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My Existance Is Questionable

@pugglessandunhappy

Depression | Eating Disorder | Social Anxiety | Trigger warning at 15, I only use this for my recovery , please don't judge me and I will remain anonymous
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The saddest moment is going to self harm and realising you have to look for clean skin to cut...

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I wonder how many people have noticed....

I wonder how many people have actually cared

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“I didn’t cry because it was a stereotypical breakup cry. I cried because my best friend left me. I cried because he no longer wished to be in my life and didn’t want me in his either. I cried because I couldn’t understand what was real and what was fake: were the “I love you’s” lies and the “I’m tired and done,” the truth? I cried because I couldn’t imagine living without him, and I didn’t want to have to enter such a world. I cried because the next day, we were to be strangers again. I cried because it didn’t feel real and I didn’t want it to be real. I cried because he meant the world to me and I truly believed him when he said that he wouldn’t leave me. So, don’t think so little of my emotions. I didn’t cry because I lost “a boyfriend.” I cried because I lost my loved one. My best friend. My comfort. My safe place. My warmth. My home. My reason.”

— yet somehow you can’t understand that.

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The most frustrating thing is not being able to explain what the fuck is going on inside my head

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I’m not a person anymore, i’m a problem.

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I’m not a person anymore, i’m a problem.

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don't you just love when you see or hear something that just puts you in that mindspace that just fucks you up? like you were okay or have been for a bit and then you go right back to hating everything about yourself and wishing you had the courage to finally leave everything behind but you don't so you do the next best thing and just kill off parts of yourself and become even more numb and desensitized to everything

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Okay but

I want to fucking kill myself, I feel physically sick and want to throw up. I want a relief that I can't fucking find. I want to hurt, I want to die or just fucking stop existing. And I'm dependent and needy as fuck to the point where I'm dead clingy. People who I thought I was getting along with leave me cuz I'm too annoying but now I have nobody. I have only myself and a family that doesn't understand or believe in my mental illness. It's past midnight now, I want to sleep, let me fucking sleep, I want that sweet sweet taste of the demonstration of death that sleep is. Let me fucking sleep, let me fucking fade away and never wake up, let me stop being a burden. At this point I'm only living because killing myself would make other people sad. I'm suffering for other people Again. Fucking take me. I want God to fucking take me already. I want to fucking go. I want this to stop. Make it fucking stop. I want this shit to end.

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