AND I'LL DO IT AGAIN.

Every single time!

THATS TUPPERWARE

i thought delaware was a place in ohio? why are there so many things named delaware?

delaware is too powerful

what the fuck

Wait what? I thought Delaware was a store with building supplies. Like paint, wood, nails and stuff?

THATS HOME DEPOT ???

I know home depot, but dude I don't know anything about America mad have never been there. Are you sure there is not a some sort of store called something close to Delaware!?!

.....ace hardware....?

this post has only been around for a few hours but could very well be a world heritage post

but at what cost

This post launched at 8am PST on 12 Feb 2021. The above conversation has happened in 3 hours.

he WHAT? i thought he was from. w. wait. ???

delaware stole the presidents shoelaces for clout and became too powerful

From the UK- and what do you mean Delaware isn't a type of ceramic?

it is now

@hellsite-hall-of-fame is it too early?

Isn’t delaware what they make computers on???

software ??

I think they meant Dell Ware, a specific computer type. We had a Dell computer once.

I thought Delaware was that famous singer they spoofed in Zootopia.

gazelle??

oh i thought delaware was that one british singer lady, you know, the one from chasing pavements

that's fucking adele

isn’t delaware that place you go when you die

youre thinking of superhell and all of you are going there

how the fuck did any of you come to the conclusions you all made

we live in america?

I thought Delaware was that food delivery service that keeps interrupting youtube videos with their ads when I'm trying to have a good time

..... are you talking about Doordash???

Isn't Delawere the name of that one girl in the song that goes "Hey there, Delawere"? She's from NYC or something.

THATS HEY THERE DELILAH

Pausing here to point out that op is “dear-AO3″ and now I’m wondering if Delaware fanfic would be categorized as RSF (real state fic) or AU (alternate unitedstates)

stop i do not want to think about this 

Isn’t Delaware that SPN ship that exploded the internet

Everyone on this post:

I love that the “no, that’s [x]” meme is making a comeback here and only here and nobody has any idea what’s going on

Keep up the good work, we can make poor OP have a melt down yet. 

Isn't delaware that one brand of pizza that's like "it's not delivery, it's delaware."

isn't delaware the god of the sea

Isn't Delaware the name of that guy who painted the Mona Lisa?

delaware is that one evil cyborg guy that has a son named Luke and a red laser sword

Thats Darth Vader. Im pretty sure Delaware is that other red-laser sword guy. You know. The one that stabbed Qui-Gon.

what have i created

I usually only reblog older posts, but this definitely deserves to be in every tumblr hall of fame

this post has only existed for 8 days. 

This is fantastic because it goes great with my theory that Delaware only exists for tax purposes. Like, all the states really only exists for Tax Purposes, but Delaware is particularly fake because back in 2012 I got lost in the Alleged Delaware Area looking trying to get to a family reunion, but every time I pulled over for directions, I would ask what the hell state I was in now, and I went through Mayland, Pennsylvania, New Jersey AND Virginia and I never fucking found Delaware but I did eventually find the Family Reunion and earned the repsepct of my then-prospective- Great-Grandmother-In-Law by saving her favorite grandchildren from a furious oceangoing horse so I’m convinced that not only is the state a purely legal construct, they didn’t even dedicate any landmass to it, or it’s a gov’t blackzone where the carnivorous horses live.

World Heritage Post

fun fact, i actually drove through delaware on this posts 6 month birthday. i hate it here.

This post literally fills me with life,tysm.

This post confused the heck out of me, I don't even know what's going on in this post, why the hell am I rebloging it?

the "came back wrong" trope except like... they didnt. like this mad scientists wife died, and so he studied necromancy, brought her back, and she came back and it all worked. like she came back exactly the same as she was before with literally no difference. but the scientist guy is like "oh no... what have i done.... shes Different now!!!! she came back Wrong!!!!" and shes just like. chilling. reading a book. cooking dinner. shes just so so normal but in the guys mind hes like "oh shes soooo weird" but shes just normal

Peer reviewed tags from @somanyofthekids

NO its a JOKE and YOU DONT GET IT. ITS NOT THAT DEEP

While she was dead he put his memory of her on such a high pedestal that she could never live up to it alive

alternatively‚ she came back perfectly fine but he thinks she came back wrong‚ because the tragic reality is that he never actually knew his wife

im going INSANE thats MY POST.

It's your post but the journey to posting it changed it to such a degree that even its closest intimacies are now foreign to you. Sorry dude.

6.29.22

Once again making a plug for the Anonymous collection on AO3. Don’t delete your work! Add it to the Anonymous collection, which will remove your name but allow you to retain control (still receive kudos and comments, still make edits or updates, etc.) No one will know the work is yours, even though it’s still yours.

Orphaning your work is an option, too, but the nice thing about the Anonymous collection (again), is that you get to retain control of your work!

Don’t delete! Make it anonymous!

I actually NEVER knew that option existed. Great! Thanks for this! I do have a couple of fics I was just about to delete – now they don’t have to ;)

Wait, so, after being chosen as the fourth TriWizard Champion, Harry was immediately asked if he had an older student put his name in for him. So, like, was it actually that easy? Because if it was, you can’t tell me that some broke-ass Slytherin seventh-year didn’t immediately realize this and start raking in the cash. Like damn, they don’t want to be a part of this Insane Danger Stunt Show themselves, but they’ll put basically any scrap of paper you want into that stupid cup for a sickle.

You’re a first-year who can’t cast Wingardium Leviosa yet? Whatever, sure, just pay up. There’s no way you’re going to be chosen against Angelina “Can Probably Crush You With Her Thighs” Johnson, but at least you can tell all your eleven-year-old buddies that you Did A Cool Thing.

You wanna forcibly enter your friend without their consent? Hell no, get that shit out of here. I’m a Slytherin, not a complete bastard. If I’ve hear about you trying this shit again, I’mma curse your butt into the Lake and report you to Flitwick. You might think that’s funny because he’s short, but you will learn, young padawan. You will fear the Flitwick.

You’re a third-year who thinks that becoming the Hogwarts Champion will impress your crush? Okay, into the fiery cup. But also lmfao, have you even seen Cedric “Hottie McDreamy the Hufflepuff” Diggory? Like, hot damn. 

You wanna enter your owl? Your cat? Your toad? Go for it, man, that’d be effing hilarious. I would actually pay to see that Tournament.

You’re a fifth-year who genuinely wants to enter the Tournament? Well, okay, but man, I am roomies with Cassius “Wake Up Before Noon At Your Own Risk” Warrington and he’d be grinding you into the floor under the heel of his handmade, Italian, dragon-hide shoes before you even knew what hit you.

You wanna enter… McGonagall? No, no, nonononono. That’s how people effing die, man. Like, she would destroy the competition and it would be glorious to behold and I would cry tears of awe at the sheer beauty of her wrath… but also, I am too young and beautiful to die. She would find us and we would die. Best scenario is she keeps us as pet mice forever.

So after the Weasley twins get their Age Potion issues fixed, a tiny Slytherin first-year girl sidles up to them in the halls and whispers, “You wanna enter the Tournament? Phil can hook you up. But you didn’t hear it from me!” And so the Weasley twins go find Phil, and Phil tells them straight up, “One slip for a sickle, three for two, five for three, and ten for four.”

Fred’s like, “Does entering your name more than once actually do anything?”

Phil, “Don’t know, don’t care.” (It doesn’t, Phil’s checked. He’d charge more if it did.)

And how does Phil get away with entering all these names? He tells all the supervising professors that he’s entering his own name - again and again and again - for a better chance at being selected. Professor Sprout informs him gently that this won’t make a difference and Phil tells her with the wide-eyed innocence of someone running a major scam operation that “Might as well try, Professor! Maybe diligence with pay off in the long run!”

Sprout’s heart melts, and everyone in the know facepalms. Everyone not in the know looks at him with “cheating Slytherin!” expressions and Phil dgaf because he’s got a giant pile of money now, suckers. [Snape noticed something was up, but didn’t care enough to stop it. Moody also noticed, but didn’t do anything. (Barty approves.)]

Entering more names doesn’t help because it’s not a lottery, the Goblet actually chooses, so a person can only really be entered once. It’s probably actually a good thing that Cedric “Tried to have a won Quidditch match made invalid out of fairness” Diggory and Harry “I am confused and I don’t want to be here” Potter were chosen. Because if fourth-year Ravenclaw Travis Collins had been chosen, the Goblet would have spat out all one-hundred and eighty-three scraps of paper with his name on it.

“Kids these days have too much pocket-money,” Phil comments as he comforts his boyfriend, Cassius Warrington, for being passed over in favor of Cedric “Made of Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice” Diggory, and counts the massive pile of money he’s collected. “Kinda wish the fiery cup had picked that kid’s Kneazle, though. That would’ve been awesome.”

[-Inspired by this post by @accio-shitpost-]

I wanna read more about Phil and his boyfriend Cassius Warrington.

OK, but I read the part about entering your pets and all I can think about is the name ‘Trevor Longbottom’ coming out of the cup and the teachers are all confused because “did we somehow miss or forget that Neville has an older brother? Did Frank and Alice have a secret hidden love child during their Hogwarts years?” Meanwhile, half the Gryffindors are groaning and face palming because who doesn’t know about Trevor ‘constantly lost but probably actually trying to escape this insane asylum of a school’ Longbottom? and poor little nervous Neville, who certainly had nothing to do with Trevor’s name being entered, slowly makes his way too the front of the room and Dumbledore just looks at him curiously and Neville gulps and extends his hands, which Trevor is sitting in and as realisation dawns on the various professor’s faces, everyone collectively looses their shit.

I’m laughing so hard. Also also just imagine Errol’s name coming out. Oh man. Just… Oh man…

This is my favorite hc ever and I need a fic on this desperately

(OP here) Oh man, you are all my favorite people. But that animal thing is totally technically possible, because Barty Confunded the Goblet of Fire, right? It would take an exceptionally powerful and talented witch or wizard to enchant such an ancient magical artifact, right? But seriously, what if Barty had fucked up? That thing is ancient, there’s no way anyone in modern day really knows how the fuck it works.

Frankly, I am completely convinced that the Goblet of Fire is a horrible hodgepodge of experimental magic as some random witch tries to create some way to choose Champions. I have henceforth named her Gonilda and she is the magical computer programmer of 1294, and the creation process of the Goblet was a fucking disaster.

Like, “Shit, I’ve got this super ugly pot that my kid made me in his pottery class the other day, will that do?” “Okay, okay, how do I make the Goblet have only three schools?” “Fuck, Fredreich, made a note to make sure that it won’t explode if more than 13 students are entered because apparently this stubborn piece of ceramics can’t count for shit.” “HOW THE FUCK IS THIS JUDGING PROCESS SUPPOSED TO WORK? IF THIS SON OF A PITCH DOESN’T COOPERATE, I’M MAKING THIS SHIT RANDOM.” (’Gonilda, no.” “GONILDA, YES, DAMN IT!”) “Okay, okay, I think it works now. But also, I have no idea how to reset it. Can we only hold this shitty tournament once?” (”Gonilda, no.” “Fuck you, Fredreich.”) “OKAY, NOW IT WORKS! Just one more tiny detail an- Shit, it’s on fire now. …Can I just leave it on fire? I’m leaving it on fire.” (”Gonilda, no.” “I’m done, I’m out. It’s on fire and I’m not going to do shit about it.”)

Person in charge of running the Triwizard Tournament: “Ah, Fredreich, wonderful! And you met our deadline! Please give ours thanks to Mistress Gonilda for her exceptional wo- … Why is it on fire?”

Gonilda (in the distance): “BECAUSE FUCK YOU, THAT’S WHY.”

So basically, the Goblet of Fire works because nobody fucking touch it. It’s on fire, we don’t need to make it explode, folks. Just nobody do anything weird to it and we all collectively pray it keeps working.

And then along comes Barty Crouch Junior and he’s like, “I’mma Confund this cup for this Evil Plot by the Dark Lord Voldemort so it chooses Harry Potter.” Except the Goblet of Fire is a disaster and Barty’s Confundus works for maybe five minutes before something in it breaks, and it’s magical programming is basically just flipping through magical error messages.

Error 400: Bad Request - What the Fuck Are You Doing, Dipshit?!?

Error 403: Forbidden - Dear Fredreich, Stop Doing Shit, You Don’t Know Crap. With Much Love, Mistress Gonilda.

Error 405: Method Not Allowed - Seriously, Dipshit, What the Fuck?

Error 409: Conflict - With Literally Everything. Great Going, Assface.

Barty, why? Why would you try and poke an ancient disaster like this? You were so preoccupied with whether you could do it that you didn’t stop to think if you should. You did it, you crazy son of a bitch, you did it. See, here I am now by myself, talking to myself. That’s Chaos Theory.

Anyway…

Cue small, adorable, innocent first-year voice rising out of the crowd at the Champion Selection Ceremony: “Headmaster Dumbledore? Why is there black smoke coming out of it?”

Cue second small, adorable, innocent first-year voice: “Is it supposed to be making that tea-kettle sound? Why is it screaming?”

Then the Goblet just starts spitting out Champions like it’s freakin’ Oprah or something. Set fire to the fucking rain. YOU GET TO BE A TRIWIZARD CHAMPION! YOU GET TO BE A TRIWIZARD CHAMPION! EVERYBODY GETS TO BE A TRIWIZARD CHAMPION!

(Errol Weasley, Trevor Longbottom, every female Durmstrang student, Professor Trelawny, the Weasley twins twice, a Hogwarts seventh-year from every house, Fleur Delacour and a group of Beauxbatons boys that looks like a boy-band in disguise, Harry Potter five times over, that one kid’s Kneazle, etc. The list goes on.)

Cassius Warrington looks beside him to his boyfriend, who is currently trying to slide underneath a table and maybe phase himself out of existence by sheer willpower, muttering about how he’s now going to die at the hands of Minerva McGonagall and running away to Barbados.

“Phil,” Cassius says seriously, “What the fuck did you do.”

@potterheadcanon

Watch: John Cena continues, “So, let’s try this one more time. Close your eyes.” 

x

King

Worth noting that he protested loudly against the WWE doing a show in Saudi Arabia after the assassination of Jamal Khashoggi, and the company retaliated by making sure he hasn’t been on TV or PPV since. Not fired, of course, so they can keep selling merchandise with his face on it (and keep him from joining the competition), just out of the public eye so he and his protests gets forgotten by the fans.

Picture that: an ubiquitous celeb and household name like John Cena basically got black bagged and vanished for speaking up for human rights. That’s the power of capitalism, kids

When I tell that I love him

Also the fact John Cena has done more Make a Wish foundation meetings with kids then anyone by a mile and a half.

Queer is a good term

You dont owe anyone specificity

You dont owe anyone any information about yourself

Your gender is allowed to be queer, your sexuality is allowed to be queer

Youre allowed to not identify with queer, however you have to respect your queer siblings when they use the term for themselves

Radfems will try to pry specifics of your label out of your hands to know whether youre valid or not in their eyes, but you are valid regardless of your specific label, or if queer is your only label

Queer is an identity

Queer is a community

Queer is a history

We're here, we're queer, and we're done hiding in fear

This post is accepting or trans people of all gender, and all sexualities, youre loved and welcomed here

the reason you were able to read more and do more activities in a day when you were a kid than you do as an adult isn’t because you got stupider, it’s because as a child you generally had your base needs taken care of and your schedule provided to you, so you didn’t have to use as much of your mental and physical energy on planning, life maintenance (ie food and administrative tasks), and general executive function. of course you could focus on reading a novel in two days, somebody else made your lunches and you never thought about phone bills and you didn’t even have to decide for yourself when to take a bath. c’mon

concept: woman makes deal with demon to have it’s child in exchange for eternal life or some shit

woman then makes deal with witch and offers her first born for like, riches or something

woman dumps demon baby on witch, absconds with her winnings and leaves witch and demon fighting for custody

half demon baby grows up learning magic and visiting hell on weekends and every second christmas

does the woman act as a sort of vodka aunt who shows up sometimes to teach the child how to work the system?

“here you go timmy, have a new xbox. this year I’m going to teach you the ins and outs of magical tax evasion”

SHE DOES NOW

Fanfic authors are amazing like they could be literally anyone. That one coffee au you read last night? Could have been written by morgan freeman who knows

Dude I am acutely aware of this whenever I see people writing at coffee shops and stuff

Story time: I used to sit at the library for hours to mooch the wifi and work on my fics. Almost every day, the same person would sit across from me. We both had our established spots and no one ever really took them. Couple months passed and I was working when I got an email from Ao3 saying a story I was following had updated. I proceeded to take a break to grin and giggle behind my hand throughout the story. I left a comment and went back to my writing. Not five minutes later, the person’s phone went off, and they started grinning and typing on their phone. Another few minutes go by… And my phone pings that the author has replied to my comment.

Long story short, we traded a few odd looks while we both typed on our phones, before we finally put the pieces together and realized we were talking to each other while sitting across from each other. Turns out we were mutual followers of each other and ended up talking for hours about our favourite fics.

Give me THIS as a coffee shop AU!

i’d reblog this even if it was a still image

I know it’s a sesame street clip but seriously, who is the target audience for this?

Parents watching it with their kids, I guess?

literally everyone

Everyone. No, really… everyone.

For adults, the appeal is Sir Patrick Stewart doing a kid’s educational bit in full Shakespearean dress and style; there’s a delightful cognitive dissonance between the very serious presentation and the very simple content.

For very small children, it’s educational: this is the letter “B”; here’s how it’s shaped; here’s some words you know that start with it. Oh, and here’s a word you may not be familiar with that starts with it, so you can recognize that it’s the sound that matters, and not whatever other connection you made between the other two words.

For older kids: you’ve probably heard that “to be or not to be?” speech, or at least part of it, so you can enjoy some of the parody the adults are watching. Also, here’s how to describe how a letter is made - how to teach young siblings who don’t read yet, how to explain both the shape and the sound.

For kids with dyslexia: here’s how you differentiate a “B” from a P or D or E. You may have to go slowly and look carefully at the exact shapes that make up the whole, but there are differences and you can learn to recognize them. 

For teens or young college students: In addition to whichever parts of those are relevant to you, here’s what Shakespearean acting sounds like. Here’s how to enunciate clearly and slowly, so your audience can understand terms they may not recognize and still follow the gist of what you’re saying. If you’re reading Shakespeare in school, try sounding it out like this and see if that helps it make sense.

For new RenFaire workers: Here’s how to pronounce “zounds.” 

One of the most glorious things in the world is Shakespearean actors doing stuff like this.

welp. i was THISCLOSE to posting an adolescent “i hate everything” post… and then i saw this.

Literally just let this play 8 times in a row and my smile never faltered even once 😁

This healed me….

The notes are broken. This is what tumblr is all about apparently.

THE NOTES ARE BROKEN!  This has been reblogged so many times, Tumblr just shrugged and said “infinity”

PSA! You're not "screwing over the man" by shitting on independent authors. You're just taking their livelihood. And we're not talking about KU books.

[Image ID: A screenshot of a tweet by username @KBrombergDriven. The text reads:

"1/2 Every time you return an ebook at Amazon, the author is charged back more than what they were paid for the sale. Yes, that means we could owe Amazon at the end of the month. Since TikToks went viral saying 'it's okay to return ebooks'

2/2 most authors returns have skyrocketed. Reading and returning a book is stealing. If you want free books, try the library app, Libby (among others) #AmazonisNotALibrary"

/.End ID]

it gets funnier the longer you look

US SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE IS CHANGING ITS NUMBER

Taking effect July 2022, the US Suicide Prevention Hotline will change from 800-273-8255 to the three digit code of 988. Especially with families and communities reeling from back to back tragedies, it is super important to share this information!

Repeat: Starting July 2022, the US Suicide Prevention Hotline will be 988

Important add-ons, though, as someone who’s done policy work on this: 

Uhm yeah I’ll add more stuff if I can think of anything.

Thank you for the added information. Reblog this version as well, folkz.

Further information from news source verifying this:

It’s a national rollout of the number and mandatory for all states.

Plain text: (Caps, big text) UsS suicide prevention hotline is changing its number (end caps and big text)

Taking effect July 2022, the US Suicide Prevention Hotline will change from 800-273-8255 to the three digit code of (bold) 988 (end bold). Especially with families and communities reeling from back to back tragedies, it is super important to share this information!

Repeat: Starting July 2022, the US Suicide Prevention Hotline will be (bold) 988 (end bold).

Important add-ons, though, as someone who’s done policy work on this:

It’s (Bold) July 16 (end bold), not just the start of July.

988 can not only be used as the suicide hotline, but for (bold) any (end bold) sort of mental health or substance use crisis situation. As opposed to 911, the goal of 988 is that when dispatch is necessary, you’ll be met with a (bold) trained crisis response team (end bold) rather than the police. The police will only be involved if there is an immediate threat to safety, which has almost never occurred in pilot programs - in one of the most well-known, Denver STAR, (which a lot of y’all seem to be familiar with) the police has actually (bold) never (end bold)

(Link to source:

Link).

We’re hoping that this is going to get more individuals directed towards help rather than a prison cell.

(Medium text) It’s a (bold) national (end bold) rollout of the number and (bold) mandatory (end bold) for all states. End plain text.

@a-captions-blog

Powerful statements like these, that juxtapose the condemnation of such a simple and pure thing as love with the honour and worship of violence and death, always hit me hard and stay with me for days

This is the tombstone of Technical Sergeant Leonard Philip Matlovich, the first gay service member to intentionally out himself in order to fight the ban on gay people in the military. He hadn’t only served for Vietnam, he was a career Air Force member in good standing who would have liked to continue his career even though he knew coming out would most likely make that impossible. He’d also been an elder in the LDS church but was excommunicated

He was on the cover of Time magazine in 1975 which was the first time an openly gay person appeared on the cover of a U.S. magazine and had their name printed in that magazine

He was an advocate for AIDs/HIV patients from the start of the outbreak in the 70s. He contracted the virus in 1986 and died 2 years later

His name doesn’t appear on his tombstone because he wanted it to be a memorial for all gay veterans

here’s the King himself

and here’s his grave in its full glory, with the pink triangles and everything! the words over the dates of his birth and death are referencing the extermination of lgbt people during the holocaust and the HIV crisis, respectively.

Gandalf throwing his staff at gollum is what really makes this

Thank you for commenting because I was going to scroll past this.