Thanks to @surikane I now love two (2) grumpy Archivists

honestly kind of want her to kill me?

Comp of my favourite guns

please add on this is fucking wild

You know what this does.

this is called a punt gun. IT WAS USED TO HUNT ENTIRE FLOCKS OF DUCKS AT A TIME.

what’s that? you wish you didnt need to dispose of the body? WELL WHY DON’T YOU GET A FUCKING NINE BARELLED SHOTGUN YOU’LL BREAK YOUR ARM BUT YOUR VICTIM WILL BE RED MIST.

Give this to your party in the next dnd campaign. It’s called an apache revolver and every single fucking class can specialize in it.

You know how in a cartoon a gun will bend, and it shoots that direction? Well this fuck decided to create a gun like that, designed to shoot around corners. 

This is called a PARASCOPE, gun. LITERALLY DESIGNED SO YOU DON’T POKE YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE TRENCHES.

“this isn’t even a gun?” NO IT IS. IT’S CALLED A POCKETKNIFE PISTOL AND WAS MADE FOR HOME DEFENSE. (on a side note we should still make these and have these be the only guns “for self defense” correct me if im wrong.)

“this is a mace?” 

NO DUDE THIS WAS  CALLED KING HENRYS WALKING STICK, AND WAS OWNED BY HIM. IT HAS THREE SMALL HOLES ON THE MACE THAT SHOOT.

take a wild fucking guess how you fire it. JUST GUESS. 

YES. THE GUN IS FIRED BY FUCKING PUNCHING.

THIS IS A FUCKING RING. IT FITS AROUND YOUR FINGER. AND IT’S A GUN. A SIX SHOT GUN 

“well that’s an odd frame for a gun.”

YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE IT WAS DESIGNED TO REPLACE YOUR BICYCLE FRAME. The reason these were made, was because before the automobile, the best way to transport your gun was on bike. SO WHY NOT HAVE YOUR GUN, BE THE BIKE

Yes. THIS IS DESIGNED TO LOOK LIKE LIPSTICK. IT’S AS BIG AS ONE TOO. I DON’T KNOW IF THESE ARE STILL LEGAL, BUT GALS, THIS COULD BE A GREAT THING TO CARRY WITH YOU.

You see this rifle? IT CAN DESTROY TANKS. AND YES, THIS BADASS MANAGED TO PERFECTLY HANDLE IT’S WEIGHT.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=11&v=nKDtpbLx-XM

YOU SEE THIS GUN? IT’S CALLED A SMART GUN. THE ONLY WAY TO FIRE IT IS TO HAVE YOUR FINGERPRINT SCANNED, AND TO BE WEARING THE WATCH THAT COMES WITH IT. NOW THERE IS LITERALLY NO EXCUSE FOR KIDS TAKING THEIR PARENTS GUNS.

YEAH, THIS IS A PEN. For when a writers done with your shit.

This is called a vomit gun. and you’re right! this doesn’t fire bullets. INSTEAD, THIS BITCH SHOOTS A LED LIGHT THATS SO BRIGHT, AND DISORIENTING, THAT IT LITERALLY CAUSES YOU TO VOMIT, FALL OVER FROM INTENSE DIZZINESS, AND BLIND THEM. IT ALSO EMITS PULSES TO DISORIENT THEM, AND HAS A VARIETY OF EFFECTS THAT REALLY FUCK YOU UP. (the effectiveness and everything about it is being questioned, but it IS bright enough to blind you.)

this isn’t a special ammo shotgun.

it’s a grenade launcher.

this is exactly what you think it is.

30 barrel revolver. What the fuck can I think of for witty commentary. Just look at it.

HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO END THIS.

This is so Fucking funny

LGBT Cross Stitch Patterns // Mathysphere

[ ID: A set of four images. Top left, “Aro people are valid. Always.” with the aromantic flag with the yellow stripe. Top right: “Ace people are valid. Always.” with the asexual flag. Bottom left: “QP relationships are valid. Always.” with the queerplatonic flag. Bottom right: “Aro people are valid. Always.” with the aromantic flag with the white stripe. ]

But why the last one though what am I not getting

I can’t breath…I have not laughed this hard in years 

Okay, quick story about the last one- I go to this school too, and the creative writing teacher is rad as hell (like the kind to give out free coffee on fridays)

After all of the kids have submitted their short stories, he reads them all for the first time to his two kids, who help him grade them, in a way.

One time, a girl wrote a story about a sheep, named Trixie, making her dream come true by moving to the big city to become an actress, a singer, or whatever (he was pretty vague on the description) 

She took a bus and a few trains and finally ended up in the ‘Big City’, where she tries to make her dream come true.

Now I dont remember the exact sequence of events that came next, but Trixie the sheep eventually ended up becoming a prostitute mid-sentence.

Our teacher didnt really realize this at the time, since it was his first time reading it, and to his kids he was caught completely off guard. And lets just say he had to explain a few new concepts to his kids that night..

And that’s why we can’t write any more stories about Trixie going to the Big City.

I lost my shit at 21

OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BEST

im sick of literally every trend teenage girls partake in being mocked like first its girls who take pics of their starbucks and wear ugg boots then its girls who like indie music and wear vintage clothing then girls who like pop punk and wear vans and a flannel around their waist and now people are mocking girls who wear mom jeans and mustard kanken backpacks and have moleskin journals like can we just let teenage girls LIVE and let them do shit they want to do like seriously

You were once the most powerful villain. You retired early and are engaged to a minor super hero who isn’t aware of your past. They are about to be killed right before your eyes..but you step in.

 She asks him why maybe a dozen times before they decide to get married. It’s not hard to figure out where he goes in the little hours of the morning, not hard to follow him to the edges of forests and abandoned towns and deserts, not hard to smell the spandex, blood and sweat that he wears home. He’s always got bags under his eyes and dirt under his nails and the blood that stains their welcome mat is more often his than not.

So she asks him why before they decide to get married because for all her mysteries, she can’t have him be one.

(Hypocrite isn’t the worst name she’s ever been called.)

He hardly looks surprised at the question, lips quirking as his fingers find the condensation on the glass in front of him. He runs his forefinger up the side, the move thoughtlessly seductive, before drawing it away. The water follows, a thin stream of twisting molecules for a long moment before the tension snaps and it forms a circle hovering above the pad of his finger.

“I may not be a Superhero,” he says, “or even a hero. But when I needed someone, when I really needed someone, a superhero was there. It’s an amazing thing to experience. The rescue. The salvation. It’s…indescribable. It makes you thankful in way you didn’t know you could be.” He allows the water to drop to the diner table and gives her a warm, nostalgic smile. “I want everyone to have that, even if it’s just some guy in a mask with a spray of water at his command. I became Zone for that and I’ve never regretted it. Not once. ”

She’s surprised by the moisture gathering at the corners of her eyes. She hasn’t cried in public for years, normally doesn’t even have to worry about the possibility after years of being on guard. That’s what’s special about Gannon; he makes her feel vulnerable and safe all at once. Comforted. Able to exist within herself, at peace.

She reaches past her empty breakfast plate to cover his hand with her hot palm. The smile she returns is new, her most precious treasure and something she’d never think twice about giving him.

He’s the one who helped her find it after all.

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Reblog or your mom will die in 928 seconds.

I love my mom.

I am risking nothing

I AM SORRY FOLLOWERS, I LOVE MY MOMMY

Will not risk.

sorry followers :(

omg im so glad to se so many people love their mummy

Why’re you being mean to my mum?

goddamn it

Nope. Googled it. 15 minuets. Nope. Not taking any chances

Koop

This has 1.2 million reblogs … Ps not riskin it

1.4 almost ps not risking it

Fuck this post

2.5 million notes I hate myself

I reblogged this twice now

I’m so sorry this isn’t b99 related and this isn’t real but I can’t not skip this I’m sorry

Not taking a fucking chance

Sorry, guys, but Im not taking a chance

No chances… She’s out… And she must be protected.

How dare you

Whatcha doin to me Farkle!

i can’t risk it

sorry babes my moms just my favorite person ever

Sorry I can’t risk it

Fuck sorry guys  I love my mom

Omg I hate these things but I am paranoid. So sorry guys.

2.8 million notes

CANT RISK IT

Bitch

I love you mom

mom saranghae

Can’t risk these things sorry!

damn it. Love you mom.

Almost 4 million notes, I love you mom

Hey there everybody! I’ve got a bit of a dilemma maybe you all could help me with. You see, I’m running out of podcasts. For some context, I work at a pretty classy restaurant doing janitorial and laundry stuff. Which means, starting at the ass-crack of dawn, I’m running around this place cleaning, doing laundry, folding linens, you get the picture. Since I’m basically alone most of it and due my various mental things making both silence and large amounts of kitchen clamor (the laundry room is attached to it) bug/distract the fuck out of me, I have headphones in for most of it. And since my shifts are typically about 8 hours long, I can grind through whatever I’m listening to at a pretty impressive rate.

Which brings us to the problem at hand: My podcast collection is beginning to dwindle. Which is why I need you all’s help. Any recommendations? I for the most part prefer fictional stuff, but certain non-fiction things (MBMBAM, The Flophouse, Lore, ect.) have peaked my interest in the past too, so who knows.

Things I’ve caught up on:

The Penumbra Podcast

Eos 10

Wooden Overcoats

The Adventure Zone

Inkwyrm

Cthulhu and Friends

Alice Isn’t Dead

Welcome to Night Vale

The Orbiting Human Circus (SEASON 2 WHEN?! YOU’RE KILLIN US JULIEN!)

Things I’m currently listening too:

Hello From the Magic Tavern

Kings Falls AM

Supervillain Corner

Wolf 359

Kakos Industries

The Black Tapes (Not really at work though. Something about this one in particular gives me the willies and the place I work at is already haunted, so I don’t listen to this one much while I’m there.)

Drunks and Dragons (very slowly)

Critical Role (I watch this one. The podcast version is great, but I can’t miss out on all the great visual reactions the actors give.)

Lore ( Just started on this one. Not sure about it yet, but I do love me some folklore/mythology.)

I would recommend listening to The Strange Case of Starship Iris, which is a sci-fi podcast set in space, kinda like Inkwyrm. I also really like Under Pressure, Station to Station, The Amelia Project, Raising the Dead Again and Aquamarianas :)

Vignette #3.0: First Impressions, part one

(This piece was originally written for patrons who pledged $5 per episode or more at the Starship Iris Patreon. If you have a few bucks to spare, consider becoming a patron to get exclusive early access to additional vignettes, among other perks. And if your funds are a little low right now, no worries; we’ve all been there.) 

Summary: Broke, tired, and working as an interpreter in the Neutral Zone, Brian Jeeter meets an intriguing new acquaintance.

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gays in space

commissions

no

I refuse to accept this as true

Why are they clapping like he just got a spare bowling instead of just committing an act of witchcraft

Colonel Warren Kepler

eiffel minkowski hera hilbert lovelace maxwell jacobi

Dr. Alana Maxwell

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Hera

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Communications Officer Doug Eiffel - Requested by @minkowskis

minkowski hera hilbert lovelace maxwell jacobi kepler

Commander Renée Minkowski - Requested by @thecaptainsarcasm

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