed Cancer of the Uterus. 

Julie underwent a hysterectomy and radiation therapy. She is now healthy, cancer-free and is expected to stay that way. 

After all this was done, Julie sat ME down for a talk. She told me she’d had no idea a ‘short return’ of her period after menopause was a danger signal. Furthermore, she addressed the topic with friends over coffee and discovered that, out of 20 women, NONE of them knew this symptom was abnormal! She admonished me to “Tell women this! Don’t assume we know it!”

From that day on, I have kept Julie’s advice in mind when talking with post-menopausal patients. But recently my wife suggested that I should take this to a wider audience. 

So, Julie, this is for you: 

If you are a post-menopausal woman and your period ‘comes back’ or you have even one episode of vaginal bleeding, TELL A HEALTH CARE PROFESSIONAL and insist on having it investigated! 

Wishing you all good health and long lives. End image description.]

I see Hollywood is now very into the idea of buying something once and then owning it forever and being able to make infinite copies. Which. Isn’t quite the message they imparted upon me in my childhood. In the spirit of their own long-held stance:

the "god DAMNIT" kills me Every Time

say what you want about nico, but he will correct false narratives without a moments hesitation no matter how awkward it makes the situation

tell em nico

Solidarity Summer is well and truly ramping up. AS IT FUCKING SHOULD.

And another one! 📢

Barnes and Noble booksellers are working on forming a union as well! 

https://www.reddit.com/r/union/comments/rwczci/barnes_noble_workers_want_union/

Their flagship store and New York has unionized along with 3-4 other stores! This is happening! People are tired of being seen as dollar signs and being made to work just to get to work more, to survive instead of thrive. Keep it UP. 

'horseplay' and 'monkey business' being treated as synonyms means something. don't know what though

Monkeys are so silly that what they consider business, horses consider play.

after inputting some complex algorithms into my super computer i’ve determined what tumblr will look like in the year 2020

i love how this comes back after every shitty update staff makes

this is so nostalgic. tumblr rolls out something terrible. everyone complains. it breaks several people's dashboards. for some reason it only rolls out to a few people at a time with seemingly no warning. the community collectively and immediately searches for a browser extension that undoes the change. i know we've all gotten burnt out on all social media sucking but this is genuinely The tumblr experience. everyone who hasn't gotten it already gets an achievement. welcome to the club