this is the funniest thing i have ever seen

dressing sexy and going to art museums

i didn't realise you could put two AIs into a room and get them to interact so with the power of technology

now this is what AI should be used for

Fantastic feature guys!

Fix this by turning "show upload progress" off in Account Settings 👍

Gotta love the tumblr time honored tradition of telling each other how to turn off fucking annoying updates 🤝🏽✨

i was born inside an airpod case 3 minutes ago your honor and i love abortion

this is the most unhelpful post ever

do i look like a fucking faq to you

#f slur

is it a slur to ask questions frequently

Hello, Supreme Court Justices.

You know why you're here. If you don't, it doesn't matter. Overturn all of your bigoted rulings within the next hour, or the floor will open up beneath you. You'll be sent into a pit of spikes. You don't get the glory of an elaborate trap. Die.

You could tell Eggman you’re trans and he’d immediately be like “Hoho! How would you like to try my brand new ULTRA MEGA TESTOSTERONE?!” And like it’d absolutely work but he’d definitely be using it as one of the benefits of joining the Eggman Empire. Which also has dental.

You’d work for Eggman and be like “Hey boss just so you know I’m a girl now,” and he’d be like “Oh okay, do you want more giant spikes on the robot mech I gave you?” Because his only frame of reference for girly things is Neo Metal Sonic and Amy so it’s either huge spikes or huge hammers.

If this breaks 10k I’ll draw it.

Just had the absolute worst ever shift at work I think I deserve 1 billion dollars in compensation

Nevermind my day has been fixed

The reviews are in

I need you all to know that he was stanced exactly like in the first pic for like a solid 10 seconds waiting for me as I walked up the driveway and did not start walking towards me to collect his pets until I crouched down

Also

Tummy

this tweet genre is so fucking funny i need more of them

I like when people make posts that are like “contrary to what they want you to think, lesbians can and do enjoy fucking men. Like hot take but lesbians should try it out” because like. Oh is that a hot take. Is that a bold stance that we should pressure lesbians into fucking men. Is that your bold vision of the future, a vision shared by every homophobic man in history?

It’s always presented as this bold revolutionary statement as if it isn’t the most staid, patriarchal stance you could possible have on lesbians. It’s awesome a significant number of people do need to die but it’s awesome. Anyways!

CHEERS TO GUY WALTON FOR “OUTING” THE FOSSIL FUEL COMPANIES

From the article:  

Walton has devised his own criteria for named heatwaves in the US, based on duration and extremity, on a one to five scale similar to hurricanes. Heatwave Chevron is classed as a four and is “historic”, Walton said. The meteorologist said he has a list of 20 oil and gas companies – including Exxon and Shell – for upcoming heatwaves and will turn to coal companies if he runs out of names.

OUTSTANDING MOVE

Y'all know what to do. Use Walton's naming system. Make it catch on.

Compare paychecks with you co-workers. It is the best way to get equality.

“we live in an uncaring universe” yeah dude and I live in an uncaring house. and I shit in an uncaring toilet. but do you touch an uncaring lover? do you comfort an uncaring child? do you guide to sleep each night a cold and uncaring self?

"In the same way your heart feels and your mind thinks, you, mortal beings, are the instrument by which the universe cares. If you choose to care, then the universe cares. If you don't, then it doesn't." - Brennan Lee Mulligan, Fantasy High S1E17

This has been bothering me

I mean c’mon

it’s a second dolphin ready to deploy like a fighter missile

Dolphin on dolphin action