Words and Things

hello friends i am here

me looking at the person i like: i am enamored even with the way your fingers move, with the way the light plays on your skin, with your freckles and your smile and your laughter, with your voice, with how you get around the things you love, with your humor,  me aloud: what’s up asshole

(via keelythepest)

remember how malia obama never tweeted incriminating emails of herself colluding with foreign powers. i miss that.

No she just smoked weed while being guarded by federal agents. But please. Keep acting like either side has a right to the moral high ground.

You’re really fucking stupid if you think a teenager smoking weed is comparable to a grown adult colluding with foreign powers to shift the election.

I’M SCREAMING, THIS PERSON REALLY THOUGHT SMOKING WEED AND TREASON ARE ON PAR!

ool thirdy bichh

The only acceptable reason for this is if this character is actually a demon who seduces men and then eats them. [source]

who wrote this, expose him

my breasts are nicely separated. Completely divided, every year they move apart by half an inch.

My breasts are nicely separated though they still fight for custody of the children.

I,,a woman,,,am WiDeR LOweR dOwN

That was difficult to read.

So ugly

My name is Ebony D'arkness Dementia Raven Way, and my breasts are nicely separated

OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT AND HOW ON EARTH DID IT GET PUBLISHED

You can always tell when it’s a man writing a description because they focus oddly on the breasts. There will always be something about breasts and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read historical or fantasy fiction and they talk about “her breasts hanging freely under her tunic” or what the fuck ever and it’s like…women don’t do that? We don’t describe ourselves by saying “I have blonde hair and blue eyes and my breasts hang freely under my tunic”. I kind of feel like we should counter by awkwardly mentioning all male character’s balls in their description. It’s kind of in the same vein.

“I have auburn hair and hazel eyes and my copious nicely separated balls hangs freely under my breeches”

G E T W I D E R L O W E R D O W N

“To get back to my body”

This is the first time I saw this post with art and I am in tears.

Reblogging again because IT HAS BEEN ILLUSTRATED NOW 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Im actually laughing so hard omg

me and my friends hanging out in my room

“You guys” is more gendered than “y'all,” which makes the South’s general address more progressive than California’s.

i think there’s been a mistake

No it isn’t

Congratulations, you are now the President of the United States

congratulations you are now the president of the united states

^Haiku^bot^7. I detect haikus with 5-7-5 format. Sometimes I make mistakes. | Who do I read? | Contact | HAIKU BOT NO | Good bot! | Selfie | Meep morp! Zeet!

Haiku Bot… What happened here?

haiku bot is fucking sentient

how did they learn to translate languages into other languages how did they know which words meant what HOW DID TH

English Person: *Points at an apple* Apple

French Person: Non c’est une fucking pomme 

*800 years of war*

Fun fact: There are a lot of rivers in the UK named “avon” because the Romans arrived and asked the Celts what the rivers were called. The Celts answered “avon.” 

“Avon” is just the Celtic word for river.

Fan Fact #2: When Spanish conquistadors landed in the Yucatán peninsula, they asked the natives what their land was called and they responded “Yucatán”. In 2015, it was discovered that in those mesoamerican languages, “Yucatán” meant “I don’t understand what you are saying”

W H E E Z E

I’m trying to clean but he wants to come with me all the time so I put him in the basket so I can carry him more easily and he’s very happy about it

Capitalist culture is service industry workers not being allowed to sit down for their entire shifts, no matter how dead the traffic flow gets.

Capitalist culture is service industry workers sacrificing their comfort for antagonizing and pervy customers who are “always right”.

Capitalist culture is giving students homework in order to prepare them for their future careers where they’ll inevitably need to “take work home with them” or work extra hours in order to put bread on the table.

Capitalist culture is helping physically/mentally ill people only to the extent that they’re able to generate profitable labor again.

Capitalist culture is destroying food that can’t be sold rather than distributing it to poor people according to need.

Capitalist culture is monetizing knowledge and making it artificially scarce so that owners can profit and laypeople are left in the dark.

#when someone asks me how life’s going

cashiers don’t actually care what you buy you could buy a fork a toaster and a bath plug and i wouldnt notice all i’m thinking abt is “in five min it will be one hour until two hours before i can go home”